The Importance of Intimacy in a Relationship and How to Cultivate It

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsTypes of Intimacy in RelationshipsChallengesEffectsHow to Improve

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Types of Intimacy in Relationships

Challenges

Effects

How to Improve

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Intimacy is a feeling of closeness and connection in an interpersonal relationship. It is an essential part of intimate relationships, but it also plays an important role in other relationships with friends, family members, and other acquaintances.

The word intimacy is derived from the Latin word “intimus,” which means ‘inner’ or ‘innermost.‘In most romance languages, the word for intimate refers to a person’s innermost qualities. Intimacy allows people to bond with each other on many levels. Therefore, it is a necessary component ofhealthy relationships.

This article covers the different types of intimacy and how you can create more of it in your relationship.

Upon hearing the word, you probably immediately jumped to thinking about physical intimacy, but other forms of intimacy are just as important, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s take a look at some different forms of intimacy.

Physical Intimacy

While a hug or holding a hand are both examples of physical intimacy, this type is most commonly used in reference to sex. And whilesex is importantin relationships, you can alsodemonstrate physical intimacythrough kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin touching.

While these small physical shows of affection may seem mundane, they can help you and your partner cultivate a feeling of closeness.

Emotional Intimacy

Examples of emotional intimacy include having conversations about what you both want in the future, talking about things that you are worried about, and discussing a stressful event at work and being comforted.

“Emotional intimacy is based on trust,” explains Hannah Owens, LMSW. “If you can trust your partner to be attentive to your needs and react to what you are saying in a way that supports you and the relationship, it’s easy to establish emotional intimacy.”

Intellectual Intimacy

This type of intimacy involves being able to share ideas, opinions, questions, and other thoughts with another person. You might not agree on everything, but you enjoy challenging each other and are able to consider the other person’s perspective.

Talking about a book you have read and comparing your reactions is an example of intellectual intimacy in a relationship.

Experiential Intimacy

While couples don’t have to be joined at the hip, shared experiences are important in healthy relationships. They’re also often the way that relationships begin, so experiences can even add an element of nostalgia for long-term partners. Spending time together, pursuing activities together, and participating in hobbies together are just a few ways that people can deepen this type of intimacy.

“It’s hard to maintain a relationship if you feel you have nothing in common,” says Owens. “Having shared experiences, even just one or two, can lay the groundwork for a relationship that will last.”

Spiritual Intimacy

While this can be referring to religious ideas and beliefs, it can also mean something more profound, like sharing actual beliefs and values.Your values and beliefs can align with religion or even health and wellness. Regardless, it’s important to share these critical aspects of your life with your partner.

Examples of spiritual intimacy include participating in religious practices, discussing spiritual topics, or spending time together while marveling at a moving sight.

RecapPhysical intimacy is just one type of intimacy in a relationship. Other types include emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual intimacy.

Recap

Physical intimacy is just one type of intimacy in a relationship. Other types include emotional, intellectual, experiential, and spiritual intimacy.

What Is Intimate Sex?

Obstacles to Intimacy

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but sometimes certain obstacles can make intimacy difficult. Or a previously strong sense of intimacy might gradually fade without proper nourishment.

Some problems that can impair intimacy include:

“It’s a common theme in couples counseling that making space and time for physical intimacy greatly strengthens and extends long-term romantic relationships,” explains Owens. “These obstacles can get in the way of that. But if you’re able to establish a strong intimate connection despite these challenges, your chance of success in your relationship grows exponentially.”

Impact of Intimacy

Intimacy is essential in a relationship because it forms a basis for connection and communication. It ensures that each person feels understood, allows them to be themselves, and ensures that each person gets the care and comfort that they need. Other significant effects include:

RecapIntimacy has beneficial effects on many areas of life, including health, relationship satisfaction, sexual desire, and mental well-being.

Intimacy has beneficial effects on many areas of life, including health, relationship satisfaction, sexual desire, and mental well-being.

How to Build Intimacy in Relationships

No matter how long you have been together, it’s always important to build your intimacy levels. Here are some easy, practical ways to strengthen your levels of intimacy in your relationship:

Improve Physical Intimacy

When it comes tosex, a part of intimacyis feeling safe enough with your partner to share your likes and dislikes. Make sure that you are asking for the same information from your partner. This way, you can facilitate a safe environment where you both feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts and desires.

Remember that increasing your physical intimacy isn’t always about having more sex. If you’re too tired forsexor talking, try cuddling on the couch.

Increase Emotional Intimacy

To cultivate emotional intimacy, taketime to listento and share with your partner each day. Also, make notes of special moments or things that remind you of your partner so that you can let them know you’re thinking about them.

Studies have shown that self-disclosure can build feelings of intimacy inmarriages, which will make your bond stronger.A big part of intimacy is sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly and listening to your partner when they do the same.

Put down the electronics, even if it’s just during a meal or while you and your spouse watch a show together. Indeed, make sure to do this if your partner is talking to you about their day or an experience.

Deep Experiential Intimacy

Ifyou’re looking to deepen your experiential intimacy, this is an excellent time to book a trip or try out a fun new date spot or activity in your city. Attempt to learn something new about your partner.

Plan a trip to a place neither of you has been. It’s fun to experience new things for the first time. It will also give you a sense of shared history and experience. Even something as simple as a weekly date night can be a great way to foster increased experiential intimacy in your relationship.

Boost Intellectual Intimacy

Strengthen Spiritual Intimacy

This can also be a chance for you and your partner to talk about what role you wantspiritualityto play in your lives if you have a family. Discuss your values and beliefs and the role that you think these will play in your life, relationship, and family.

