The Types and Signs of a Masochist

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsMasochist vs. SadistSignsCausesCopingFAQ

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Table of Contents

Masochist vs. Sadist

Signs

Causes

Coping

FAQ

While sadism and masochism are sometimes confused, they have different meanings. A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving pain, while a sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting it.

A masochistic person gains pleasure from experiencing various forms of pain. This can involve gaining sexual pleasure from pain or humiliation, but it can also refer to situations where people seek out or enjoy activities that create distress, discomfort, or pain.

Masochism is associated withBDSM, an acronym for sexual practices that involve bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. A sexual masochist experiences sexual pleasure in response to pain, denial, or humiliation. A sexual sadist, on the other hand, derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain, denial, or humiliation.

However, masochism can also apply to more general and often less healthy behaviors. In such cases, a masochist might engage in actions or accept treatment from others that are hurtful, degrading, or physically or emotionally painful, causing the individual to feel anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, or other distressing feelings. Sadism is problematic when it occurs outside of a consensual relationship and crosses the line into sexual aggression or violence.

At a GlanceMasochism and sadism are two components of BDSM practices that involve receiving or giving pain to create feelings of pleasure. Both can be normal and healthy when practiced safely and consensually, but can be problematic if they lead to unhealthy behaviors or harm others. Keep reading to learn more about the differences between a masochist vs. a sadist. Also explore types of masochism that exist, potential causes, and how you can cope with being a masochist or sadist.

At a Glance

Masochism and sadism are two components of BDSM practices that involve receiving or giving pain to create feelings of pleasure. Both can be normal and healthy when practiced safely and consensually, but can be problematic if they lead to unhealthy behaviors or harm others. Keep reading to learn more about the differences between a masochist vs. a sadist. Also explore types of masochism that exist, potential causes, and how you can cope with being a masochist or sadist.

While ‘sadist’and ‘masochist’are often linked, they have different meanings.

Types of Masochism

While sexual masochism often comes to mind when people hear the term, other non-sexual forms of masochism exist.

The psychoanalystSigmund Freuddescribed three types of masochism:

The first two would be described today as sexual masochism and psychological masochism. Other researchers have also suggested adding a fourth type known as adaptive masochism:

One 2018 systematic review found that masochism connected to gratification inhibition (i.e., adaptive masochism) was the healthiest type. What the study showed was that feeling conflicted about masochism, or experiencing guilt, shame, orsadnessabout finding pleasure in pain, was the least healthy and most distressing. Such conflicts were associated with characteristics of personality disorders anddepression.

What Is Self-Defeating Personality Disorder?

Types of Sadism

Some experts suggest that there are four main subtypes of sadism:

Some research has found associations between sadism andDark Triad traits.

How to Tell If Someone Is a Masochist

The only way to truly tell that someone is a masochist is if they tell you directly that it is something they enjoy. You might pick up on certain cues if you are their sexual partner, but the only way to know is if that person chooses to tell you.

When it comes to more general masochistic behavior, you might be able to spot signs that you or someone you know is a masochist.

Some potential indicators include:

Self-Sabotaging: Why Does It Happen

What Causes People to Be Masochists?

The exact causes of masochism are not entirely clear. Different types of masochism may have differing causes and more research is needed.

One theory about the source of masochistic tendencies may be traced to childhood. The roots of a masochistic or “self-defeating personality” may be a result of an early struggle of will between a developing child and parents determined to maintain control of the child at any cost.

Parents who demand complete obedience and compliance do not allow room for a child to have their own needs, opinions, feelings, and desires. Love and acceptance are conditional, and when taken to an extreme, controlling parents may chastise, abuse, and humiliate the child, threatening abandonment or worse punishment if the child does not comply.

As an adult, this can continue in a self-defeating way, or these impulses may be sexualized and expressed in the context of a consensual, communicative, and mutually respectful BDSM relationship.

Nonsexual Masochism

While sadism and masochism are distinct, some research has found that people enjoy hurting themselves or being hurt are also more likely to take pleasure in causing other people pain or discomfort.

