Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Small TalkWhat Are the Three Parts of Small Talk?Small Talk Topics to AvoidHow to Start Small Talk
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Is Small Talk
What Are the Three Parts of Small Talk?
Small Talk Topics to Avoid
How to Start Small Talk
Close
Finding things to talk about in casual conversation can be difficult when you don’t know the other person. It can be especially challenging if you’re introverted or live withsocial anxiety disorder (SAD), Small talk can be a great way to break the ice in those situations.
Small talk refers to the informal, polite, light conversations people have when they don’t know each other well (or at all). Although such social transactions generally focus on inconsequential topics, they’re an important way to make connections, build rapport, and nurture relationships.
Avoiding small talk, however, can worsen anxiety in the long run. Instead, decide on a few things to talk about ahead of time. This can help build your confidence andimprove your social skills.Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Best Things to Talk AboutBest TopicsWeatherArts and entertainmentSportsFamilyFoodWorkTravelCelebrity gossipHobbiesHometownWorst TopicsFinancesPolitics and religionSexDeathAppearancePersonal gossipOffensive jokesNarrow topicsPast relationshipsHealth
Best Things to Talk About
Best TopicsWeatherArts and entertainmentSportsFamilyFoodWorkTravelCelebrity gossipHobbiesHometown
Weather
Arts and entertainment
Sports
Family
Food
Work
Travel
Celebrity gossip
Hobbies
Hometown
Worst TopicsFinancesPolitics and religionSexDeathAppearancePersonal gossipOffensive jokesNarrow topicsPast relationshipsHealth
Finances
Politics and religion
Sex
Death
Appearance
Personal gossip
Offensive jokes
Narrow topics
Past relationships
Health
What Are the Three Parts of Small Talk?Small talk involves three parts: an ice breaker (which initiates the conversation), rapport (where you ask further questions to continue the conversation), and an exit (which involves gracefully ending the conversation).
Small talk involves three parts: an ice breaker (which initiates the conversation), rapport (where you ask further questions to continue the conversation), and an exit (which involves gracefully ending the conversation).
The Weather
Gavin Allanwood / Unsplash
Talking aboutthe weathermay seem mundane, but it’s a neutral topic that anyone can discuss.Did a big storm just blow through? Are you in the middle of a heatwave? Look outside your door for conversation starters such as:
Arts and Entertainment
Try these:
A few examples:
Skip talking about movies, television, or books that your conversation partner has not seen or read. If no one else has seen the movie, don’t go into detail about the plot or the funny scenes. Find some common ground and build your discussion from there.
You might have to ask several people before you get someone interested in talking with you. Be okay with rejection, or even seek it out. It’s all just practice, after all, and practice is key.
Small talk is about building a bridge between you and another person. It doesn’t matter so muchwhatyou talk about, but rather that youstart talkingin the first place.
Sports are always good things to talk about. They might include:
If your conversation partner supports a rival team, avoid trash-talking. Instead, keep your discussion on things like team or player performance.
You might ask someone, “Did you catch that golf tournament over the weekend?” Although this might be uncomfortable at first, it will feel more natural with practice.
Simon Ritzmann / Getty Images
Conversation-starters aboutfamilymight include:
Use caution when asking about potentially sensitive or unpleasant topics—for example, infertility, parenting approaches, death, sickness, divorce, and the like.
Maskot / Getty Images
Keep food convos neutral andpositive. Try these:
As with other conversation-starters, stick to positive topics andavoid complainingabout foods you dislike.
Another popular thing to talk about is work.You might be asked what you do or whether youlike your job. If you do something unusual that’s hard to explain, consider keeping business cards in your wallet.
You might open a conversation with these questions:
Avoid getting intocomplaints or grievances about work. Others might develop unfavorable impressions based on these negative interactions.
Buena Vista Images / Getty Images
People like to hear aboutvacations. If you travel, be ready to answer questions and give your opinions about places you’ve visited.
People tend to enjoy hearing about favorite travel spots and recommendations. Your conversation partner might jump at the chance to recount a joyful vacation.
Celebrity Gossip
Joining a Conversation
Hero Images / Getty Images
Be sure to ask follow-up questions as you listen to someone talk about their hobbies. Listen between the lines, as well. If someone says, “That was the last time I ever went skiing,” for instance, ask why.
Hometowns
In a small-talk situation, you might be asked about your hometown. For example:
Have an interesting anecdote or story ready to tell. Ask others about their hometowns, too; you might find a common connection.
Focus, repeat the name, think of someone else with that name, use the name in conversation, and say it again whenleaving the conversation.
Worst Small-Talk Topics
You’re better off avoiding these topics you’re better off avoiding.
Asking personal financial questions of someone you’ve just met is inappropriate. You can ask what they do for work or the positive aspects of their career, but don’t ask about salaries. Most people will find this question intrusive and inappropriate, especially if they’re experiencingfinancial stress.
Politics and Religion
Someone in the crowd might have strong opinions, particularly in recent times, so stay away from this topic unless you want to risk a heated conversation.Religioncan be equally polarizing.
Americans Are Stressed About Politics
Sexand other intimate topics are inappropriate for small talk. These topics are likely to make others feel uncomfortable or violated.
Deathis another heavy topic to avoid in casual conversation. In general, don’t bring up emotional, possibly upsetting topics.
