Signs You Might Be In an Unhealthy Relationship, And What to Do

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsAre You in a Healthy Relationship? Take the QuizCharacteristics of Unhealthy RelationshipsAm I in an Unhealthy Relationship?What to DoWhen to Seek HelpWhen to End an Unhealthy Relationship

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Are You in a Healthy Relationship? Take the Quiz

Characteristics of Unhealthy Relationships

Am I in an Unhealthy Relationship?

What to Do

When to Seek Help

When to End an Unhealthy Relationship

Close

If it feels like we’re all constantly psychoanalyzing ourselves and our relationships, you’d be right. Discussions around topics like narcissism,gaslighting, red flags, and toxic behavior are happening all over social media, but there’s more to an unhealthy relationship than just these buzzy terms.

Unhealthy relationships can have a significant detrimental impact on your health, happiness, and overall well-being.

The problem is that whilesome relationships are clearly toxicor even abusive, a lot of unhealthy relationship patterns can develop over time and be much more subtle.

While no relationship is perfect, it is important to be able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship and know what to do to either change it or end it. Knowing what steps to take in this situation can make your relationship healthier and help you identify when to get professional help.

At a GlanceAll relationships are different and not one of them is perfect 100% of the time. Everyone has days where they feel irritable, short-tempered, or exhausted, and it is understandable that those feelings sometimes spill over into their relationships.But it is important to remind yourself that you deserve to have a relationship where you feel healthy, supported, and happy. You deserve to have relationships with people who support you and your interests.If you suspect that you might be involved in an unhealthy relationship, spend some time considering the impact it has on your life, whether these issues can be fixed, and whether it might be time to end the relationship.

At a Glance

All relationships are different and not one of them is perfect 100% of the time. Everyone has days where they feel irritable, short-tempered, or exhausted, and it is understandable that those feelings sometimes spill over into their relationships.But it is important to remind yourself that you deserve to have a relationship where you feel healthy, supported, and happy. You deserve to have relationships with people who support you and your interests.If you suspect that you might be involved in an unhealthy relationship, spend some time considering the impact it has on your life, whether these issues can be fixed, and whether it might be time to end the relationship.

All relationships are different and not one of them is perfect 100% of the time. Everyone has days where they feel irritable, short-tempered, or exhausted, and it is understandable that those feelings sometimes spill over into their relationships.

But it is important to remind yourself that you deserve to have a relationship where you feel healthy, supported, and happy. You deserve to have relationships with people who support you and your interests.

If you suspect that you might be involved in an unhealthy relationship, spend some time considering the impact it has on your life, whether these issues can be fixed, and whether it might be time to end the relationship.

If you’ve got questions about your relationship, ourfast and free quizcan help you better understand if your partnership is rock solid or if it could use some work.

13 Red Flags in Relationships

Common Characteristics of Unhealthy Relationships

Every relationship is different and may change over time. A relationship can start out very healthy and slowly turn into something you need to fix (or get out of). And there are some important qualities that tend to characterize unhealthy relationships.

Control

In unhealthy relationships, one person may try to control the other person’s life. This may be done through intimidation, but it can also involve other types ofmanipulation.

Sometimes the person may engage in behaviors that seem extremely affectionate and loving. In reality, these actions are designed to keep tabs on the other individual and prevent them from doing things or going places where they are outside of the other person’s control.

Controlling behavior can also involve isolating a person from their friends and family. It can also mean cutting off communication, cutting off access to finances, or making it difficult to leave the situation.

Control may also take the form of possessiveness and jealousy. While both of these are normal human emotions that people may experience from time to time, they are unhealthy when someone is trying to control what you do, when they lash out at you when they become upset, or when they accuse you of infidelity.

Feeling Led On? You Might Be A Victim of Breadcrumbing

Lack of Trust

In order to develop healthy trust, both people in a relationship have to engage in mutual, reciprocalself-disclosure. This involves revealing things about yourself over time as the relationship deepens and grows. The process of sharing and listening contributes to feelings ofemotional intimacyand closeness. But if you feel like you cannot trust the other person with your innermost feelings, you’re not likely to tell them your feeling, thoughts, or memories.

If you have a history of not being able to depend on the people you should be able to trust the most, you may find it difficult to trust your romantic partners.

Disrespect

Disrespect can take a variety of forms in unhealthy relationships. Sometimes it might mean someone being dismissive of the other person. In other cases, it can involve outright ridiculing or making fun of the opinions or interests of the other person.

This disrespect can often feel like rejection, which can lead to a range of emotions including hurt feelings, shame, guilt, loneliness, embarrassment, andsocial anxiety.

Poor Communication

Communication style has been shown to be a key predictor of divorce and has more of an impact than commitment, stress, and personality when it comes to marital success.

RecapSome of the common characteristics that are often seen in unhealthy relationships include controlling behaviors, mistrust, disrespect, and poor communication.

Recap

Some of the common characteristics that are often seen in unhealthy relationships include controlling behaviors, mistrust, disrespect, and poor communication.

What to Do If You’re Unhappy In Your Relationship

In an unhealthy relationship, you might feel like you always have towalk on eggshellsaround the other person. Or you might feel like you always have to hide what you really think or feel. You might even feel like you have to give up the things that you really want in order to keep the other person happy.

Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is the feeling that things are imbalanced.One-sided relationshipsare those in which one person invests more effort, energy, and emotion in maintaining the relationship. Such relationships can be unhealthy and often leave the person who is doing all the work feeling unsupported, isolated and drained.

