Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDefinitionKnow the SignsTips for Home, Work, and PlayWhen to LeaveGetting Help
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Table of Contents
Definition
Know the Signs
Tips for Home, Work, and Play
When to Leave
Getting Help
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Have you ever felt like you had to walk on eggshells around a person who thinks the whole world revolves around them? Dealing with a narcissist, whether aromantic partner, roommate, or family member, can be challenging. It often feels like you’re struggling through an emotional obstacle course, and it’s easy to get tired of all that person’sself-centeredness, drama, and constant conflict.
Narcissists hold exaggerated opinions of themselves and don’t have much regard for how others feel. Narcissists make it all about them. Their constant need for attention and admiration is, frankly, exhausting. It’s important to understand how this might affect you—and how you can deal with it.
It can be confusing and painful to recognize that someone in your life is a narcissist, but there are things you can do to protect yourself. Try not to take it personally (although we know this isn’t always easy), and make sure that you establish (and enforce) clear boundaries. Watch for signs of gaslighting, don’t let them undermine your self-esteem, and know when it’s time to walk away.
Learning all you can about narcissistic traits and understanding some of the ways to deal with them can help you feel better able to cope.
What Is a Narcissist?
A narcissist is someone with an inflated image of themselves. A person with this quality often has such an excessive interest in their own image and appearance that they lack consideration or empathy for others.
Someone with narcissism is highly self-centered, to the point where it hurts the people around them. This makes it important to recognize the signs, enabling you to create a plan to better deal with the narcissist in your life.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Some people might possess high levels of narcissistic traits or engage in narcissistic behavior frequently. In other cases, people may have a condition known asnarcissistic personality disorder(NPD), which can exhibit more extreme behaviors.
The Role of Genetics in Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Signs You Are Dealing With a Narcissist
Everyone puts themselves first or focuses on their own needs to a certain degree, but narcissists engage in self-centered behaviors much more often and hurtfully. This can be confusing, painful, and damaging to the people who deal with them.
What You Should Know About Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
To deal with a narcissist, the first step is torecognize the signs. Some questions you might ask yourself:
Sometimes, narcissistic characteristics are easy to recognize, butcovert narcissismis more difficult to detect. The covert narcissist also has agrandiosesense of importance, exploits others, and lacks empathy, but their narcissistic behaviors are more difficult to spot.
12 Signs of a Vulnerable Narcissist
How to Deal With a Narcissist
Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting and stressful. It can make it difficult to be comfortable in your home or workplace and can be detrimental to your mental well-being.
Finding ways to cope is important. Understanding what makes narcissists tick and exploring some key coping strategies can help you manage yourrelationshipwith the narcissist while preserving your own mental health. Whether you must deal with a narcissist at home, at work, or in a social setting, these tips can help.
Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally
Understand that the person you are dealing with may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Experts don’t fully understand what causes NPD, but it is often linked to factors such as genetics, childhood abuse,trauma, personality, and upbringing.
People with NPD can’t change their behavior on their own and might not be able to recognize that there is a problem; they need professional help, but they rarely seek it.You might encourage them to talk to a therapist, but they likely will resist or respond negatively.
The problem is, even if you know that narcissistic behavior—such as manipulation and lack of regard—isn’t really about you, these behaviors tend to feel like personal attacks. Remind yourself that it’s not personal.
You aren’t to blame for their actions, and you didn’t do anything to cause them. You can encourage them to get help, but you are not responsible for supporting them or fixing their mistakes.
Establish (and Enforce) Boundaries
When you are dealing with a narcissist at home or at work, one of the most important things that you can do is to set firmboundaries.
Boundaries are the things that you are willing and not willing to accept in a relationship. They are non-negotiable limits that tell others what counts as acceptable and tolerable behavior.
For example, you might make it clear that you won’t accept behaviors such as rudeness or name-calling when you are communicating with one another. If they engage in this type of behavior, the conversation will end.
Creating boundaries isn’t an effort to change the other person. Instead, these limits clarify that certain behaviors will not be tolerated. Once you set a boundary, it is important to stick with it. If the other person violates it, immediately enact the consequences.
In the example above, immediately end the conversation and walk away as soon as you can. Don’t argue or wait for them to respond. Simply end it.
Likewise, don’t make idle threats or create ultimatums that you won’t follow through on. Failing to enforce your boundaries means that the other person won’t take them seriously. If you enact the consequences, however, they’ll be more likely to believe you when you tell them you won’t accept a behavior.
Example:“If you continue to talk to me that way, this conversation is over.” The moment they engage in the behavior they have been warned about, leave the situation as quickly (and safely) as you can.
Example:
“If you continue to talk to me that way, this conversation is over.” The moment they engage in the behavior they have been warned about, leave the situation as quickly (and safely) as you can.
It is also important to be aware that setting and maintaining your boundaries is an ongoing process. Remind people what your boundaries are and keep enforcing them.
Watch for Gaslighting
In dealing with a narcissist, you may have noticed a behavior known asgaslighting. People who engage in this type of manipulation deny reality in a way that causes you to doubt yourself and your experiences.
For example:
When they do try to gaslight you, make it clear that you know what you are doing and that you won’t tolerate it—again, creating a boundary.
