My husband and I are both Chinese American — he is first-generation and I am second-generation. We often have conversations about how our Chinese heritage impacts our daily life. Some days we forget entirely that we are Chinese, and other days we are hyper-aware of the microaggressions we incur as part of an immigrant family. While there are currently 20 million adult U.S.-born children of immigrants, according toPew Research Center, we can’t forget that the vast majority of the United States population is made up or descended from immigrants.

Here are five hidden stressors to be aware of when it comes to being a child of immigrants.

1. Fear of Being Different

I remember feeling self-conscious whenever I invited friends to join my family for dim sum, a specific style of Chinese cuisine that consists of small bite-sized portions of food. It stung every time they called one of my favorite dishes “gross” and, after a while, I stopped inviting them. My husband had a similar experience: kids made fun of how his Chinese lunches smelled. Often he would be so embarrassed that he would throw his lunch in the trash as soon as he got to school.

Many children of immigrant parents have a fear of being different, which is something that can be passed down through generations. “Even if an immigrant family did not have a traumatic experience moving to the United States,” explained Joanna Filidor, LMFT and Talkspace therapist, “other things can get passed down intergenerationally, such as the fear of not belonging, fear of being too different or fear of prejudice.” She noted that while immigrant and non-immigrant children can both experienceanxietyanddepression, the addedstressof “being different” or “not belonging” can trigger additional symptoms for children of immigrants.

2. Concern for Safety

It is not uncommon for a family to experience some element of trauma when moving to the United States. Filidor pointed out a number of resulting fears that can manifest as a result of a traumatic immigration experience, including:

While not everyone who is an immigrant had a traumatic experience when moving to the United States, Filidor points out that those with lower socio-economic status tend to experience more trauma and fewer resources to cope with that trauma.

3. Language Barriers

When we think about language barriers, we tend to think about non-English-speaking immigrants having a hard time communicating with their English-speaking community. We don’t often think about how children of immigrants might experience a language barrier between themselves and their own parents. “Since children of immigrants spend most of the day speaking to their peers in English,” explained Filidor, “they may lack the language to properly communicate with their parents at home.”

This is something my husband and his dad have to deal with regularly. His dad usually speaks to my husband in Cantonese and my husband will respond back in English. While this strategy works ok, they are never really able to have an intimate conversation. “Parents can then lose the ability to connect with their children,” added Filiodr. “As a result, they may not be included in community and school events.”

4. Feeling Ashamed

5. Everyone’s Experience is Different

When thinking about the experience of children with immigrant parents, keep in mind that their mental health struggles may be the result of very real discrimination and societal oppression. Therefore, it’s critical to help children of immigrants feel seen and heard and avoid dismissing their feelings or assuming their experiences are simply the result of “cognitive distortions.”

“It is important to understand the narrative that shapes each child and their sense of identity,” said Filidor. For example, learning about how someone’s culture, background, family, and countries contributes to their individual identity and and lens through which they view the world is vital to supporting their mental health journey. “Using narrative interventions can be really powerful as it helps clients own their own story and choose what they want to use as part of their life moving forward,” said Filidor.

It’s been an important part of my healing journey to reconnect with my Chinese roots because, over the years, my family has lost touch with our heritage in an effort to fit into American culture. The more I learn about how much our family sacrificed to assimilate, the more my heart goes out to all children of immigrants who feel ashamed of where they came from. At the end of the day, we all just want to feel like we belong.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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