The Lost Skill of Resting With ADHD

By the time I wasdiagnosed with ADHD, I had become soburnt outfrom trying to manage a disorder I had no name for yet that I was struggling to get even 10 hours of work done in an average week. I knew I was working less than 10 hours because I had begun meticulously tracking my hours about three months earlier. My goal was to see which tasks were taking up so much of my time to figure out why I was producing so little. Instead, I found out that I was barely working at all.

If I was only working 10 hours per week, why was I so exhausted all of the time? All I did was lay in bed or on the couch in a state ofparalysismost of the day but it wiped me out.

In other words, the amount of work I was doing wasn’t the problem. The problem was that the time I spent not working was not spent resting.

Why People With ADHD Struggle to Rest

There are a few reasonsliving with ADHDcan make genuine rest so difficult.

The first is the general perception of rest as a privilege that you earn through hard work, rather than a biological necessity like food or sleep. Whether it’s years of internalizing the idea that I’m just lazy and undisciplined or the simple fact that I hadn’t actually done anything that day that I consider productive, I was spending most of my time feeling like I haven’t yet earned the rest my body desperately needed.

Another reason is that the “doing nothing” that looks like rest from the outside isn’t really rest because, internally, I’m running through a list of all the things I should be doing instead and criticizing myself for not doing any of them. My brain exhausts itself from the anxiety of doing nothing so much that I have no energy left for actually doing something.

Doing nothing can also be less relaxing than it seems simply becauseADHD brainsare too loud. In one study, researchers measuring neuronal background “noise” in the brain using pattern electroretinography found that subjects with ADHD had 138% more background noise than those without.

As someone with ADHD, what that feels like is a constant state of racing thoughts and an inability to tune out sights, sounds, smells, and other sensory input around me. My brain is always on and it can be tiring.

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What I’ve Learned About Resting With ADHD

If you don’t know how to rest and you find yourself struggling to follow the advice that’s out there, it can end up feeling like relaxation just isn’t in the cards for you. While I still have a long way to go, here’s what I’ve learned about rest so far.

The Way I Rest Doesn’t Have to Make Sense to Anyone Else

The way I choose to spend my breaks doesn’t have to look like rest. It just has to feel relaxing or rejuvenating to me. I generally take active breaks, for example. I’m a restless person with a sedentary job.

For me, taking a break means finally being free to move around. So my definition of rest includes things like going for a run, riding my bike, hiking, or dancing around to my favorite music.

Research confirms thatphysical activitycan have a profound calming effect on people with ADHD while improving almost every other tendency at the same time.

Even more unusual, I allow chores to count as a break when needed. Household chores or errands don’t sound very relaxing, but they help me release some pent-up physical energy like running or hiking do.

I try not to make chores my default rest activities, but I find them especially useful on days when I can’t quite shake the shame of needing rest. Doing a chore is a way to appease that critical voice in my head. Then, once the sink is empty or the laundry is folded, that inner critic might quiet down enough to let me do something more pleasant, like go swimming or do some creative writing.

When I Rest Doesn’t Have to Make Sense Either

The standard recommendation is to take a 10-15 minute break every hour or so. If that works for you, that’s what you should do. In my case, frequent short breaks are too disruptive. I have a hard time with task switching so 15 minutes is rarely enough time for me to even switch from work mode to rest mode, let alone to actually benefit from the break. Instead, I’m usually just counting down the seconds until I’m allowed to dive back into the project, especially if I’m in a state ofhyperfocusat the time.

Instead of short breaks throughout the day, I have one wide window of free time in the morning and after work. Then, I alternate between work days and rest days. I’d rather work 12+ hours straight and follow it with a full day off than constantly interrupt my focus every hour for a 10-minute break.

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Rest Doesn’t Have to Wait Until the End of the Day

I used to try that “eat the frog” idea of getting the hardest or least enjoyable activities out of the way first. It made sense. If I could get it done, I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. But I just don’t work like that. When I try to jump straight out of bed and get to work, my brain becomes so resistant, it feels like I’m trying to wrestle a cat into bathwater.

Instead, I started giving myself a three-hour window in the morning to wake up, get coffee, get dressed, and then spend whatever time is left on whatever activity sounds most appealing that morning: reading a book, doing some creative writing, sitting outside to enjoy an especially nice day. There are no rules. I just do whatever I feel like doing that day.

I can’t flip the switch between work and rest as quickly as is needed for a schedule of frequent short breaks to work. By the time I actually start feeling relaxed, the timer goes off and I have to get back to work.

The result is that I start my work day feeling genuinely relaxed and ready. Even on bad days, it helps to know that if I’m struggling to get out of bed, I still have three hours to pull myself out of this paralysis so I’m not technically procrastinating yet.

I realize that a three-hour window before work might not be realistic for everyone. But for anyone else who is not a morning person, I encourage you to find a way to carve out at least 30 minutes before your day starts to do nothing in particular, to just do whatever sounds appealing at that moment.

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Part of the exhaustion of my day comes from the simple fact that I live in a world built for people without ADHD so I’m constantly wrangling my thoughts and forcing my brain to behave like aneurotypicalbrain. Activities that allow me to stop wrestling and just let go can feel relaxing, even if they don’t look like it.

That’s part of why I think chores can be relaxing for me sometimes. Doing dishes or vacuuming are productive enough to satisfy my inner critic on the days when she’s loudest, but don’t demand much cognitive effort so I can loosen the reins and let my mind wander freely for a while. Other, more interesting activities that I use to relax include cooking and creative writing orjournaling.

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Burnout and Paralysis Are My Brain’s Way of Saying It Needs Rest

When I feel burnt out or trapped in a state of paralysis, my habit has always been to immediately go over all the reasons I don’t deserve to feel exhausted right now. But, whether I “deserve” to or not, I need to accept the fact that I am exhausted and that the only way forward from here is to give myself the rest I need.

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2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Bubl E, Dörr M, Riedel A, et al. Elevated background noise in adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is associated with inattention. Schmahl C, ed.PLoS ONE. 2015;10(2):e0118271. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0118271Waldera R, Deutsch J.Adhd and physical activity.TPE. 2021;78(6).doi:10.18666/TPE-2021-V78-I6-10563

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Bubl E, Dörr M, Riedel A, et al. Elevated background noise in adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is associated with inattention. Schmahl C, ed.PLoS ONE. 2015;10(2):e0118271. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0118271Waldera R, Deutsch J.Adhd and physical activity.TPE. 2021;78(6).doi:10.18666/TPE-2021-V78-I6-10563

Bubl E, Dörr M, Riedel A, et al. Elevated background noise in adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is associated with inattention. Schmahl C, ed.PLoS ONE. 2015;10(2):e0118271. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0118271Waldera R, Deutsch J.Adhd and physical activity.TPE. 2021;78(6).doi:10.18666/TPE-2021-V78-I6-10563

Waldera R, Deutsch J.Adhd and physical activity.TPE. 2021;78(6).doi:10.18666/TPE-2021-V78-I6-10563

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Why People With ADHD Struggle to Rest#

What I’ve Learned About Resting With ADHD#

The Way I Rest Doesn’t Have to Make Sense to Anyone Else#

When I Rest Doesn’t Have to Make Sense Either#

Rest Doesn’t Have to Wait Until the End of the Day#

Burnout and Paralysis Are My Brain’s Way of Saying It Needs Rest#