Tips for Coping With the Death of a Spouse

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsGo Easy on YourselfTake Care of Your Physical HealthFind Social SupportAdjust Your Social LifeSeek Help for Complicated Grief

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Go Easy on Yourself

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Find Social Support

Adjust Your Social Life

Seek Help for Complicated Grief

The loss of a spouse can be devastating, whether the death is sudden or following a long illness. Losing a spouse can change your whole world, leading to grief, confusion, anger, sadness, and guilt.

One day you are married; the next, you are single, alone, and grieving. Between the intense emotions, the lifestyle changes, and the many practical considerations accompanying your spouse’s death, you probably feel overwhelmed and anxious about your future.

At a GlanceLosing a spouse is a heartbreaking experience. It’s vital to find ways to manage the pain and take care of yourself as you grieve. Over time, thegriefwill likely subside, and you will build a new life for yourself. In the meantime, here are some tips to help you cope.

At a Glance

Losing a spouse is a heartbreaking experience. It’s vital to find ways to manage the pain and take care of yourself as you grieve. Over time, thegriefwill likely subside, and you will build a new life for yourself. In the meantime, here are some tips to help you cope.

The Loss of a Loved One Hits Hard—Does It Ever Get Easier?

Go Easy on Yourself After the Loss of a Spouse

There is no right way to feel after losing your spouse. So many variables contribute to your reaction, including how long and happy your marriage was, how your spouse died, how old your children are (if you have them), and how dependent you were on one another.

How You May Feel After Losing Your SpouseYou may feel numb, shocked, brokenhearted, or anxious. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive or relieved that your spouse is no longer suffering. You might evenfeel angryat your spouse for leaving you. You may cry a lot, or you may not. How you grieve is unique to you.

How You May Feel After Losing Your Spouse

You may feel numb, shocked, brokenhearted, or anxious. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive or relieved that your spouse is no longer suffering. You might evenfeel angryat your spouse for leaving you. You may cry a lot, or you may not. How you grieve is unique to you.

Be prepared for friends and family who may not know what to say, avoid you, or try to comfort you with cliches (such as “he’s in a better place”). Often, well-meaning people are uncomfortable talking about death, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

If you can, tell those close to you what you need (or don’t need). If people avoid mentioning your spouse, for example, and you actually want to talk about them, let them know.

Keep in mind that your friends and family are also grieving and may find it comforting to share memories of your spouse.

Avoid Making Big Decisions After Experiencing a Death

One study found that the risk of death for the surviving spouse goes up, particularly in the first three months of bereavement. Taking care of your physical health in the months after your loss is essential.

Be sure to let your healthcare provider know if you are having trouble following through on everyday activities, like getting dressed or fixing meals for yourself.

Seek Support After the Loss of Your Spouse

Coping with the aftermath of loss is often extremely lonely and confusing, and it is not unusual to feeldepressed. The loss of a spouse is also associated with an elevated risk of the onset of a number of different psychiatric disorders.

Studies suggest that a lack of social support after an unexpected loss is a key predictor ofdepression.For this reason, it is important to reach out to other people in your life for help.

You may be inclined to turn inward orwithdraw socially. Resist the urge to seclude yourself. You’ll probably fare better if you seek support from family, friends, your religious community (if you have one), or a counselor.

If you or a loved one are struggling with depression and grief, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Joining asupport groupwith other people who are grieving can also be very comforting.Your healthcare provider, therapist, or local hospital can usually provide information on locating such groups. Numerousbereavementgroups are available online as well.

Navigating your social life as a single person can be complicated. If you and your spouse socialized with other couples regularly, you may not know how to fit in now. You may feel awkward going to parties and other events solo.

Tell your friends how you feel and explain that you may need to avoid “couples” dinner parties and get-togethers for a while and see friends one-on-one instead.

However, being single can also provide a welcome opportunity toseek out new friends. Consider volunteering or taking a class to motivate you to get out of the house and pursue something meaningful.

Losing a spouse is life-changing and profound grief is a normal reaction. Sometimes, though, grief is so profound that it interferes with your ability to move forward with your own life. This is known as “complicated grief,” and it affects an estimated 7% of bereaved people.

