This Is Why Your Crush Gives You So Much Anxiety, According to Experts

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThe Psychology of Anxiety in Romantic InterestCommon Signs Indicating Romantic InterestInterpreting Nervous Habits AccuratelyGender and Cultural Differences in Nervous HabitsMoving Forward

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

The Psychology of Anxiety in Romantic Interest

Common Signs Indicating Romantic Interest

Interpreting Nervous Habits Accurately

Gender and Cultural Differences in Nervous Habits

Moving Forward

Close

You’re waiting in line at a coffee shop when it’s finally your turn at the register. After placing your order, you and the barista exchange a few words. The two of you chat about your days, compare your favorite drinks, and bring up the weather. You feel yourself blushing, getting warm — they’re kind of cute! — and notice yourself looking down, giggling, and tapping your fingers on the table.Ugh, why am I like this?

At one point or another, we’ve all become inexplicably nervous around someone we find attractive. We can usually tune into our own body’s responses in certain situations, noticing how the other person makes us feel. However, times like these make us question why we must lose control of our bodies. Is it so hard to play it cool, calm, and collected?

Linda Whiteside, MA, LCPC, of NuView Treatment Center in Los Angeles, definesnervous habitsas “automatic behaviors that people engage in when they’re nervous or upset.” Although these actions relieve stress, she says, “they frequently develop into reflexive reactions to discomfort.” That is, we can end up displaying these behaviors to self-soothe without even realizing it.

Thankfully, with the right amount of understanding, we can approach these situations with confidence. Let’s take a deeper look at why these feelings might manifest.

So, what leads to this profusely sweating, tongue-tied, can’t-sit-still version of ourselves when we’re around someone we like? It turns out we have a built-in mechanism for coping with the charged feelings that arise around a crush. Whiteside says, “Physical reactionssuch as blushing or squirming are the body’s way of releasing tension and adjusting to the emotional intensity.”

Anxiety and excitement play a major role in this process, and are essentially different sides of the same coin. Both of these are high-arousal emotions, and trigger the same physiological responses in our bodies.

Aaron Gilbert, LCSW, founder of Boston Evening Therapy Associates, says nervous habits themselves canlead to even more anxiety. “If we notice our nervous habits, we can start worrying about how we’re coming across to the person we’re attracted to,” he says. “We wonder if they notice what we’re doing, and can leave the interaction embarrassed and worried our nervous habits were off-putting.”

Nervous habits can take many forms — and vary from person to person, or even based on the intensity of the feelings. Here are a few of the most common ones.

Physical Signs

Behavioral Signs

9 Non-Verbal and Body Language Signs They’re Into You

So, how can we get ourselves off the mental rollercoaster of determining whether we’re fidgeting because we like them… or because we’re just feeling anxious?

Other mental health conditions may also contribute to nervous habits. Those living withgeneralized anxiety disordercan exhibit symptoms such as twitching, sweating, and restlessness.These are manifestations of the condition and may not necessarily indicate romantic interest.

Above all, be patient and observe how the other person acts over time. Situational factors, like stress levels andlack of sleep, can influence the behaviors we engage in, too. Becoming aware of patterns can help us determine whether it’s appropriate to make a move.

Why Do We Get that “Butterflies in the Stomach” Feeling?

Our gender and cultural identities impact the way we were socialized, and may also clue us into our intentions and theirs. A 2015 research article inEmotion Reviewfound that, in western cultures, women are socialized to be more emotionally expressive. Men are often taught to “bottle up” their feelings, which can make it difficult to gauge emotional states based on behaviors alone.

Cultural factors can also impact whether or not nervousness is expressed. According to a 2016 study inEmotion, cultural values and norms (i.e.,individualismandcollectivism) influence how emotions are conveyed, if at all. Researchers found that emotional calmness is valued in China, while emotional expressiveness is the norm in the U.S.

Okay, so we’ve observed the behavior and taken time to consider context. How do we move forward?