Remember that spiritual intimacy doesn’t necessarily involve religion. It often comes down to your shared values and ability to bond over experiences you find awe-inspiring, whether that involves a religious practice, meditation, or love of nature.

40 Questions to Build Intimacy in a Relationship

Keep in Mind

Whether you’ve just started dating someone or you’ve been together for years, intimacy plays a vital role in your relationships. Know that it can take time if your relationship is still new, but it’s worth the work that it takes to go through new experiences together.

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7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sexton R.E., Sexton V.S. (1982)Intimacy. In: Fischer M., Stricker G. (eds) Intimacy. Springer, Boston, MA.Sinclair VG, Dowdy SW.Development and Validation of the Emotional Intimacy Scale.Journal of Nursing Measurement. 13(3).Nabil S.6 Types of Intimacy. Naya Clinicsvan Lankveld J, Jacobs N, Thewissen V, Dewitte M, Verboon P.The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: Temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships.J Soc Pers Relat. 2018;35(4):557-576. doi:10.1177/0265407517743076Yoo H, Bartle-Haring S, Day RD, Gangamma R.Couple communication, emotional and sexual intimacy, and relationship satisfaction.J Sex Marital Ther. 2014;40(4):275-293. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2012.751072Robles TF, Slatcher RB, Trombello JM, McGinn MM.Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review.Psychol Bull. 2014;140(1):140-187. doi:10.1037/a0031859Kardan-Souraki M, Hamzehgardeshi Z, Asadpour I, Mohammadpour RA, Khani S.A Review of Marital Intimacy-Enhancing Interventions among Married Individuals.Glob J Health Sci. 2016;8(8):53109. Published 2016 Aug 1. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v8n8p74

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sexton R.E., Sexton V.S. (1982)Intimacy. In: Fischer M., Stricker G. (eds) Intimacy. Springer, Boston, MA.Sinclair VG, Dowdy SW.Development and Validation of the Emotional Intimacy Scale.Journal of Nursing Measurement. 13(3).Nabil S.6 Types of Intimacy. Naya Clinicsvan Lankveld J, Jacobs N, Thewissen V, Dewitte M, Verboon P.The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: Temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships.J Soc Pers Relat. 2018;35(4):557-576. doi:10.1177/0265407517743076Yoo H, Bartle-Haring S, Day RD, Gangamma R.Couple communication, emotional and sexual intimacy, and relationship satisfaction.J Sex Marital Ther. 2014;40(4):275-293. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2012.751072Robles TF, Slatcher RB, Trombello JM, McGinn MM.Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review.Psychol Bull. 2014;140(1):140-187. doi:10.1037/a0031859Kardan-Souraki M, Hamzehgardeshi Z, Asadpour I, Mohammadpour RA, Khani S.A Review of Marital Intimacy-Enhancing Interventions among Married Individuals.Glob J Health Sci. 2016;8(8):53109. Published 2016 Aug 1. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v8n8p74

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Sexton R.E., Sexton V.S. (1982)Intimacy. In: Fischer M., Stricker G. (eds) Intimacy. Springer, Boston, MA.Sinclair VG, Dowdy SW.Development and Validation of the Emotional Intimacy Scale.Journal of Nursing Measurement. 13(3).Nabil S.6 Types of Intimacy. Naya Clinicsvan Lankveld J, Jacobs N, Thewissen V, Dewitte M, Verboon P.The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: Temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships.J Soc Pers Relat. 2018;35(4):557-576. doi:10.1177/0265407517743076Yoo H, Bartle-Haring S, Day RD, Gangamma R.Couple communication, emotional and sexual intimacy, and relationship satisfaction.J Sex Marital Ther. 2014;40(4):275-293. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2012.751072Robles TF, Slatcher RB, Trombello JM, McGinn MM.Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review.Psychol Bull. 2014;140(1):140-187. doi:10.1037/a0031859Kardan-Souraki M, Hamzehgardeshi Z, Asadpour I, Mohammadpour RA, Khani S.A Review of Marital Intimacy-Enhancing Interventions among Married Individuals.Glob J Health Sci. 2016;8(8):53109. Published 2016 Aug 1. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v8n8p74

Sexton R.E., Sexton V.S. (1982)Intimacy. In: Fischer M., Stricker G. (eds) Intimacy. Springer, Boston, MA.

Sinclair VG, Dowdy SW.Development and Validation of the Emotional Intimacy Scale.Journal of Nursing Measurement. 13(3).

Nabil S.6 Types of Intimacy. Naya Clinics

van Lankveld J, Jacobs N, Thewissen V, Dewitte M, Verboon P.The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: Temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships.J Soc Pers Relat. 2018;35(4):557-576. doi:10.1177/0265407517743076

Yoo H, Bartle-Haring S, Day RD, Gangamma R.Couple communication, emotional and sexual intimacy, and relationship satisfaction.J Sex Marital Ther. 2014;40(4):275-293. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2012.751072

Robles TF, Slatcher RB, Trombello JM, McGinn MM.Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review.Psychol Bull. 2014;140(1):140-187. doi:10.1037/a0031859

Kardan-Souraki M, Hamzehgardeshi Z, Asadpour I, Mohammadpour RA, Khani S.A Review of Marital Intimacy-Enhancing Interventions among Married Individuals.Glob J Health Sci. 2016;8(8):53109. Published 2016 Aug 1. doi:10.5539/gjhs.v8n8p74

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