Signs of complicated grief include:

If you can’t get past these feelings, talk to your doctor or atherapist, who can recommend treatment options. You may find thatgrief counselingorbereavement therapycan help you cope with the pain and challenges of losing your spouse.

It is very hard to lose a spouse. Grieving takes time and is different for everyone. But it is possible to create a new and fulfilling life for yourself while still cherishing the memories of your relationship and your loved one. Treat yourself kindly, seek out the support of your friends and family, and seek help from a mental health professional if you need help coping.

The 10 Best Online Grief Counseling Services We Tried and Tested

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute on Aging.Mourning the death of a spouse.King M, Lodwick R, Jones R, Whitaker H, Petersen I.Death following partner bereavement: A self-controlled case series analysis.PLoS One. 2017;12(3):e0173870. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0173870Keyes KM, Pratt C, Galea S, McLaughlin KA, Koenen KC, Shear MK.The burden of loss: Unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study.Am J Psychiatry. 2014;171(8):864–871. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.13081132Näppä U, Björkman-Randström K.Experiences of participation in bereavement groups from significant others' perspectives; a qualitative study.BMC Palliat Care. 2020;19(1):124. doi:10.1186/s12904-020-00632-yShear MK, Ghesquiere A, Glickman K.Bereavement and complicated grief.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2013;15(11):406. doi:10.1007/s11920-013-0406-z

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute on Aging.Mourning the death of a spouse.King M, Lodwick R, Jones R, Whitaker H, Petersen I.Death following partner bereavement: A self-controlled case series analysis.PLoS One. 2017;12(3):e0173870. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0173870Keyes KM, Pratt C, Galea S, McLaughlin KA, Koenen KC, Shear MK.The burden of loss: Unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study.Am J Psychiatry. 2014;171(8):864–871. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.13081132Näppä U, Björkman-Randström K.Experiences of participation in bereavement groups from significant others' perspectives; a qualitative study.BMC Palliat Care. 2020;19(1):124. doi:10.1186/s12904-020-00632-yShear MK, Ghesquiere A, Glickman K.Bereavement and complicated grief.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2013;15(11):406. doi:10.1007/s11920-013-0406-z

National Institute on Aging.Mourning the death of a spouse.King M, Lodwick R, Jones R, Whitaker H, Petersen I.Death following partner bereavement: A self-controlled case series analysis.PLoS One. 2017;12(3):e0173870. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0173870Keyes KM, Pratt C, Galea S, McLaughlin KA, Koenen KC, Shear MK.The burden of loss: Unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study.Am J Psychiatry. 2014;171(8):864–871. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.13081132Näppä U, Björkman-Randström K.Experiences of participation in bereavement groups from significant others' perspectives; a qualitative study.BMC Palliat Care. 2020;19(1):124. doi:10.1186/s12904-020-00632-yShear MK, Ghesquiere A, Glickman K.Bereavement and complicated grief.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2013;15(11):406. doi:10.1007/s11920-013-0406-z

National Institute on Aging.Mourning the death of a spouse.

King M, Lodwick R, Jones R, Whitaker H, Petersen I.Death following partner bereavement: A self-controlled case series analysis.PLoS One. 2017;12(3):e0173870. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0173870

Keyes KM, Pratt C, Galea S, McLaughlin KA, Koenen KC, Shear MK.The burden of loss: Unexpected death of a loved one and psychiatric disorders across the life course in a national study.Am J Psychiatry. 2014;171(8):864–871. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.13081132

Näppä U, Björkman-Randström K.Experiences of participation in bereavement groups from significant others' perspectives; a qualitative study.BMC Palliat Care. 2020;19(1):124. doi:10.1186/s12904-020-00632-y

Shear MK, Ghesquiere A, Glickman K.Bereavement and complicated grief.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2013;15(11):406. doi:10.1007/s11920-013-0406-z

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At a Glance#

Go Easy on Yourself After the Loss of a Spouse#

How You May Feel After Losing Your Spouse#

Seek Support After the Loss of Your Spouse#

At a Glance

Go Easy on Yourself After the Loss of a Spouse

How You May Feel After Losing Your Spouse

Seek Support After the Loss of Your Spouse