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Mental Health HomepageConditions LibraryConditions CategoryConditions CategoryThe Imperfection of Perfectionism
Table of Contents:Overview
Anxiety DisorderRead Time: 5 Minutes
Published On: May 15, 2017
Reviewed On: May 15, 2017
Updated On: November 2, 2023
Overview
Those who strive for perfection often unwittingly make their lives somewhat miserable. There are a number of emotions that accompany the perfectionist attitude. Consider the following questions:
If you answered yes to these questions, then there is a good chance you have some strong perfectionistic attitudes about yourself and others. And, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. It is possible to be less than perfect and be satisfied. Let’s take a closer look at perfectionism and how it can become simple satisfaction with acceptable performance.
Perfectionism is a conditioned belief established in the mind during childhood. There is no absolute guideline or rule that says you must be perfect, or else. But, there may be a thought pattern that says just that. Parents, teachers, coaches and other adults in the life of a child can easily imprint the attitude and belief that anything less than perfection is failure. Exactly what perfection entails is often nebulous and ends up being what the adult says it is. This then teaches the child that perfection is attained only when the adult, the authority, so says.
This results in approval ratings that are less than desired and then causing frustration, anger and depression. This may then cause an increase in striving, along with more stress andanxietythat further diminished truly effective performance, and the sought after approval. It becomes a downward spiral ending in excessive depressive moods, low motivation, decreased self-value and, in some cases, suicidal ideation. Life need not be like this.
That internal framework ought be based on a clear and rationalassessmentof individual capacities, interests, and motivations. An understanding of reality-based personal and professional goals, along with a rational understanding of what it means if those goals are not met, is important in re-evaluating exactly what determines success, as opposed to achieving perfection.
There are several beliefs that can run through the mind reinforcing perfectionism and those need to be changed. For example, the simple belief that “if I am not successful, then I am a failure” is perfectionistic. There is no middle ground. It is either success OR failure. There are no gradations.
In fact, it is possible to be 80% successful, and that in no way means failure. Even 30% success is not failure (think baseball batting averages); it simply suggests a need for improvement. In that sense, failure is simply feedback showing what needs to change to achieve a higher rate of success. And, indeed, viewing failure as feedback suggests there really is no such thing as failure, only feedback.
Personal satisfaction and happiness can come from successes and achievements that in turn come from effective performance and intelligent behavior. But, there is no evidence whatsoever that “perfection” equates to real satisfaction or genuine happiness; there is evidence to suggest that striving for perfection causes excessive stress, pressure, and tension that then gives rise toanxiety,depression, psychosomatic symptoms, and a general dissatisfaction and unhappiness. That is the imperfection of perfection. Why not learn to be less than perfect; you’ll be happier and healthier.
Ken FieldsKen Fields, MA, LMHC, has provided mental and behavioral health counseling to individuals, couples, families, and groups for over 25 years dealing with such issues as depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, anger, traumatic stress, and more. He has worked as an individual and family therapist for years in the community and throughout school districts, an employee assistance counselor, the director of a crisis intervention program, a clinical supervisor and an administrator in a human service agency.
Ken Fields, MA, LMHC, has provided mental and behavioral health counseling to individuals, couples, families, and groups for over 25 years dealing with such issues as depression, anxiety, panic, phobias, anger, traumatic stress, and more. He has worked as an individual and family therapist for years in the community and throughout school districts, an employee assistance counselor, the director of a crisis intervention program, a clinical supervisor and an administrator in a human service agency.
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