Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCreating a Secure RelationshipWhen You Only Spend Time With Your Partner(s)Benefits of Maintaining Friendships With OthersCreating Boundaries With Friends

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Creating a Secure Relationship

When You Only Spend Time With Your Partner(s)

Benefits of Maintaining Friendships With Others

Creating Boundaries With Friends

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It’s not uncommon for people in relationships to spend all of their time together, especially in the honeymoon stage. However, too much time spent with any one person can become unhealthy and can potentially lead to codependency. So, it’s important that you don’t neglect other loved ones such as friends and family members after you’ve entered a romantic relationship.This article discusses what makes relationships feel secure and why it’s important to maintain friendships outside of your romantic relationship.How to Create Feelings of Security in Your RelationshipMost people like to feel connected to the important people in their lives, especially in their relationship with a significant other(s).It’s rather easy to tell the difference between when the connection with a partner(s) feels good and when it feels off or disrupted. There are times, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, in which people might mistake feeling good with asecure connection.Secure connection refers to an emotionally safe dynamic in a relationship that allows both partners to feel seen, heard, and understood. There are three foundational elements of a secure connection within a romantic relationship according to Dr. Sue Johnson, developer ofEmotionally Focused Therapyfor couples.The three foundational elements that create a secure relationship:AccessibilityResponsivenessEngagementAccessibilityWhen thinking about accessibility it means that all parties in a relationship show up for each other. When you reach out, do they respond? If they reach out, do you respond? Are all parties approachable? All of this factors into how accessible partners are within a relationship.ResponsivenessResponsiveness refers to how you are received when you reach out to a partner. In other words, if your partner tries toshare a need or hurt, are you receptive to their concerns? If you reach out to your partner, do they often respond in a way that lets you know they are interested?EngagementEngagement goes beyond the communication of content into the connection that can be experienced when a partner reaches out to another.A partner’s level of engagement conveys a sense of understanding and compassion a way of letting each other know, “I get it” or “I’m trying to understand because I know this is important.”When you are able to enjoy a secure connection within a romantic relationship, you’ll often feel more secure inyour sense of self, experience less stress and anxiety, and find it more interesting to explore the world.What Happens When You Only Spend Time With Your Romantic Partner(s)?Although a secure connection is what people are often looking for in a romantic relationship, it can be difficult to experience this, especially when people have a history of insecure connections with others.When people have been hurt in previous romantic relationships, or even in theirfamily of originrelationships, they might view current relationships as their only source of connection, belonging, and safety.As this happens, people move from a secure connection with their partner(s) to something that might feel consuming and no longer secure.Dependency in a relationshipis when partners move beyond simply turning to each other for support to expecting your partner(s) to meet all of your emotional needs.When partners are not able to do this for one another, it can throw the relationship into a tailspin and leave one or both partners feelingdysregulated. The expectations can become unreasonable and, ultimately, leave partners feeling isolated and pressured to perform.When relationships feel uncertain like this, it can leave both partners feeling a constant sense of unease and stress about the quality of their bond. Partners often find that they become fearful and even resentful of each other, leading topoorer communicationand further misunderstandingsand uncertainty.Benefits of Maintaining Friendships With OthersHavinggood friendsthat accessible to you can be helpful as you go through life. You might find the need to turn to others for support, encouragement, validation, or even to help you organize your thoughts and challenge perceptions.Not only can you turn to friends in times of need, but positive support people can also offer you opportunities to explore, enjoy new experiences and share a good laugh.When asense of interdependenceis fostered within a relationship, partners can offer the reassurance of their bond with one another while also encouraging continued development of self, outside of the relationship. Emotional accessibility is still present but the pressure of being the only support person is decreased.Friendships can offer many of the same benefits as secure romantic relationships, such as:Positive sense of selfIncreased satisfaction with lifeSense of belonging and acceptanceBoosts both mental and physical healthSupport in times of needPeople to do activities withSometimes Your Romantic Relationship Needs SupportAn additional benefit of having trusted friendships outside of our relationship is that you have people to turn to when your romantic relationship can use support.People who love each other can still hurt each other, even if unintentionally. When the relationship needs guidance and support, it can be difficult for partners to see beyond their own hurts to have a clear picture of what the relationship needs at the moment.So, having trusted others to turn to for guidance and perspective can benefit your romantic relationships.Creating Boundaries With FriendsBoundariesare always important in healthy relationships. As you and your partner discuss nurturing friendships outside of your relationship, a clear discussion of boundaries can be helpful so both partners can continue feeling secure within the relationship.Are there topics that are to be off limits? Are there things that should or should not be shared with friends? Having an honest conversation about this with your partner is key to easing any fears or uncertainty.Secure connection in our romantic relationship is to be cherished. However, you can enjoy a secure connection with a romantic partner while also continuing to enjoy friendships outside of your relationship.‘I Don’t Need Friends’: Why You Might Feel This WayA Word From VerywellDo not be afraid to talk with your partner about how to maintain the foundational building blocks of a secure connection, which are accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement, while also encouraging a sense of healthy interdependence. Being open with one another in this way can be of great benefit to thequality of your relationship.If you are struggling to maintain boundaries with friends or you’re noticing that you and your partner(s) are spending too much time together, you can enlist the help of arelationship therapistwho help you create a better relationship.Relationship Counseling: What You Need to Know

It’s not uncommon for people in relationships to spend all of their time together, especially in the honeymoon stage. However, too much time spent with any one person can become unhealthy and can potentially lead to codependency. So, it’s important that you don’t neglect other loved ones such as friends and family members after you’ve entered a romantic relationship.

