Disclaimer
The DSM-5-TR definesalcohol use disorder(AUD) as “a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to clinically significant impairment or distress." A diagnosis requires that the person meet at least 2 of the 11diagnostic criteriawithin a 12-month period.
Spotting AUD in its early stages can be tricky. If you’re asking, “Is my boyfriend/girlfriend an alcoholic?” you’ve probably noticed one or moreworrisome behaviorsor intuitively picked up on a subtle clue.
This article reviews 10 signs of alcohol use disorder to watch for in someone you’re dating.
Early Signs of AUD
AUD is a progressive diseasethat develops over time. Contrary to stereotypes, the signs can be subtle. When someone at risk for developing AUD continues to drink, the signs become more apparent and numerous until the problem finally becomes obvious.
Here’s what to look for if you’re questioning whether your significant other is developing alcohol use disorder.
1Their Social Life Revolves Around Alcoholmediaphotos / iStockAttending events held only where alcohol is available or spending time only with others who drink alcohol could be an early sign of alcohol use disorder. For example, someone who isdeveloping a problem with alcoholwould forgo a Little League game in favor of a college game and tailgate parties. They might see an occasional movie with you, but they’d suggest going to a bar afterward.2They Drink to Relieve StressA person with alcohol use disorder relies on alcohol to cope with everyday life. Alcohol becomes the chief tool with which they deal with emotions and becomes a disproportionally important part of their life.3They Don’t Seem IntoxicatedBecause they’vedeveloped a tolerance for alcohol, the person might not seem intoxicated until they’ve consumed many drinks. They need increasingly more alcohol to make them feel the way one or two drinks used to.4Their Personality ChangesAlthough they might not appear intoxicated after a few drinks, their mood might change. A quiet, reserved person, for example, might become confrontational or verbally abusive. Someone who usually doesn’t express their feelings might become overly emotional after drinking.5They Get Irritable When Not DrinkingA person with AUD may start to become irritable as they reach their threshold of tolerable sobriety. They believe they need a drink to unwind, relax, and improve their mood. Although their mood may improve temporarily, it can shift again as the drinking continues.This instability affects personal relationships negatively.6They Drink Even When They Don’t Plan ToThey might not plan to drink but can’t resist when around others who are drinking. They might tell you they’re going to drink one or two but usually end up having more.7They Don’t Stick to One BrandMost social drinkers stick to a few favorite kinds of alcohol.A person who is developing alcohol use disorder will drink whatever they can obtain. The types and brands may change, but the drinking will not stop.8Drinking Has Caused ProblemsThey might miss time at work, havetrouble with the law, lose relationships with family and friends, lose their driving license, or face other challenges because of their behavior. Frequently, a person with AUD will swear off alcohol givennegative repercussionsbut ultimately will be unable to stop.9They’re ResourcefulAlcohol shuffles the person’s priorities. For example, they might not have enough money for a dinner date but somehow manage to buy alcohol. They might put off a necessary purchase or neglect financial obligations in favor of buying alcohol, causing a cascade of problematic consequences.10They Have a Family History of AUDAfamily history of alcohol use disorderputs a person at greater risk for the disease than the general population.As you become acquainted with their family, you might notice signs of AUD among them.
1Their Social Life Revolves Around Alcoholmediaphotos / iStockAttending events held only where alcohol is available or spending time only with others who drink alcohol could be an early sign of alcohol use disorder. For example, someone who isdeveloping a problem with alcoholwould forgo a Little League game in favor of a college game and tailgate parties. They might see an occasional movie with you, but they’d suggest going to a bar afterward.
1
Their Social Life Revolves Around Alcoholmediaphotos / iStockAttending events held only where alcohol is available or spending time only with others who drink alcohol could be an early sign of alcohol use disorder. For example, someone who isdeveloping a problem with alcoholwould forgo a Little League game in favor of a college game and tailgate parties. They might see an occasional movie with you, but they’d suggest going to a bar afterward.
Their Social Life Revolves Around Alcohol
mediaphotos / iStock
Attending events held only where alcohol is available or spending time only with others who drink alcohol could be an early sign of alcohol use disorder. For example, someone who isdeveloping a problem with alcoholwould forgo a Little League game in favor of a college game and tailgate parties. They might see an occasional movie with you, but they’d suggest going to a bar afterward.