One 2020 study published in theJournal of Personalityfound a connection between non-sexual masochism andantisocial personalitytraits.

In this study, masochistic people enjoyed eating spicy food, receiving painful massages, and hearing disgusting jokes. Such individuals also exhibited high levels of antisocial traits, including what the researchers referred to as everyday sadism, subclinicalpsychopathy, and low levels of honesty and humility.

Sexual Masochism

While participation and interest in sexual masochism and BDSM practices have historically been linked to factors such as childhood trauma or unhealthy sexual fixation, research indicates that this is not the case.

One 2020 study found no such connection. Instead, researchers suggest that such interests represent a broadening of sexual interests, not a fixation.

In a study published inThe Journal of Sex Research, participants reported that they had an intrinsic interest in masochism and submission that they first experienced at an early age.

The study also found other factors that were associated with interest in masochism, which included:

Research on PainPain researchers have investigated how masochistic people process and experience pain, suggesting that these findings may prove useful for assessing and treating pain. Research suggests that motivation, context, and emotion can impact how masochists process and perceive painful stimuli.

Research on Pain

Pain researchers have investigated how masochistic people process and experience pain, suggesting that these findings may prove useful for assessing and treating pain. Research suggests that motivation, context, and emotion can impact how masochists process and perceive painful stimuli.

Coping With Masochistic Traits

Being a masochist isn’t always a negative thing, and ahealthy sex lifecan include elements of masochism and sadism. Enjoying certain types of pain in specific contexts isn’t uncommon (such as gaining enjoyment from watching sad movies), and it can even be healthy (such as incorporating sexual masochism into a consensual andsex-positiverelationship).

But if masochistic or sadistic tendencies are causing harm, distress, or leading to potentially risky behavior, it is important to reach out for help and find effective ways to cope.

Talk to a Professional

If being a masochist creates problems, talking to amental health professionalcan be helpful. A therapist can help you understand why you might seek out pain.

Types of therapythat can be beneficial includedialectical behavior therapy(DBT), internal family systems therapy (IFS), and psychodynamic therapy. For sexual masochists or sadists, seeking out a kink-friendly therapist may be helpful.

Practice Relaxation Strategies

Look for ways to address any anxiety that might compel you to seek pleasure through masochism. Relaxation techniques that can be useful for managing stress and anxiety include:

Deal With Negative Emotions

Masochistic tendencies might more likely emerge when you struggle with negative feelings, such as feeling bad about yourself or helpless.

Finding ways to tolerate distress better and practicingemotional acceptanceof negative emotions can be helpful.

Develop Health Coping Mechanisms

You might be more likely to turn to masochistic behaviors when you don’t know how else to cope. Learning some more healthy coping mechanisms can give you alternatives that can be healthier and more productive.

Positive coping skills can include seeking social support, journaling, distracting yourself, exercising, meditating, listening to music, andcognitive reframing.

Takeaways

While the two terms are often connected, there are important distinctions between a masochist vs. sadist. Where a masochist enjoys receiving pain, a sadist enjoys giving it. Sometimes this can occur in the context of sexual enjoyment, but it can also involve experiencing or administering other forms of pain, humiliation, or deprivation.

Research suggests that both masochism and sadism can be part of a healthy sex life between consenting partners. However, such interests can become a problem if they lead to distress or functional impairment. If you think that being a masochist or sadist is affecting your life in negative ways, talk to a mental health professional about treatments and strategies that can help you cope.

