Liu, P. J., Rim, S., Min, L., & Min, K. E. (2023). The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 124(4), 754-771.https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000402
Key Takeaways
Rationale
Social connections are essential for well-being and happiness (Baumeister & Leary, 1995; Cohen & Wills, 1985), but staying connected often requires initiative to reach out.
While there are costs and benefits to reaching out, this research examines whether people accurately perceive the benefits to others.
Prior work has shown people often mispredict others’ perspectives in social situations (Epley et al., 2004) and underestimate appreciation for expressions of gratitude (Kumar & Epley, 2018) or compliments (Zhao & Epley, 2021a).
However, not all relationships involve reasons for gratitude or compliments, especially with weak ties. This research thus examines reaching out more broadly through simple check-ins, aiming to understand if people accurately predict others’ appreciation for these gestures.
The authors propose that initiators may underestimate responders’ appreciation, potentially due to differential focus on the responder’s feelings of surprise. Understanding this could shed light on barriers to social connection and ways to overcome them.
Method
The researchers conducted a series of preregisteredexperimentsusing various methods:
Procedure
Across experiments, participants wererandomly assignedto initiator or responder roles. Initiators were asked to reach out or imagine reaching out to someone, while responders received or imagined receiving a reach-out.
Both groups then rated appreciation levels. Some studies manipulated additional factors like relationship closeness or reach-out context.
Sample
Participants included U.S. college students and adults recruited through university behavioral labs and online platforms like Prolific Academic.
Sample sizes varied across experiments, ranging from 54 dyads in Experiment 2 to 1,602 participants in Experiment 7.
Measures
Statistical measures
Results
This hypothesis was supported across all experiments:
This hypothesis was supported in Experiments 5a and 5b:
This hypothesis was supported in Experiments 6 and 7:
Insight
This research reveals a consistent tendency for people to underestimate how much others appreciate being reached out to, whether through brief messages or small gifts. This underestimation occurs across various relationships and contexts.
The findings suggest that one key reason for this underestimation is that responders focus more on their feelings of pleasant surprise than initiators anticipate.
The study also identifies important moderators, showing that the underestimation is greater when reach-outs are more surprising (e.g., from weak ties or in unexpected contexts).
Future research could explore:
Strengths
The study had many methodological strengths including:
Limitations
Implications
The findings have significant real-world implications for improving social connections and relationships.
People may be hesitant to reach out to others due to underestimating how much their gesture would be appreciated.
This misperception could lead to missed opportunities for social connection, particularly with weak ties or after periods of no contact.
Understanding that others likely appreciate reach-outs more than expected could encourage people to initiate more social contact. This could be especially valuable in contexts where social isolation is a concern, such as during global pandemics or for populations at risk of loneliness.
The research also highlights the importance of surprise in social interactions. Unexpected positive gestures may have a particularly strong impact on relationship quality and social bonds. This insight could inform strategies for relationship maintenance and social support programs.
For clinical psychology practice, these findings could inform interventions for individuals struggling with social anxiety or isolation.
Encouraging clients to reach out more often, armed with the knowledge that others likely appreciate it more than they expect, could be a valuable therapeutic tool.
The moderating effect of relationship closeness suggests that reaching out to weak ties may be especially impactful. This could inform public health initiatives aimed at strengthening community bonds and social support networks.
References
Primary reference
Other references
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 497–529.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis.Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.
Epley, N., Keysar, B., Van Boven, L., & Gilovich, T. (2004). Perspective taking as egocentric anchoring and adjustment.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(3), 327–339.
Flynn, F. J., & Adams, G. S. (2009). Money can’t buy love: Asymmetric beliefs about gift price and feelings of appreciation.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 45(2), 404–409.
Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2018). Undervaluing gratitude: Expressers misunderstand the consequences of showing appreciation.Psychological Science, 29(9), 1423–1435.
Zhao, X., & Epley, N. (2021a). Insufficiently complimentary?: Underestimating the positive impact of compliments creates a barrier to expressing them.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 121(2), 239–256.
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Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education
Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
