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Sometimes, relationships last years or decades; whereas, other times they end within a few weeks or months. We’ve been dating someone for a short time but we realize we don’t vibe the way we thought we did, we have differentvaluesor goals, or the timing is just off.

What’s surprising, however, is that even short-term relationship breakups can be super painful.

“A short-term relationship breakup can carry all of the feelings of a long-term relationship breakup. Grief is grief,” saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

In this article, we explore some of the reasons why short-term relationship breakups are so painful. We also asked the expert for some tips on coping and moving on.

At a GlanceBreaking up with someone we’ve only been dating a short while sucks, especially because we’re excited about being in a relationship, getting to know someone, and looking forward to where it leads.We don’t have to pretend we’re doing fine, just because the relationship was short-lived. We can allow ourselves to grieve, just like we would if we’d been dating someone for a long time. Self-care, some TLC from loved ones, and following the“no contact” rulefor some time can help us cope with the loss and heal.

At a Glance

Breaking up with someone we’ve only been dating a short while sucks, especially because we’re excited about being in a relationship, getting to know someone, and looking forward to where it leads.We don’t have to pretend we’re doing fine, just because the relationship was short-lived. We can allow ourselves to grieve, just like we would if we’d been dating someone for a long time. Self-care, some TLC from loved ones, and following the“no contact” rulefor some time can help us cope with the loss and heal.

Breaking up with someone we’ve only been dating a short while sucks, especially because we’re excited about being in a relationship, getting to know someone, and looking forward to where it leads.

We don’t have to pretend we’re doing fine, just because the relationship was short-lived. We can allow ourselves to grieve, just like we would if we’d been dating someone for a long time. Self-care, some TLC from loved ones, and following the“no contact” rulefor some time can help us cope with the loss and heal.

Have You Met the Right Person at the Wrong Time? Here’s How to Cope

Why Short-Term Relationship Breakups are SO Painful

Research shows us thatbreakupscan hurt for many different reasons. These are some of the reasons why losing a relationship that only seemed to last a hot second can still be gut-wrenchingly painful:

8 Ways to Feel Better After a Breakup, According to the Experts

Coping with the Breakup

Going through a breakup can be difficult and messy, but there are steps you can take to cope and heal:

How Do You Get Over Someone You Never Actually Dated?

Moving On

Moving on can be difficult when you’re struggling to function, questioning your self-worth, and feeling like a mess. When you’re ready, these are some strategies that can help you move forward with your life:

How to Start Dating After A Breakup

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766

Verhallen AM, Renken RJ, Marsman JC, Ter Horst GJ.Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms.PLoS One. 2019;14(5):e0217320. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0217320

Kansky J, Allen JP.Making sense and moving on: The potential for individual and interpersonal growth following emerging adult breakups.Emerg Adulthood. 2018;6(3):172-190. doi:10.1177/2167696817711766

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