2They Drink to Relieve StressA person with alcohol use disorder relies on alcohol to cope with everyday life. Alcohol becomes the chief tool with which they deal with emotions and becomes a disproportionally important part of their life.
2
They Drink to Relieve StressA person with alcohol use disorder relies on alcohol to cope with everyday life. Alcohol becomes the chief tool with which they deal with emotions and becomes a disproportionally important part of their life.
They Drink to Relieve Stress
A person with alcohol use disorder relies on alcohol to cope with everyday life. Alcohol becomes the chief tool with which they deal with emotions and becomes a disproportionally important part of their life.
3They Don’t Seem IntoxicatedBecause they’vedeveloped a tolerance for alcohol, the person might not seem intoxicated until they’ve consumed many drinks. They need increasingly more alcohol to make them feel the way one or two drinks used to.
3
They Don’t Seem IntoxicatedBecause they’vedeveloped a tolerance for alcohol, the person might not seem intoxicated until they’ve consumed many drinks. They need increasingly more alcohol to make them feel the way one or two drinks used to.
They Don’t Seem Intoxicated
Because they’vedeveloped a tolerance for alcohol, the person might not seem intoxicated until they’ve consumed many drinks. They need increasingly more alcohol to make them feel the way one or two drinks used to.
4Their Personality ChangesAlthough they might not appear intoxicated after a few drinks, their mood might change. A quiet, reserved person, for example, might become confrontational or verbally abusive. Someone who usually doesn’t express their feelings might become overly emotional after drinking.
4
Their Personality ChangesAlthough they might not appear intoxicated after a few drinks, their mood might change. A quiet, reserved person, for example, might become confrontational or verbally abusive. Someone who usually doesn’t express their feelings might become overly emotional after drinking.
Their Personality Changes
Although they might not appear intoxicated after a few drinks, their mood might change. A quiet, reserved person, for example, might become confrontational or verbally abusive. Someone who usually doesn’t express their feelings might become overly emotional after drinking.
5They Get Irritable When Not DrinkingA person with AUD may start to become irritable as they reach their threshold of tolerable sobriety. They believe they need a drink to unwind, relax, and improve their mood. Although their mood may improve temporarily, it can shift again as the drinking continues.This instability affects personal relationships negatively.
5
They Get Irritable When Not DrinkingA person with AUD may start to become irritable as they reach their threshold of tolerable sobriety. They believe they need a drink to unwind, relax, and improve their mood. Although their mood may improve temporarily, it can shift again as the drinking continues.This instability affects personal relationships negatively.
They Get Irritable When Not Drinking
A person with AUD may start to become irritable as they reach their threshold of tolerable sobriety. They believe they need a drink to unwind, relax, and improve their mood. Although their mood may improve temporarily, it can shift again as the drinking continues.This instability affects personal relationships negatively.
6They Drink Even When They Don’t Plan ToThey might not plan to drink but can’t resist when around others who are drinking. They might tell you they’re going to drink one or two but usually end up having more.
6
They Drink Even When They Don’t Plan ToThey might not plan to drink but can’t resist when around others who are drinking. They might tell you they’re going to drink one or two but usually end up having more.
They Drink Even When They Don’t Plan To
They might not plan to drink but can’t resist when around others who are drinking. They might tell you they’re going to drink one or two but usually end up having more.
7They Don’t Stick to One BrandMost social drinkers stick to a few favorite kinds of alcohol.A person who is developing alcohol use disorder will drink whatever they can obtain. The types and brands may change, but the drinking will not stop.
7
They Don’t Stick to One BrandMost social drinkers stick to a few favorite kinds of alcohol.A person who is developing alcohol use disorder will drink whatever they can obtain. The types and brands may change, but the drinking will not stop.
They Don’t Stick to One Brand
Most social drinkers stick to a few favorite kinds of alcohol.A person who is developing alcohol use disorder will drink whatever they can obtain. The types and brands may change, but the drinking will not stop.
8Drinking Has Caused ProblemsThey might miss time at work, havetrouble with the law, lose relationships with family and friends, lose their driving license, or face other challenges because of their behavior. Frequently, a person with AUD will swear off alcohol givennegative repercussionsbut ultimately will be unable to stop.
