Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat to Look ForWhy Trust Verywell Mind?
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What to Look For
Why Trust Verywell Mind?
Relationship skills andsocial skillsare referred to as “skills” for a reason—they require learning, practice, and refinement. Limited engagement is leaving many of us feeling out of practice with these skills, and disconnection is leading to emotions filled with fear, stress, anxiety, and depression.Relationships require knowledge of oneself in addition to knowledge of other people. With enough reflection, introspection, and focus on your own emotions, you can begin to strengthen romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, and even work relationships. “A healthy relationship allows the ability to balance being a strong individual with deep intimacy,” says psychotherapist and relationship expertDr. Jamie Brodarick.Here are the best relationship books on the market, according to a licensed mental health counselor.
Relationship skills andsocial skillsare referred to as “skills” for a reason—they require learning, practice, and refinement. Limited engagement is leaving many of us feeling out of practice with these skills, and disconnection is leading to emotions filled with fear, stress, anxiety, and depression.
Relationships require knowledge of oneself in addition to knowledge of other people. With enough reflection, introspection, and focus on your own emotions, you can begin to strengthen romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships, and even work relationships. “A healthy relationship allows the ability to balance being a strong individual with deep intimacy,” says psychotherapist and relationship expertDr. Jamie Brodarick.
Here are the best relationship books on the market, according to a licensed mental health counselor.
Research-backed
Easy to follow
ConsLong readRequires multi-person involvement
Long read
Requires multi-person involvement
With over 50 years of research under his belt, authorDr. John Gottmanis the most accredited researcher of relationships in modern-day history. His studies include long-term marriages and relationships, and hisbooksimplifies seven relationship principles you can easily apply to your life.
Dr. Gottman describes the reasoning behind failed marriage therapy strategies and how to avoid them. He also dives into daily connection rituals that prevent couples from drifting apart. Most divorces occur when couples recognize problems too far into their relationship—Dr. Gottman offers advice to reconnect with your spouse, taking into consideration the challenges of modern-day life.
Price at time of publication: $17
ProsGood for a variety of communication issuesGood for all relationshipsIdeal for busy peopleConsOnly skims deep issuesIntroduction material only
ProsGood for a variety of communication issuesGood for all relationshipsIdeal for busy people
Good for a variety of communication issues
Good for all relationships
Ideal for busy people
ConsOnly skims deep issuesIntroduction material only
Only skims deep issues
Introduction material only
In this day and age, we could all use a refresher in terms ofbasic communication skills. Thisaward-winning book—filled with how-to guides, writing prompts, and exercise challenges—is a great place to start. Written with all kinds of relationships in mind, including family, dating, friendships, and evenwork relationships, it’s designed to help you improve empathy, listening skills, and communication skills.
The book merges a guide with a workbook that makes it ideal for couples, classes, or book clubs. It also has a lot of useful tips and relationship strategies that are easy to follow.
Price at time of publication: $12
ProsSimple conceptsEasy to read and humorous30-day progress trackerConsOnly skims deep issuesBroad subjects
ProsSimple conceptsEasy to read and humorous30-day progress tracker
Simple concepts
Easy to read and humorous
30-day progress tracker
ConsOnly skims deep issuesBroad subjects
Broad subjects
Written as a 30-day challenge with a focus on understanding individuals, authorSusie Milleruses the simple disciplines of listening and learning to increase the ability to love. People may lean on the idea of compatibility to get them through relationship challenges, but Miller says that there is a lot of learning required to maintain a connection with kids, spouses, parents, and friends.
Focusing on empathy, sheteachesrelationship concepts that are designed to help us love those closest to us more deeply.
Price at time of publication: $15
ProsMultiple strategies includedShort in lengthGood for social anxietyConsRequires practiceGeared toward work relationships
ProsMultiple strategies includedShort in lengthGood for social anxiety
Multiple strategies included
Short in length
Good for social anxiety
ConsRequires practiceGeared toward work relationships
Requires practice
Geared toward work relationships
With a variety of strategies available, you can choose the ones that are best suited for your needs. This book is also beneficial for those working in sales or customer service—industries that frequently handle complaints or require making connections.
