Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow It FeelsWhen It OccursLove Bombing StagesWho Does ItSigns to Watch ForIs It Ever Good?Relationship GoalsHow to Cope

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

How It Feels

When It Occurs

Love Bombing Stages

Who Does It

Signs to Watch For

Is It Ever Good?

Relationship Goals

How to Cope

Close

Love bombing is a tactic in which someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection with theintent to manipulate you. Although being showered with “love” can seem positive at the beginning of a romantic relationship, love bombing can lead to the other persongaslighting you, also sometimes leading to abuse.

What Does Love Bombing Feel Like?

Why does love bombing feel so good? Well, love bombers sweep you off your feet. It’s nice to beflooded with dopamine, the feel-good chemical your brain releases. AsDr. Amy E. Keller, PsyD, MFTpoints out, “It feels great when a new potential love interest starts sexting you or bombards you with texts, calls, and flowers.”

Especially common in cases ofdomestic violence, the abuser will inflict abuse, reiterate how much they love you, and then employ dramatic tactics to get in your good graces again to keep you in the relationship. The danger is that the abuser needs control and the same cycle repeats. They don’t change their abusive behavior and you might be in harm’s way.

If you find yourself telling your friends that your partner seems too good to be true, they just might be.

When Are You Most Likely to Be Love-Bombed?

Love bombing often takes place at the onset of a relationship.At the beginning of getting to know each other, you might view this new person in your life as charming and especially attentive. They may praise you effusively, tell you they adore you, and seem toemotionally attach very quickly.

Love bombing also happens with couples after having a big fight or breaking up. There’s nothing wrong with giving someone a second chance, but ifsomeone belittles youand then begs for forgiveness, promises it will never happen again, and offers overly grand gestures—like sending you five dozen roses to show how sorry they are—be cautious.

What Are the Stages of Love Bombing?

Love bombing generally occurs in three stages or phases. They are idealization, devaluation, and discard.

Idealization

A common sign of a love bomber is they don’t do anything halfway. During the first phase of idealization, they seem to put you on a pedestal. This can feel flattering, but they idealize you too quickly. In fact, everything seems to happen too quickly.

Devaluation

One of the telling signs of being love-bombed occurs during the second phase, the devaluation stage. Your partner alternates between being kind one minute and cruel the next. They’re savvy enough to be loving in public so others think they’re great but can turn abusive, especially in private.

Discard

The third stage of love bombing is the discard phase. During this stage,the other person doesn’t take accountabilityfor their actions. And if you confront them or try toset healthy boundaries, they may refuse to cooperate or end the relationship.

Who Engages in Love Bombing?

In the first study to empirically analyze love bombing behaviors, researchers found a correlation between love bombing and narcissism,insecure attachment style, and low self-esteem using a sample group of 484 college students.

These millennials sent excessive communications at the beginning of romantic relationships to gain power and control over their love interests. The scientists noted millennials have shown a major increase in narcissism compared to previous generations.

These individuals are amazingly adept at finding those who are vulnerable. For example, they’ll prey on those whojust got divorced, recently broke up with someone, or havelow self-esteem.

How Do You Know If They’re Love Bombing You?

So, how do you know if you’re falling in love or starting a relationship with a love bomber? Start asking yourself these questions to determine if yourmental wellnessis being adversely affected because you’re being love-bombed:

Take the Lovebombing Quiz

Try our fast and freelovebombing quizto find out if you’re in a situation that may constitute lovebombing:

Tell-Tale Red Flags of Love Bombing

Take a few minutes and see if these red flags have appeared during your relationship. These examples will alert you to the fact that the person you’re with is likely a master manipulator.

Love bombing can occur in friendships and other relationships as well.

Can Love Bombing Ever Be a Good Thing?

In a few cases, love bombing can be a positive experience. Someone eager to find the right person might be elated when theyfind that special someoneand shower the other person with lots of gifts.

While overly generous, this type of love bombing occurs over time. It feels natural compared to the controlling ways of a typical love bomber.