8
Drinking Has Caused ProblemsThey might miss time at work, havetrouble with the law, lose relationships with family and friends, lose their driving license, or face other challenges because of their behavior. Frequently, a person with AUD will swear off alcohol givennegative repercussionsbut ultimately will be unable to stop.
Drinking Has Caused Problems
They might miss time at work, havetrouble with the law, lose relationships with family and friends, lose their driving license, or face other challenges because of their behavior. Frequently, a person with AUD will swear off alcohol givennegative repercussionsbut ultimately will be unable to stop.
9They’re ResourcefulAlcohol shuffles the person’s priorities. For example, they might not have enough money for a dinner date but somehow manage to buy alcohol. They might put off a necessary purchase or neglect financial obligations in favor of buying alcohol, causing a cascade of problematic consequences.
9
They’re ResourcefulAlcohol shuffles the person’s priorities. For example, they might not have enough money for a dinner date but somehow manage to buy alcohol. They might put off a necessary purchase or neglect financial obligations in favor of buying alcohol, causing a cascade of problematic consequences.
They’re Resourceful
Alcohol shuffles the person’s priorities. For example, they might not have enough money for a dinner date but somehow manage to buy alcohol. They might put off a necessary purchase or neglect financial obligations in favor of buying alcohol, causing a cascade of problematic consequences.
10They Have a Family History of AUDAfamily history of alcohol use disorderputs a person at greater risk for the disease than the general population.As you become acquainted with their family, you might notice signs of AUD among them.
10
They Have a Family History of AUDAfamily history of alcohol use disorderputs a person at greater risk for the disease than the general population.As you become acquainted with their family, you might notice signs of AUD among them.
They Have a Family History of AUD
Afamily history of alcohol use disorderputs a person at greater risk for the disease than the general population.As you become acquainted with their family, you might notice signs of AUD among them.
Final ThoughtsIf your boyfriend or girlfriend exhibits a few of these signs, they might be at risk for AUD. Learn all you can about AUD, how to help someone with the disease—and whatnotto do. Remember that AUD is a disease, not a moral failing.Although you cannot directly change another person’s behavior, youcancontrol your own attitude and actions. For example, caring but firmboundariescan be difficult but can help you maintain your own mental health.Being aware of self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) might help you steer your person to appropriate resources when they’re ready to accept them. Such groups sometimes offer support groups for friends and family, as well, such asAl-Anon. There, you’ll find others who are going through similar experiences.If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.How To Help Someone With A Drinking Problem
Final Thoughts
If your boyfriend or girlfriend exhibits a few of these signs, they might be at risk for AUD. Learn all you can about AUD, how to help someone with the disease—and whatnotto do. Remember that AUD is a disease, not a moral failing.
Although you cannot directly change another person’s behavior, youcancontrol your own attitude and actions. For example, caring but firmboundariescan be difficult but can help you maintain your own mental health.
Being aware of self-help groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) might help you steer your person to appropriate resources when they’re ready to accept them. Such groups sometimes offer support groups for friends and family, as well, such asAl-Anon. There, you’ll find others who are going through similar experiences.
If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
If you or a loved one are struggling with substance use or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
How To Help Someone With A Drinking Problem
7 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
American Psychiatric Association.Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR); 2022. doi:10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787
National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.Understanding alcohol use disorder.
National Center for Biotechnology Information.Information about alcohol. In:NIH Curriculum Supplement Series[Internet]. National Institutes of Health; 2007.
Steele CM, Southwick L.Alcohol and social behavior I: The psychology of drunken excess.J Pers Soc Psychol.1985;48(1):18-34. doi 10.1037/0022-3514.48.1.18
Chartier KG, Thomas NS, Kendler KS.Interrelationship between family history of alcoholism and generational status in the prediction of alcohol dependence in US Hispanics.Psychol Med. 2017;47(1):137–147. doi:10.1017/S0033291716002105
Institute of Medicine Committee on Treatment of Alcohol Problems.International review of treatment and rehabilitation services for alcoholism and alcohol abuse. In:Broadening the Base of Treatment for Alcohol Problems Report of a Study. National Academy Press; 1990.
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