Frequently Asked QuestionsYes, masochism is a psychological tendency to find satisfaction and enjoyment in pain. This may lead people to actively or passively place themselves in situations where they are subjected to pain. This does not mean that they enjoy all pain, however.Consent, context, and motivational factors can all play a part in how and when people find enjoyment in physical, sexual, or emotional pain.For people who enjoy sexual masochism, this can be part of a healthy and fulfilling sex life when it occurs in the context of a safe and consenting relationship. In instances where it leads people to place themselves in emotionally, physically, or sexually risky situations, it can be destructive or even dangerous.In some cases, sexual masochism can meet the diagnostic criteria for a paraphilic disorder if it causes significant distress and functional impairment. Sexual masochism disorder is aparaphilic disorderthat involves urges, fantasies, or behaviors related to being abused, beaten, bound, humiliated, or otherwise harmed to gain sexual satisfaction. Such urges or behaviors lead to distress and potentially harm oneself or others.However, it is important to note that it is a common fantasy, and kinks can be a healthy and normal form of sexual expression. According to some research, up to 70% of people experience BDSM fantasies, while 20% participate in them.Sexual masochism is only considered a disorder if it is creating distress or harm. If not, then it is considered a type of sexual interest.Just as being a masochist can sometimes represent a disorder, sexual sadism can also sometimes meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental health condition. Sexual sadism disorder is a paraphilic condition where inflicting pain or humiliation for sexual purposes creates distress, impairment, or is forced upon a nonconsenting person. The condition can also involve debilitating sexually sadistic fantasies that have not been acted on.

Frequently Asked Questions

Yes, masochism is a psychological tendency to find satisfaction and enjoyment in pain. This may lead people to actively or passively place themselves in situations where they are subjected to pain. This does not mean that they enjoy all pain, however.Consent, context, and motivational factors can all play a part in how and when people find enjoyment in physical, sexual, or emotional pain.For people who enjoy sexual masochism, this can be part of a healthy and fulfilling sex life when it occurs in the context of a safe and consenting relationship. In instances where it leads people to place themselves in emotionally, physically, or sexually risky situations, it can be destructive or even dangerous.

Consent, context, and motivational factors can all play a part in how and when people find enjoyment in physical, sexual, or emotional pain.

For people who enjoy sexual masochism, this can be part of a healthy and fulfilling sex life when it occurs in the context of a safe and consenting relationship. In instances where it leads people to place themselves in emotionally, physically, or sexually risky situations, it can be destructive or even dangerous.

In some cases, sexual masochism can meet the diagnostic criteria for a paraphilic disorder if it causes significant distress and functional impairment. Sexual masochism disorder is aparaphilic disorderthat involves urges, fantasies, or behaviors related to being abused, beaten, bound, humiliated, or otherwise harmed to gain sexual satisfaction. Such urges or behaviors lead to distress and potentially harm oneself or others.However, it is important to note that it is a common fantasy, and kinks can be a healthy and normal form of sexual expression. According to some research, up to 70% of people experience BDSM fantasies, while 20% participate in them.Sexual masochism is only considered a disorder if it is creating distress or harm. If not, then it is considered a type of sexual interest.

However, it is important to note that it is a common fantasy, and kinks can be a healthy and normal form of sexual expression. According to some research, up to 70% of people experience BDSM fantasies, while 20% participate in them.

Sexual masochism is only considered a disorder if it is creating distress or harm. If not, then it is considered a type of sexual interest.

Just as being a masochist can sometimes represent a disorder, sexual sadism can also sometimes meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental health condition. Sexual sadism disorder is a paraphilic condition where inflicting pain or humiliation for sexual purposes creates distress, impairment, or is forced upon a nonconsenting person. The condition can also involve debilitating sexually sadistic fantasies that have not been acted on.