Depending on their culture and family background, extensive gift-giving andbeing expressive through complimentsand such might also be an inherited way for your significant other to express closeness and love.

What If You Realize You’re Love-Bombing Someone Else?

In other cases, you might be love bombing and not even know it. Ifyou’re feeling insecureor have a desperate need to shower someone with attention and gifts, it’s important to figure out why:

Take some time to assess your behavior. After you figure out what is driving you to act this way, consider your goal and how this is impacting the person you love.

If you’re innocently love bombing (meaning you have no intention or desire to manipulate your partner), you could have an insecure attachment style.Seeking the help of a psychologistcan help you identify your behavior and motives.

Going overboard with your affection out of afear of rejectionor clinginess is not the same thing as love-bombing as a manipulative/abusive tactic. However, it may be a good idea to address your fear of abandonment or rejection with a therapist who can help you sort out any relationship insecurities you may have.

What an Intimate, Loving Relationship Looks Like

Dr. Keller notes, “In a loving partnership, one is allowed to have discussions about changing their mind, ask for time, and confide in their partner their fears and concerns. Then hopefully, they can subsequently come up with solutions together.”

With closeness, respect, and consideration, healthy couples can be vulnerable, trust, and care for each other. Achieving this goal can be difficult with a partner who has narcissism and isn’t receiving treatment.

Those who have been diagnosed withnarcissistic personality disorderlack empathy, according to the Cleveland Clinic.They’re self-centered and demand admiration. They also have an outsized sense of entitlement.

What to Do After You’ve Been Love Bombed

Know that you’re not alone. A study on living with pathological narcissism found difficulties within the context of their close relationships.

Researchers found that not only was the grandiosity detrimental to partners and relatives, but the vulnerable aspect of pathological narcissism which includes instability, insecurity, and rage affected their partners in an insidious way.

The antidote to being love-bombed in the future, says Dr. Keller, is “to know your own self worth,to love yourself, to keep one eye open in the relationship, and try not to be so blinded that you don’t learn enough about your partner.”

If you’ve expressed discomfort and feel unable to draw boundaries with a love bomber, connect with friends and loved ones. It’s never too early to seek help from a mental health counselor to guide you. Remember togive yourself kindnessand forgiveness, too.

Can a Narcissist Love?

Summary

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485National Domestic Violence Hotline.Signs of love bombing.Cleveland Clinic.What is love bombing?Strutzenberg CC, Wiersma-Mosley JD, Jozkowski KN, Becnel JN.Love-bombing: A narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery.2017;18(1), 81-89.Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Bord Personal Disord Emot Dysregul.2020;7:19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485National Domestic Violence Hotline.Signs of love bombing.Cleveland Clinic.What is love bombing?Strutzenberg CC, Wiersma-Mosley JD, Jozkowski KN, Becnel JN.Love-bombing: A narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery.2017;18(1), 81-89.Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Bord Personal Disord Emot Dysregul.2020;7:19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485National Domestic Violence Hotline.Signs of love bombing.Cleveland Clinic.What is love bombing?Strutzenberg CC, Wiersma-Mosley JD, Jozkowski KN, Becnel JN.Love-bombing: A narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery.2017;18(1), 81-89.Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Bord Personal Disord Emot Dysregul.2020;7:19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8

Howard V.Recognising narcissistic abuse and the implications for mental health nursing practice.Issues Mental Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

National Domestic Violence Hotline.Signs of love bombing.

Cleveland Clinic.What is love bombing?

Strutzenberg CC, Wiersma-Mosley JD, Jozkowski KN, Becnel JN.Love-bombing: A narcissistic approach to relationship formation.Discovery.2017;18(1), 81-89.

Cleveland Clinic.Narcissistic personality disorder.

Day NJS, Townsend ML, Grenyer BFS.Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study.Bord Personal Disord Emot Dysregul.2020;7:19. doi:10.1186/s40479-020-00132-8

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