Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a Romance Scam?Targets of Romance ScamsCommon TacticsHow Romance Scams WorkSigns You’re in a Romance ScamWhy People Fall For Romance ScamsProtecting Yourself From ScamsHow to Recover After Being Scammed
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is a Romance Scam?
Targets of Romance Scams
Common Tactics
How Romance Scams Work
Signs You’re in a Romance Scam
Why People Fall For Romance Scams
Protecting Yourself From Scams
How to Recover After Being Scammed
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We all know a story where someone’s best friend’s sister’s yoga instructor’s dental hygienist was drunkenly swiping on a Thursday night and came across the love of their life. Tall. Broad-shouldered, good teeth, lives alone, and has a successful career?This could be the one.
They have everything in common, from how many children they want (2.5, duh) to what religion they practice. Of course, this makes them soulmates. Never mind that they met six weeks ago, she can’t meet his friends or family, and his background (the CEO of what company, again?) is increasingly suspicious. They’re in love. Cue wedding bells.
Then, the road to the altar stalls because the person she started chatting with six weeks ago just asked her to loan him two thousand dollars. He’s a total scammer, and she’s seriously embarrassed.
Romance scams are a type of fraud where the culprit attacks one’s bank account through their heart. Criminals dangle a fairytale romance to victims, transforming flowery language and frothy fantasies into dollars and cents. The relationships between romance scammers and their victims are “generally constructed through websites” but can also happen on apps and sometimes in person.
In 2020, the Federal Trade Commission reported $304 million in losses from romance scams, an increase of nearly 50% since 2019.The rise in romance scams was partially attributed to the effects of the coronavirus pandemic.
Scamming is on the rise around the world. Major tech firms including Meta (the parent company of Facebook Dating) and Match Group (the parent company of Hinge, Tinder, OkCupid, and Archer) have formed a coalition to fight scams. OkCupid has a post listing ways to avoid scammers on theirofficial dating blogto protect their users.
9 Common Scams and The Tactics to Watch Out For
Who Do Romance Scammers Target?
Scammers focus mostly on fruitful prey—people who they believe to be of means, who are isolated, or who are vulnerable. That could look like retired widows or widowers, adults with no higher education, or those in lower-income households.
In one case, Thouin says, her client had been exchanging emotionally intimate emails with a supposed European national. (The pair could never meet in person because the European national worked on a remote oil rig). While her client didn’t think anything of their interactions, Thouin claims it was just another “classic romance scam.”
Most catfishers mirror the interests and the values of the victim. A 2020 study echoed this, noting that scammers create facades to manipulate their victims into believing the two are perfectly in sync. They have the same life goals, religious views, political ideologies, etc. Then, the scammers use affection and in some cases, romantic declarations to reel the victim in for the scam.
Dr. Thoupin confirms this happened to her client: “After a few weeks there was a lot of talk about love and commitment and yet [the two] had never met,” she adds.
Are Dating Apps Safe?
Scammers Love to Lovebomb
Lovebombingis more than TikTok therapy speak. It’s the process of rushing a connection to fulfill an agenda. Manufacturing that closeness allows scammers to manipulate a sense of obligation in their victims. They feel as if they have to help the person because they are in love with them.
Deidre Morgan, a licensed social worker, says someone wanting to “insert themselves in your life too early” is a major red flag. She also warns clients to avoid people who immediately jump into conversations about long-term commitment and marriage.
Beware of Blackmail
“This [looks like] sending nude photos or sexual content to each other and then the person—a scammer—comes back to you and blackmails you for money,” Dr. Thoupin says.
Behind the Keyboard: Spotting Digital Dating Abuse
The Stages of a Romance Scam
Romance scams generally progress in three stages:
If you receive an “I love you” five minutes after sharing your favorite color, you should be concerned.
The number one sign of a romance scam is quick professions of affection. Dr. Thouin recommends being cautious of “someone who declares their love very early in the relationship” and anyone who declares deep devotion and long-term commitment before meeting in person.
Sophie Orozco, a certified relationship coach, highlights a lack of reciprocity as a sign that something is off. She suggests daters be mindful of those who do not want to share information about themselves.
People fall for romance scams for many reasons; however; most victimsdotend to have a fantastical version of romance and overlook red flags.
Dr. Marie Thouin, PhDSomeone who really believes that love should look like a Disney movie where you’re being rescued and finding your prince charming. People who are more realistic about the work it takes in a real-life relationship might be less likely to fall for scams.
Dr. Marie Thouin, PhD
Someone who really believes that love should look like a Disney movie where you’re being rescued and finding your prince charming. People who are more realistic about the work it takes in a real-life relationship might be less likely to fall for scams.
People withlow self-esteemand self-worth also might be predisposed to falling for a romance scam, she adds.
“People who have beliefs about their lack of attractiveness can be more at risk because they might feel a little bit more desperate for attention, if they feel like love is not really available to them and they might have gone through a lot of disappointment in life,” she says. “Someone coming towards them and giving them a lot of compliments and giving them what they want to hear and creating fast, emotional intimacy can be irresistible.”
Protecting Yourself and Your Loved Ones From Romance Scams
How Scams Impact Your Ability to Trust
Understandably, victims feel unsafe anddistrustful of romantic relationships(or relationships in general) following the scam. However, licensed clinical social workerHannah Owensurges victims to combat these thoughts and put things in perspective: a) every day people fall for scams all the time, and b) not everyone you meet is trying to scam you.
She also suggests learninghow to forgive yourselffor falling for the scam. “It is not your fault for getting scammed: it’s the scammer’s fault, every time,” she says. “These scammers are really good at what they do.”
Owens recommends finding comfort and safety in your inner circle: “Let them support you emotionally while you build yourself and your trust back up. No one who loves you will think less of you for having fallen for a scam.”
Tips to Recover From a Romance Scam
There’s a Reason Even The Smartest People Fall For Scams
4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Chuang JY.Romance scams: romantic imagery and transcranial direct current stimulation.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:738874. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.738874Romance scams take record dollars in 2020. Federal Trade Commission. February 10, 2021.Inc G.Scams: relatively common and anxiety-inducing for americans. Gallup.com. Published November 21, 2023Whitty MT.Anatomy of the online dating romance scam.Secur J. 2015;28(4):443-455. doi:10.1057/sj.2012.57
4 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Chuang JY.Romance scams: romantic imagery and transcranial direct current stimulation.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:738874. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.738874Romance scams take record dollars in 2020. Federal Trade Commission. February 10, 2021.Inc G.Scams: relatively common and anxiety-inducing for americans. Gallup.com. Published November 21, 2023Whitty MT.Anatomy of the online dating romance scam.Secur J. 2015;28(4):443-455. doi:10.1057/sj.2012.57
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Chuang JY.Romance scams: romantic imagery and transcranial direct current stimulation.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:738874. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.738874Romance scams take record dollars in 2020. Federal Trade Commission. February 10, 2021.Inc G.Scams: relatively common and anxiety-inducing for americans. Gallup.com. Published November 21, 2023Whitty MT.Anatomy of the online dating romance scam.Secur J. 2015;28(4):443-455. doi:10.1057/sj.2012.57
Chuang JY.Romance scams: romantic imagery and transcranial direct current stimulation.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:738874. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.738874
Romance scams take record dollars in 2020. Federal Trade Commission. February 10, 2021.
Inc G.Scams: relatively common and anxiety-inducing for americans. Gallup.com. Published November 21, 2023
Whitty MT.Anatomy of the online dating romance scam.Secur J. 2015;28(4):443-455. doi:10.1057/sj.2012.57
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