Is Someone Gaslighting You? Look Out For These Red Flags
Boost Your Self-Esteem
A narcissistic person often undermines others to boost their sense of self. This can be particularly damaging when the person is always running you down in subtle and non-subtle ways. The workplace is especially vulnerable to this kind of behavior.
To help ensure that you have the mental strength to cope, make sure that yourself-esteemremains healthy, even in the face of challenges. Keep an assertive attitude; narcissists gravitate toward people who enable their antics.
However, remember that people withlow self-esteem, weak boundaries, or a shaky sense of self aren’t the only ones who end up in situations with narcissists. You understandably might be drawn to what seems like confidence and charisma at the beginning of a relationship, but later recognize these traits as narcissism the more you get to know the person.
Keeping yourself-esteem high and keeping an assertive stance, even if the narcissist tries to manipulate and undercut you, can help you navigate the more interpersonally harmful behaviors.
Engaging inpositive self-talkForgiving yourselffor your mistakesSurrounding yourself with supportive people who believe in youAdvocating for yourselfTreating yourself with kindness and respect
Find Support
Dealing with a narcissist’sdysfunctional and sometimes abusive behavior can be exhausting. Maintaininghealthy relationshipswith others who are caring and supportive is especially important when you have a relationship with a narcissist, whether they’re a roommate, family member, romantic partner, or coworker.
Having other people you can turn to talk about what you are coping with can be a way to get emotional support and perspective. Look for healthy relationships with other people in which you listen to one another. You should feel free to be your real self around them, secure in the knowledge that they accept you for who you are.
At work, resist the urge to gossip and vent; remember, the narcissist is adept at turning your words against you. However, do keep your superior apprised of the narcissist’s behavior privately to help circumvent the narcissist’s efforts to undermine you.
RecapSocial supportcan help offset the stress of dealing with a narcissist. Confiding in people you trust is an important way to gain support and strength.
Recap
Social supportcan help offset the stress of dealing with a narcissist. Confiding in people you trust is an important way to gain support and strength.
How to Find a Narcissistic Abuse Support Group
Toxic relationshipscan have a seriously detrimental impact on your mental well-being. If being around the narcissist is causing you distress and making it difficult to function normally, consider ending the relationship. This might mean leaving the situation altogether.
The Dangers of Love Bombing
If the situation has turned abusive or otherwise dangerous, seek help as soon as possible. Don’t expect the narcissist to change on their own; thecycle of abuse/love bombing is likely to continue until the narcissist gets the help they need.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Whether you are still living with a narcissist or have gotten out of the relationship, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. Look for a therapist who has knowledge and experience in dealing with narcissism. Your therapist can offer insight and help you better understand your situation and experiences.
They can also help you work on coping and communication skills that will help you effectively deal with a narcissist. For example, they might help you learn to recognize signs of gaslighting, work on establishing clear boundaries, and practice being assertive and standing up for yourself.
A therapist can also help you deal with the emotional aftermath of having lived with a narcissist once you are safely free of the situation. If you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, orpost-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD), your therapist can recommend appropriate treatments that can help, which may include psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both.
RecapLiving with a narcissist can take a serious toll on your mental wellness. Talking to a therapist can help you process and understand your experience.
Living with a narcissist can take a serious toll on your mental wellness. Talking to a therapist can help you process and understand your experience.
Takeaways
Living with a narcissist isn’t easy. It can be exhausting and difficult, but there are things that you can do to stay strong, supported, and mentally healthy.
Remember that you’re not the problem and don’t take their behaviors personally. Create strong boundaries, protect your self-esteem, and seek out healthy relationships with people who understand what you are going through.
Finally, remember that you don’t have to wait for a relationship to become toxic to end it. Oftentimes, getting out of the situation is the best thing that you can do for your mental well-being.
How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.Malkin C.Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping With Narcissists. Harper Perennial; 2016.Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156–164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Love Is Respect.What are my boundaries?Thomas L.Gaslight and gaslighting.The Lancet Psychiatry. 2018;5(2):117-118. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(18)30024-5
6 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.Malkin C.Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping With Narcissists. Harper Perennial; 2016.Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156–164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Love Is Respect.What are my boundaries?Thomas L.Gaslight and gaslighting.The Lancet Psychiatry. 2018;5(2):117-118. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(18)30024-5
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.Malkin C.Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping With Narcissists. Harper Perennial; 2016.Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156–164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875Love Is Respect.What are my boundaries?Thomas L.Gaslight and gaslighting.The Lancet Psychiatry. 2018;5(2):117-118. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(18)30024-5
American Psychiatric Association (APA).Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 5th ed, text revision. Washington, D.C.; 2022.
Malkin C.Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping With Narcissists. Harper Perennial; 2016.
Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: Case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156–164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875
Kacel EL, Ennis N, Pereira DB.Narcissistic personality disorder in clinical health psychology practice: case studies of comorbid psychological distress and life-limiting illness.Behav Med. 2017;43(3):156-164. doi:10.1080/08964289.2017.1301875
Love Is Respect.What are my boundaries?
Thomas L.Gaslight and gaslighting.The Lancet Psychiatry. 2018;5(2):117-118. doi:10.1016/S2215-0366(18)30024-5
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