Why You Have Sexual Fantasies and What They Mean

13 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Knack N, Murphy L, Fedoroff JP.Sadism and masochism. In: Carducci BJ, Nave CS, Nave CS, eds.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 1st ed. Wiley; 2020:127-131. doi:10.1002/9781118970843.ch285Niekerk C, Finke M. (Eds.)One Hundred Years of Masochism: Literary Texts, Social and Cultural Contexts. Netherlands: Brill; 2022.Inbar Y, Pizarro DA, Gilovich T, Ariely D.Moral masochism: on the connection between guilt and self-punishment.Emotion. 2013;13(1):14-18. doi:10.1037/a0029749Aisenstein M.Desire, Pain and Thought: Primal Masochism and Psychoanalytic Theory. United Kingdom: Routledge, Chapman & Hall, Incorporated; 2023.Békés V, Perry JC, Robertson BM.Psychological masochism: A systematic review of the literature on conflicts, defenses, and motives.Psychother Res. 2018;28(3):470-483. doi:10.1080/10503307.2016.1189618Millon T.Disorders of Personality: Introducing a DSM/ICD Spectrum from Normal to Abnormal. 1st ed. Wiley; 2011. doi:10.1002/9781118099254Lobbestael J, Slaoui G, Gollwitzer M.Sadism and personality disorders.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2023;25(11):569-576. doi:10.1007/s11920-023-01466-0Sagioglou C, Greitemeyer T.Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits.J Pers. 2020;88(4):780-793. doi:10.1111/jopy.12526Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619Labrecque F, Potz A, Larouche É, Joyal CC.What is so appealing about being spanked, flogged, dominated, or restrained? Answers from practitioners of sexual masochism/submission.The Journal of Sex Research. 2021;58(4):409-423. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.176702Kamping S, Andoh J, Bomba IC, Diers M, Diesch E, Flor H.Contextual modulation of pain in masochists: involvement of the parietal operculum and insula.Pain. 2016;157(2):445-455. doi:10.1097/j.pain.0000000000000390MSD Manual Professional Edition.Sexual masochism disorder - psychiatric disorders.Merck Manual Professional Version.Sexual sadism disorder.

13 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Knack N, Murphy L, Fedoroff JP.Sadism and masochism. In: Carducci BJ, Nave CS, Nave CS, eds.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 1st ed. Wiley; 2020:127-131. doi:10.1002/9781118970843.ch285Niekerk C, Finke M. (Eds.)One Hundred Years of Masochism: Literary Texts, Social and Cultural Contexts. Netherlands: Brill; 2022.Inbar Y, Pizarro DA, Gilovich T, Ariely D.Moral masochism: on the connection between guilt and self-punishment.Emotion. 2013;13(1):14-18. doi:10.1037/a0029749Aisenstein M.Desire, Pain and Thought: Primal Masochism and Psychoanalytic Theory. United Kingdom: Routledge, Chapman & Hall, Incorporated; 2023.Békés V, Perry JC, Robertson BM.Psychological masochism: A systematic review of the literature on conflicts, defenses, and motives.Psychother Res. 2018;28(3):470-483. doi:10.1080/10503307.2016.1189618Millon T.Disorders of Personality: Introducing a DSM/ICD Spectrum from Normal to Abnormal. 1st ed. Wiley; 2011. doi:10.1002/9781118099254Lobbestael J, Slaoui G, Gollwitzer M.Sadism and personality disorders.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2023;25(11):569-576. doi:10.1007/s11920-023-01466-0Sagioglou C, Greitemeyer T.Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits.J Pers. 2020;88(4):780-793. doi:10.1111/jopy.12526Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619Labrecque F, Potz A, Larouche É, Joyal CC.What is so appealing about being spanked, flogged, dominated, or restrained? Answers from practitioners of sexual masochism/submission.The Journal of Sex Research. 2021;58(4):409-423. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.176702Kamping S, Andoh J, Bomba IC, Diers M, Diesch E, Flor H.Contextual modulation of pain in masochists: involvement of the parietal operculum and insula.Pain. 2016;157(2):445-455. doi:10.1097/j.pain.0000000000000390MSD Manual Professional Edition.Sexual masochism disorder - psychiatric disorders.Merck Manual Professional Version.Sexual sadism disorder.