Sometimes unhealthy behaviors can emerge during times of extreme stress. In other cases, persistent patterns of unhealthy behaviors may worsen over time or emerge during different stages of a relationship.

RecapUnhealthy patterns can sometimes emerge during times of stress or conflict. While these are often temporary, more persistent unhealthy patterns indicate that something needs to change or that the relationship may be headed toward its demise.

Unhealthy patterns can sometimes emerge during times of stress or conflict. While these are often temporary, more persistent unhealthy patterns indicate that something needs to change or that the relationship may be headed toward its demise.

9 Yellow Flags in a Relationship–Signs and How to Deal With Them

How to Change an Unhealthy Relationship

The social connection and support that relationships provide are essential for both physical and emotional health. Studies have found thathealthy relationshipscan affect your life in positive ways, including lowering your risk of dying and protecting you from loneliness and isolation.

Because good relationships are so essential for your well-being, it is essential to take steps to protect yourself from those that have the potential to damage your health. If you believe that you are in an unhealthy relationship, it is important to take steps to fix the problem.

Change is possible if both people are committed to addressing the problems and are open to making a change.

Decide if the Relationship Is Fixable

The first step is to decide whether or not the unhealthyrelationship can be repaired. In order to heal the damage and move forward in a way that is healthy for both people involved,  it is necessary to make sure that both parties are willing to participate in making the relationship work. When one person is unwilling to change their unhealthy behavior, the relationship is likely not savable.

Maintain Interdependence

Healthy relationships encourageinterdependenceinstead ofcodependence. People who are interdependent understand the benefits of being able to turn to their partner when they need support, and they recognize the value and importance of supporting their partner. At the same time, they are able to maintain their own sense of self outside of their partner and their relationship with one another.

When both people in a relationship strive for interdependence, they are able to strike a balance where they are able to offer emotional intimacy and support their partner’s needs while not becoming dependent on the other person.

Build a Healthy Connection

Other strategies that can help:

RecapThere are steps you can take to address unhealthy patterns in a relationship. If you decide the relationship can be saved, look for ways to build a healthy emotional connection while maintaining interdependence.

There are steps you can take to address unhealthy patterns in a relationship. If you decide the relationship can be saved, look for ways to build a healthy emotional connection while maintaining interdependence.

There are things that you can do on your own to strengthen your relationship, but sometimes you might benefit from reaching out to a mental health professional for help.

Couples therapycan help address both individual and mutual issues that might exist in a relationship. For example, a therapist can help treat underlying mental health conditions that might be having a negative impact on how people relate to one another in a relationship.

A therapist can also help in cases where people have different expectations of what they hope to get out of a relationship. For example, in unhealthy one-sided relationships, one person might be carrying more of the work because they are more committed while the other person is less invested.

A mental health professional can also help couples work on unhealthy communication skills that can be creating toxicity and conflict in the relationship. A therapist can also help each person develop and practice skills that can help them deal with conflict more effectively.

Avoiding conflict is not possible or even advisable—even healthy relationships experience disagreement and conflict. The key is knowing how to handle it effectively. When handled well, it allows people to address problems and make changes that are ultimately good for the health of the relationship.

RecapTherapy can be helpful if you are in an unhealthy relationship. A therapist can help you work on individual issues and aid you in learning new coping and communication skills. Therapy may be most beneficial when both people are willing to participate and are committed to making a change.

Therapy can be helpful if you are in an unhealthy relationship. A therapist can help you work on individual issues and aid you in learning new coping and communication skills. Therapy may be most beneficial when both people are willing to participate and are committed to making a change.

Not every relationship isworth saving. If you’ve done your part but the other person is not willing to change or help, it may be time to walk away and invest your effort in healthier, more supportive relationships with other people.

If the other person has no interest in changing or if the situation involves abuse in any form, ending the relationship is often the best way to protect your well-being.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Youth.gov.Characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.Leary MR.Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(4):435-441. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.4/mlearyLavner JA, Bradbury TN.Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(1):1-10. doi:10.1037/a0025966Umberson D, Montez JK.Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy.J Health Soc Behav. 2010;51 Suppl(Suppl):S54–S66. doi:10.1177/0022146510383501Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Youth.gov.Characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.Leary MR.Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(4):435-441. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.4/mlearyLavner JA, Bradbury TN.Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(1):1-10. doi:10.1037/a0025966Umberson D, Montez JK.Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy.J Health Soc Behav. 2010;51 Suppl(Suppl):S54–S66. doi:10.1177/0022146510383501Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Youth.gov.Characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.Leary MR.Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(4):435-441. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.4/mlearyLavner JA, Bradbury TN.Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(1):1-10. doi:10.1037/a0025966Umberson D, Montez JK.Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy.J Health Soc Behav. 2010;51 Suppl(Suppl):S54–S66. doi:10.1177/0022146510383501Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002

Youth.gov.Characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Leary MR.Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection.Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(4):435-441. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2015.17.4/mleary

Lavner JA, Bradbury TN.Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(1):1-10. doi:10.1037/a0025966

Umberson D, Montez JK.Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy.J Health Soc Behav. 2010;51 Suppl(Suppl):S54–S66. doi:10.1177/0022146510383501

Overall NC, McNulty JK.What type of communication during conflict is beneficial for intimate relationships?.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:1–5. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.03.002

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