This article discusses what makes relationships feel secure and why it’s important to maintain friendships outside of your romantic relationship.

How to Create Feelings of Security in Your Relationship

Most people like to feel connected to the important people in their lives, especially in their relationship with a significant other(s).

It’s rather easy to tell the difference between when the connection with a partner(s) feels good and when it feels off or disrupted. There are times, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, in which people might mistake feeling good with asecure connection.

Secure connection refers to an emotionally safe dynamic in a relationship that allows both partners to feel seen, heard, and understood. There are three foundational elements of a secure connection within a romantic relationship according to Dr. Sue Johnson, developer ofEmotionally Focused Therapyfor couples.

The three foundational elements that create a secure relationship:

Accessibility

When thinking about accessibility it means that all parties in a relationship show up for each other. When you reach out, do they respond? If they reach out, do you respond? Are all parties approachable? All of this factors into how accessible partners are within a relationship.

Responsiveness

Responsiveness refers to how you are received when you reach out to a partner. In other words, if your partner tries toshare a need or hurt, are you receptive to their concerns? If you reach out to your partner, do they often respond in a way that lets you know they are interested?

Engagement

Engagement goes beyond the communication of content into the connection that can be experienced when a partner reaches out to another.

A partner’s level of engagement conveys a sense of understanding and compassion a way of letting each other know, “I get it” or “I’m trying to understand because I know this is important.”

When you are able to enjoy a secure connection within a romantic relationship, you’ll often feel more secure inyour sense of self, experience less stress and anxiety, and find it more interesting to explore the world.

What Happens When You Only Spend Time With Your Romantic Partner(s)?

Although a secure connection is what people are often looking for in a romantic relationship, it can be difficult to experience this, especially when people have a history of insecure connections with others.

When people have been hurt in previous romantic relationships, or even in theirfamily of originrelationships, they might view current relationships as their only source of connection, belonging, and safety.

As this happens, people move from a secure connection with their partner(s) to something that might feel consuming and no longer secure.

Dependency in a relationshipis when partners move beyond simply turning to each other for support to expecting your partner(s) to meet all of your emotional needs.

When partners are not able to do this for one another, it can throw the relationship into a tailspin and leave one or both partners feelingdysregulated. The expectations can become unreasonable and, ultimately, leave partners feeling isolated and pressured to perform.

When relationships feel uncertain like this, it can leave both partners feeling a constant sense of unease and stress about the quality of their bond. Partners often find that they become fearful and even resentful of each other, leading topoorer communicationand further misunderstandingsand uncertainty.

Havinggood friendsthat accessible to you can be helpful as you go through life. You might find the need to turn to others for support, encouragement, validation, or even to help you organize your thoughts and challenge perceptions.

Not only can you turn to friends in times of need, but positive support people can also offer you opportunities to explore, enjoy new experiences and share a good laugh.

When asense of interdependenceis fostered within a relationship, partners can offer the reassurance of their bond with one another while also encouraging continued development of self, outside of the relationship. Emotional accessibility is still present but the pressure of being the only support person is decreased.

Friendships can offer many of the same benefits as secure romantic relationships, such as:

Sometimes Your Romantic Relationship Needs Support

An additional benefit of having trusted friendships outside of our relationship is that you have people to turn to when your romantic relationship can use support.

People who love each other can still hurt each other, even if unintentionally. When the relationship needs guidance and support, it can be difficult for partners to see beyond their own hurts to have a clear picture of what the relationship needs at the moment.

So, having trusted others to turn to for guidance and perspective can benefit your romantic relationships.

Boundariesare always important in healthy relationships. As you and your partner discuss nurturing friendships outside of your relationship, a clear discussion of boundaries can be helpful so both partners can continue feeling secure within the relationship.

Are there topics that are to be off limits? Are there things that should or should not be shared with friends? Having an honest conversation about this with your partner is key to easing any fears or uncertainty.

Secure connection in our romantic relationship is to be cherished. However, you can enjoy a secure connection with a romantic partner while also continuing to enjoy friendships outside of your relationship.

‘I Don’t Need Friends’: Why You Might Feel This Way

A Word From Verywell

Do not be afraid to talk with your partner about how to maintain the foundational building blocks of a secure connection, which are accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement, while also encouraging a sense of healthy interdependence. Being open with one another in this way can be of great benefit to thequality of your relationship.

If you are struggling to maintain boundaries with friends or you’re noticing that you and your partner(s) are spending too much time together, you can enlist the help of arelationship therapistwho help you create a better relationship.

Relationship Counseling: What You Need to Know

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, Zaccarin S.Social relations and life satisfaction: the role of friends.Genus. 2018;74(1):7. doi:10.1186/s41118-018-0032-z

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