It all starts with understanding where it’s coming from. “If you notice someone exhibiting nervous habits around you, the best first step is to empathize with them,” says Gilbert. “Chances are, you’ve felt that way around someone else, and you might even be feeling the same nervousness towards them.”

We can then work on building comfort in the situation. This will alleviate some of the tension and promote relaxation, so we can engage in a more authentic interaction. “One especially brave approach that I really love is admitting your own nervousness first,” says Gilbert. This might look like saying, “I’m feeling really nervous right now!” or, “I just noticed I’m twirling my hair. I always do that when I’m nervous!”

Conclusion

Nervous habits can be… well,nerve-wracking. But with a bit of time and mindful observation, we can speculate whether or not they’re coming from a place of romantic interest.

It’s important to be kind to ourselves and the others involved throughout this process. Nervous habits are part of the human condition, and we will all experience them at some point. By normalizing them and making the other person feel safe, we can open ourselves up to more meaningful connections.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Brooks AW.Get excited: reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014;143(3):1144-1158. doi:10.1037/a0035325Rizzo-Sierra CV, Leon-S ME, Leon-Sarmiento FE.Higher sensory processing sensitivity, introversion and ectomorphism: New biomarkers for human creativity in developing rural areas.J Neurosci Rural Pract. 2012;3(2):159-162. doi:10.4103/0976-3147.98314National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control.Chaplin TM.Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective.Emot Rev. 2015;7(1):14-21. doi:10.1177/1754073914544408Immordino-Yang MH, Yang XF, Damasio H.Cultural modes of expressing emotions influence how emotions are experienced.Emotion. 2016;16(7):1033-1039. doi:10.1037/emo0000201

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Brooks AW.Get excited: reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014;143(3):1144-1158. doi:10.1037/a0035325Rizzo-Sierra CV, Leon-S ME, Leon-Sarmiento FE.Higher sensory processing sensitivity, introversion and ectomorphism: New biomarkers for human creativity in developing rural areas.J Neurosci Rural Pract. 2012;3(2):159-162. doi:10.4103/0976-3147.98314National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control.Chaplin TM.Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective.Emot Rev. 2015;7(1):14-21. doi:10.1177/1754073914544408Immordino-Yang MH, Yang XF, Damasio H.Cultural modes of expressing emotions influence how emotions are experienced.Emotion. 2016;16(7):1033-1039. doi:10.1037/emo0000201

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Brooks AW.Get excited: reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014;143(3):1144-1158. doi:10.1037/a0035325Rizzo-Sierra CV, Leon-S ME, Leon-Sarmiento FE.Higher sensory processing sensitivity, introversion and ectomorphism: New biomarkers for human creativity in developing rural areas.J Neurosci Rural Pract. 2012;3(2):159-162. doi:10.4103/0976-3147.98314National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control.Chaplin TM.Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective.Emot Rev. 2015;7(1):14-21. doi:10.1177/1754073914544408Immordino-Yang MH, Yang XF, Damasio H.Cultural modes of expressing emotions influence how emotions are experienced.Emotion. 2016;16(7):1033-1039. doi:10.1037/emo0000201

Brooks AW.Get excited: reappraising pre-performance anxiety as excitement.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014;143(3):1144-1158. doi:10.1037/a0035325

Rizzo-Sierra CV, Leon-S ME, Leon-Sarmiento FE.Higher sensory processing sensitivity, introversion and ectomorphism: New biomarkers for human creativity in developing rural areas.J Neurosci Rural Pract. 2012;3(2):159-162. doi:10.4103/0976-3147.98314

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).Generalized Anxiety Disorder: When Worry Gets Out of Control.

Chaplin TM.Gender and Emotion Expression: A Developmental Contextual Perspective.Emot Rev. 2015;7(1):14-21. doi:10.1177/1754073914544408

Immordino-Yang MH, Yang XF, Damasio H.Cultural modes of expressing emotions influence how emotions are experienced.Emotion. 2016;16(7):1033-1039. doi:10.1037/emo0000201

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