Knack N, Murphy L, Fedoroff JP.Sadism and masochism. In: Carducci BJ, Nave CS, Nave CS, eds.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 1st ed. Wiley; 2020:127-131. doi:10.1002/9781118970843.ch285Niekerk C, Finke M. (Eds.)One Hundred Years of Masochism: Literary Texts, Social and Cultural Contexts. Netherlands: Brill; 2022.Inbar Y, Pizarro DA, Gilovich T, Ariely D.Moral masochism: on the connection between guilt and self-punishment.Emotion. 2013;13(1):14-18. doi:10.1037/a0029749Aisenstein M.Desire, Pain and Thought: Primal Masochism and Psychoanalytic Theory. United Kingdom: Routledge, Chapman & Hall, Incorporated; 2023.Békés V, Perry JC, Robertson BM.Psychological masochism: A systematic review of the literature on conflicts, defenses, and motives.Psychother Res. 2018;28(3):470-483. doi:10.1080/10503307.2016.1189618Millon T.Disorders of Personality: Introducing a DSM/ICD Spectrum from Normal to Abnormal. 1st ed. Wiley; 2011. doi:10.1002/9781118099254Lobbestael J, Slaoui G, Gollwitzer M.Sadism and personality disorders.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2023;25(11):569-576. doi:10.1007/s11920-023-01466-0Sagioglou C, Greitemeyer T.Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits.J Pers. 2020;88(4):780-793. doi:10.1111/jopy.12526Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619Labrecque F, Potz A, Larouche É, Joyal CC.What is so appealing about being spanked, flogged, dominated, or restrained? Answers from practitioners of sexual masochism/submission.The Journal of Sex Research. 2021;58(4):409-423. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.176702Kamping S, Andoh J, Bomba IC, Diers M, Diesch E, Flor H.Contextual modulation of pain in masochists: involvement of the parietal operculum and insula.Pain. 2016;157(2):445-455. doi:10.1097/j.pain.0000000000000390MSD Manual Professional Edition.Sexual masochism disorder - psychiatric disorders.Merck Manual Professional Version.Sexual sadism disorder.

Niekerk C, Finke M. (Eds.)One Hundred Years of Masochism: Literary Texts, Social and Cultural Contexts. Netherlands: Brill; 2022.

Inbar Y, Pizarro DA, Gilovich T, Ariely D.Moral masochism: on the connection between guilt and self-punishment.Emotion. 2013;13(1):14-18. doi:10.1037/a0029749

Aisenstein M.Desire, Pain and Thought: Primal Masochism and Psychoanalytic Theory. United Kingdom: Routledge, Chapman & Hall, Incorporated; 2023.

Békés V, Perry JC, Robertson BM.Psychological masochism: A systematic review of the literature on conflicts, defenses, and motives.Psychother Res. 2018;28(3):470-483. doi:10.1080/10503307.2016.1189618

Millon T.Disorders of Personality: Introducing a DSM/ICD Spectrum from Normal to Abnormal. 1st ed. Wiley; 2011. doi:10.1002/9781118099254

Lobbestael J, Slaoui G, Gollwitzer M.Sadism and personality disorders.Curr Psychiatry Rep. 2023;25(11):569-576. doi:10.1007/s11920-023-01466-0

Sagioglou C, Greitemeyer T.Common, nonsexual masochistic preferences are positively associated with antisocial personality traits.J Pers. 2020;88(4):780-793. doi:10.1111/jopy.12526

Brown A, Barker ED, Rahman Q.A systematic scoping review of the prevalence, etiological, psychological, and interpersonal factors associated with BDSM.J Sex Res. 2020;57(6):781-811. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1665619

Labrecque F, Potz A, Larouche É, Joyal CC.What is so appealing about being spanked, flogged, dominated, or restrained? Answers from practitioners of sexual masochism/submission.The Journal of Sex Research. 2021;58(4):409-423. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.176702

Kamping S, Andoh J, Bomba IC, Diers M, Diesch E, Flor H.Contextual modulation of pain in masochists: involvement of the parietal operculum and insula.Pain. 2016;157(2):445-455. doi:10.1097/j.pain.0000000000000390

MSD Manual Professional Edition.Sexual masochism disorder - psychiatric disorders.

Merck Manual Professional Version.Sexual sadism disorder.

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At a Glance#

Types of Masochism#

What Is Self-Defeating Personality Disorder?#

Types of Sadism#

How to Tell If Someone Is a Masochist#

What Causes People to Be Masochists?#

Nonsexual Masochism#

Sexual Masochism#

Research on Pain#

Coping With Masochistic Traits#

Talk to a Professional#

Practice Relaxation Strategies#

Deal With Negative Emotions#

Develop Health Coping Mechanisms#

Takeaways#

Frequently Asked Questions#