So, Do You *Actually* Like Them or Is It the Romantic Fantasy Talking?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThe Importance of Understanding Your FeelingsWhat Does It Mean to Really Like Someone?The Role of Loneliness in Finding LoveWhat to Do If You’re Still Unsure

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

The Importance of Understanding Your Feelings

What Does It Mean to Really Like Someone?

The Role of Loneliness in Finding Love

What to Do If You’re Still Unsure

Especially if they’re super attractive, schmoozing you in all the right ways, and have no upfront red flags. But are youreallyfeeling them or just the idea of them (and the possible happily ever after you two could have)? Let’s find out.

First step: identify your feelings. Look, we’ve all felt theinstant giddinessand excitement over getting to know someone new. But take a step back—stop romanticizing!—and identify your feelings. Understanding how you feel is helpful in any context but is especially crucial in romantic relationships. After all, you’re talking about committing to someone who could, at the very least, influence your life.

“Understanding how we feel in a relationship helps us know if the relationship is serving us,” explains couples psychotherapistStephanie Holz, LMFT. “A relationship in which we are content will improve our sense ofself-esteem, perhaps improving [quality of life], job performance, and achievement of goals.”

Plus, having clarity on your feelings is kind of cool and empowering. It allows you to believe in yourself and makeconfident decisions.

The Little Things in Relationships That Matter the Most

Crushes are a dime a dozen. There’s that sweet barista at the local coffee shop, the cutie you’ve been on a few dates with already, the coworker who always makes you blush. But do you like any of them—or the image of them in your head?

It’s tricky to tell the difference because practically every budding relationship starts with somelevel of infatuationand (perhaps naive) adoration. In fact, studies go so far as to say that initial euphoric feelings are akin to the high you’d experience taking a drug like cocaine.But that attraction only goes so far, especially once you begin asking yourself the important questions.

“When trying to discern whether you genuinely like someone or just the idea of them, introspection is key,” saysOlivia Withers, LPC, LCPC. She recommends asking yourself the following six questions:

“If we only like the idea of someone, we may find ourselves bored—or possibly annoyed—in their presence, or we may feel like we have to be something other than our authentic selves,” Holz says. “This indicates the relationship is built more on fantasy and projection than on two actual humans.”mic drop

4 Key Signs It Might Be Time to Break Up

Signs You Like Someone

Signs You Just Like the Idea of Them

Dating is hard, okay? It’s not for the weak! The loneliness you feel when a situationship falls apart or your crush is no longer interested…like, we’ve all been there before. And while loneliness is not inherently negative, it can make us delusional in romantic relationships. It’s a complicated emotion that takes away our clarity.

“We often struggle with separatinglonelinessfrom deeper emotions such as rejection, abandonment, shame, or worthlessness—what I refer to as the four horsemen of childhood trauma,” Withers says. “When my clients are struggling with loneliness, particularly after a breakup, they realize this feeling is a normal response to the situation. At other times, loneliness is heavier when connected to achildhood trigger.”

Naturally, it’s hard to determine if loneliness or another difficult emotion influences your dating decisions. But that’s where introspection comes in. Withers recommends digging a bit deeper to understand what’s going on. Ask yourself what feelings come up when you think of singlehood, your primary motivations for dating, and if you truly feel ready to connect and build asecurely attached relationshipwith someone.

Do you have an urgency to partner up with someone? And, if so, why is that? What’s missing from your life that youneeda partner to feel complete? Take time to do some self-work and get to the root. Only then, you’ll find success in a meaningful relationship.

We All Get Lonely Sometimes—What to Do on the Days You Feel Totally Alone

Oprah once famously said, “I don’t know meansno.” AKA, if you’re feelingehabout them, chances are you’re not interested.

Being uncertain doesn’t mean you need tobreak off tiesor plunge deeper into the relationship—there’s no rush to the finish line here. Keep exploring, but give yourself a date—say, two weeks or a month—to sift through your feelings. If things still feel uncertain, that’s your sign to move on and find your perfect match.

A Relationship Coach Reveals 5 Mistakes You’re Making on Your Dating Profile

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006).Romantic love: A mammalian brain system for mate choice.Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences,361(1476), 2173–2186. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2006.1938Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2010).Should i stay or should i go? Predicting dating relationship stability from four aspects of commitment.Journal of Family Psychology : JFP : Journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43),24(5), 543–550. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021008

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006).Romantic love: A mammalian brain system for mate choice.Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences,361(1476), 2173–2186. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2006.1938Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2010).Should i stay or should i go? Predicting dating relationship stability from four aspects of commitment.Journal of Family Psychology : JFP : Journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43),24(5), 543–550. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021008

Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2006).Romantic love: A mammalian brain system for mate choice.Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences,361(1476), 2173–2186. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2006.1938Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2010).Should i stay or should i go? Predicting dating relationship stability from four aspects of commitment.Journal of Family Psychology : JFP : Journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43),24(5), 543–550. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021008

Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2010).Should i stay or should i go? Predicting dating relationship stability from four aspects of commitment.Journal of Family Psychology : JFP : Journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43),24(5), 543–550. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021008

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Signs You Like Someone#

Signs You Just Like the Idea of Them#

Signs You Like Someone

Signs You Just Like the Idea of Them