Yadira G. Morel / Getty Images
Unless you know someone well, don’t ask about their age orappearance. Never ask anyone if they’re pregnant or comment on their weight. (This goes for thinness as well as the opposite.) There might be a reason for weight gain or loss that the person doesn’t want to share or call attention to.
Personal Gossip
Celebrity gossip is fair game during small talk, but gossip about people you know personally is not.This puts you in a bad light, risks offending someone about a common acquaintance, and can lead to embarrassment.
Offensive Jokes and Comments
Jokes and slurs based onrace, culture, sex, orsexual orientationare offensive, regardless of the circumstances.
Narrow Topics
Ezra Bailey / Getty Images
Avoid talking at length about topics only you’re familiar with, such as specialized expertise in a particular field or uncommon hobbies of which your conversation partner has no knowledge.
This doesn’t mean you don’t have to avoid mentioning these topics entirely. If someone asks you what your hobbies are, for instance, mentioning some uncommon ones can be an interesting jumping-off point for certain conversations.
The key is to keep the discussion more general and skip getting into long-winded speeches about highly specializedthings you are passionate about(unless the other person shares those same passions).
Watch for signs that others have lost interest and, if they appear, find a quick ending to your story.
Past Relationships
Avoid talking about past relationships on afirst dateor within other small talk conversations. When forging new romantic connections, making comparisons or talking endlessly about a past love interest is a turnoff and may ensure you don’t get a second date.
Talking aboutpast relationshipstends to focus on negative topics, which is generally something you should try to avoid when making small talk. Your conversation partner may be hesitant to talk, as well, if it seems like you might talk negatively aboutthemin the future.
Health issues tend to make poor choices for small talk. While you might be tempted to share the latest health kick you’re trying, or ache and pain you’re suffering, the person you are sharing it with may be less interested. Some topics to avoid include:
Avoid discussing potentially sensitive health issues, whether they are your own or somebody else’s. Asking others about their health can come off as intrusive, so it’s best to avoid it.
There are a number of things you can do to help make small talk easier, whether you are meeting new people ordealing with social anxiety at a party. Asking open-ended questions and engaging in active listening can help you have great conversations with new people.
Some good small talk questions that can help initiate a conversation include:
Try to stay positive and discuss optimistic topics. Avoid complaining, airing grievances, or displaying a pessimistic attitude. If you do bring up something that isn’t generating interest or find yourself in anawkward conversation, change the subject and move on to something else.
How Do You Avoid Small Talk?
That said, if your goal in avoiding small talk is to have more meaningful conversations, asking open-ended questions is a good way to prompt a more in-depth discussion.
The Takeaway
Starting conversationsand making small talk gets easier with practice. Rehearse some topics that don’t make others uncomfortable, and avoid controversial and personal issues. Your goals are to be pleasant, perhaps pass the time, and leave the other person feeling good about having chatted with you.
6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Methot J, Rosado-Solomon E, Downes P, Gabriel A.Office chitchat as a social ritual: The uplifting yet distracting effects of daily small talk at work.Acad Managem J. 2021;64(5). doi:10.5465/amj.2018.1474Brown ML.Learning the art of small talk. American Library Association.University of Illinois Graduate College.Tips for networking events.Sergeevna K.The use of small talk technique as a means of practising communicative skills for students of non-linguistic university.Innov Trends Develop Russian Sci. 2020:159-60.Kangan Institute.11 tips to help you network better!Northwestern Mutual.Why we dislike talking about money — and what to do about it.
6 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Methot J, Rosado-Solomon E, Downes P, Gabriel A.Office chitchat as a social ritual: The uplifting yet distracting effects of daily small talk at work.Acad Managem J. 2021;64(5). doi:10.5465/amj.2018.1474Brown ML.Learning the art of small talk. American Library Association.University of Illinois Graduate College.Tips for networking events.Sergeevna K.The use of small talk technique as a means of practising communicative skills for students of non-linguistic university.Innov Trends Develop Russian Sci. 2020:159-60.Kangan Institute.11 tips to help you network better!Northwestern Mutual.Why we dislike talking about money — and what to do about it.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Methot J, Rosado-Solomon E, Downes P, Gabriel A.Office chitchat as a social ritual: The uplifting yet distracting effects of daily small talk at work.Acad Managem J. 2021;64(5). doi:10.5465/amj.2018.1474Brown ML.Learning the art of small talk. American Library Association.University of Illinois Graduate College.Tips for networking events.Sergeevna K.The use of small talk technique as a means of practising communicative skills for students of non-linguistic university.Innov Trends Develop Russian Sci. 2020:159-60.Kangan Institute.11 tips to help you network better!Northwestern Mutual.Why we dislike talking about money — and what to do about it.
Methot J, Rosado-Solomon E, Downes P, Gabriel A.Office chitchat as a social ritual: The uplifting yet distracting effects of daily small talk at work.Acad Managem J. 2021;64(5). doi:10.5465/amj.2018.1474
Brown ML.Learning the art of small talk. American Library Association.
University of Illinois Graduate College.Tips for networking events.
Sergeevna K.The use of small talk technique as a means of practising communicative skills for students of non-linguistic university.Innov Trends Develop Russian Sci. 2020:159-60.
Kangan Institute.11 tips to help you network better!
Northwestern Mutual.Why we dislike talking about money — and what to do about it.
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