Price at time of publication: $16
ProsResearch-backed techniquesGood for everyday relationshipsIdeal for busy peopleConsOnly skims deep issues
ProsResearch-backed techniquesGood for everyday relationshipsIdeal for busy people
Research-backed techniques
Good for everyday relationships
ConsOnly skims deep issues
In thisbestselling book, authorMichael Sorensencondenses relationship problem-solving skills into a compact, three-hour read. It reads more like a conversation to help users understand the value of listening and validation in relationships.
A Therapist Reveals Her 10 Favorite Stress Relief Products
Addresses difficult topics
ConsRequires consistent practiceTime commitment
Requires consistent practice
Time commitment
As Dr. John Gottman’s research partner and wife,Julie Schwartz Gottman PhDco-writes the author’smost recent work. The couple dives into common marriage issues such as money, trust, sex, family, and spirituality while helping partners improve their ability to talk about sensitive issues.
Allowing couples to feel more connected, Gottman hopes these skills will aid in the avoidance and management of future conflicts. This is a great book for anyone in couples therapy or those wanting to dive deeper into their personal relationship connections.
Price at time of publication: $26
What the Experts Say“A good relationship book should focus on increasing empathy and good listening skills rather than identifying faults in others. The goal is to be authentically yourself while still having the ability to let other people into your life. It is vitally important to learn how to see things from another person’s perspective and to have that in return from your partner." —Dr. Jamie Brodarick, Marriage & Family Therapist, PhD, LMFT
What the Experts Say
“A good relationship book should focus on increasing empathy and good listening skills rather than identifying faults in others. The goal is to be authentically yourself while still having the ability to let other people into your life. It is vitally important to learn how to see things from another person’s perspective and to have that in return from your partner." —Dr. Jamie Brodarick, Marriage & Family Therapist, PhD, LMFT
ProsEffective techniquesPopular subjectEncourages self-knowledgeConsTime commitment
ProsEffective techniquesPopular subjectEncourages self-knowledge
Effective techniques
Popular subject
Encourages self-knowledge
ConsTime commitment
The Enneagram is one of the fastest-growing personality assessments and concepts in the world right now, and rightfully so. There are nine different personality types with up to 27 subtypes to help you understand yourself—aiding in connection with those closest to you.
Through further understanding of yourself, you can be more empathetic and accommodating to those you love. Instead of focusing strictly onthe nine personality types,this bookfocuses on how to use that understanding to strengthen relationships.
ProsAddresses modern issuesResearch-backed techniquesMade for busy peopleConsBoth spouses need to commit
ProsAddresses modern issuesResearch-backed techniquesMade for busy people
Addresses modern issues
Made for busy people
ConsBoth spouses need to commit
Both spouses need to commit
Even the busiest of people strive for deep romantic relationships, but the problem is that a thorough connection requires time and attention.The 80/80 Marriageis written for career-driven and busy individuals who want to make the most out of their marriage.
Using data from more than 100 couples, the book focuses on how to create radical generosity and partnerships where both individuals thrive. The book also addresses modern challenges that come with a desire to establish old-fashioned connections.
ConsLong readRequires consistent practice
Bestselling author, speaker, and psychotherapistDr. Henry Cloudteaches the importance of boundaries in all relationships—especially within the family—for those wanting a Christian perspective. While most people see boundaries as a wall built between people, boundaries are actually the gateway to connection.
Boundaries keep us safe and help us understand the needs of others, but people tend to avoid them in fear of being confrontational.This bookteaches readers how to use loving and empathetic phrases to communicate honestly and directly with others—making it especially helpful for those with apeople-pleasing personality.
Price at time of publication: $19
ProsAddresses work relationshipsGood balance of empathy and assertivenessConsFocuses on work only
ProsAddresses work relationshipsGood balance of empathy and assertiveness
Addresses work relationships
Good balance of empathy and assertiveness
ConsFocuses on work only
Focuses on work only
As people return to the office for work, many are finding their people-managing skills a bit rusty. Without the ability to end a zoom call with the click of a button, complicated personalities are more difficult to avoid.
Price at time of publication: $30
Final Verdict
If you’re trying to take an empathetic approach to relationships, “The Enneagram for Relationships” is a good choice. Designed to help you understand your own personality to relate to others, the book dives into individuality in couples, families, and friendships.
And if you’re returning to the office in the near future, “Radical Candor” is a great managerial tool to help leaders and bosses confront (and deal with) various personality types and challenges.
What to Look For in a Relationship Book
Practical tips
Expert insights
Helpful Techniques
From working on your listening skills to learning how to argue constructively, the best relationship books offer useful techniques to help you keep your relationship on the right track or get it back to its former glory. Experts recommend giving your relationship the same care you would give your health or even your car—so certain techniques can be part of that regular checkup. And if you need a little help with that, this is where a marriage therapist can be invaluable.
Frequently Asked QuestionsIn a healthy relationship, each person should feel comfortable being their authentic selves while bringing out the best in the other person. It’s a perfect combination of freedom and safety. Relationships take work, time, and personal growth, but dedication to a relationship can result in a deep level of connection and understanding.Atoxic relationshipinvolves installing fear in another person in order to elicit control. Full of guilt, irrational rules, and fear, toxic relationships often result in an emotional rollercoaster rather than stability and safety. Mental, physical, and emotional abuse are also common in toxic relationships—a result of one person investing more into a relationship than the other.Disagreements and heated moments are common in any relationship. While it’s healthy to work out differences and misunderstandings, it’s not healthy to resort to attacks on one’s character, name-calling, or threats. Healthy fighting should focus on conflict resolution and finding a solution to the issue at hand.Jealousy is a normal human emotion, occurring when one individual feels insecure. With that said, consistent jealousy is a red flag in relationships. If you’re constantly jealous, it can be a sign of deep insecurities or trust issues stemming from childhood, partnership trust, or an irrational need for control. Finding the reason behind jealousy is important, and it may require therapy or assistance from a professional.
Frequently Asked Questions
In a healthy relationship, each person should feel comfortable being their authentic selves while bringing out the best in the other person. It’s a perfect combination of freedom and safety. Relationships take work, time, and personal growth, but dedication to a relationship can result in a deep level of connection and understanding.
Atoxic relationshipinvolves installing fear in another person in order to elicit control. Full of guilt, irrational rules, and fear, toxic relationships often result in an emotional rollercoaster rather than stability and safety. Mental, physical, and emotional abuse are also common in toxic relationships—a result of one person investing more into a relationship than the other.
Disagreements and heated moments are common in any relationship. While it’s healthy to work out differences and misunderstandings, it’s not healthy to resort to attacks on one’s character, name-calling, or threats. Healthy fighting should focus on conflict resolution and finding a solution to the issue at hand.
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, occurring when one individual feels insecure. With that said, consistent jealousy is a red flag in relationships. If you’re constantly jealous, it can be a sign of deep insecurities or trust issues stemming from childhood, partnership trust, or an irrational need for control. Finding the reason behind jealousy is important, and it may require therapy or assistance from a professional.
As a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with over 15 years of experience working with clients to improve mental and emotional health,Mary K Tatumunderstands the importance of finding quality resources and techniques that work for each person. Not everyone will have the same kind of healing journey, therefore, having lots of options to choose from is vitally important in creating a lifestyle that combats mental illness and promotes health and wellbeing.
1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Social Anxiety Disorder.
1 Source
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Social Anxiety Disorder.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
National Institute of Mental Health.Social Anxiety Disorder.
Meet Our Review Board
Share Feedback
Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
Was this page helpful?
Thanks for your feedback!
What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit
What is your feedback?
