Signs You May Be Autosexual

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns You May Be AutosexualHow Autosexuality Affects Romantic RelationshipsChallenges Autosexual People May FaceHow to Support Someone Who Is Autosexual

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs You May Be Autosexual

How Autosexuality Affects Romantic Relationships

Challenges Autosexual People May Face

How to Support Someone Who Is Autosexual

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Autosexuality is asexual orientationin which a person is more attracted to themselves than to other people. Some people with this sexuality may prefer masturbation to sex with others.Nikki Coleman, PhDAutosexuality means you experience intensities or types of sexual pleasure with yourself that you are not able to experience with partners.Autosexuality exists on a spectrum and no one’s experience of being autosexual is the same. “Just as much as there is diversity among sexual identity and expression among heterosexual or queer folks, there is for autosexual folks,” saysRachel Gersten, LPCC,a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva.This article discusses the signs that may indicate you’re autosexual, the challenges and stigma that are associated with autosexuality, how autosexuality impacts your relationships, and ways you can support people who identify as autosexual.Glossary of Must-Know Sexual Identity TermsSigns You May Be AutosexualSomeone may identify as autosexual if theirsexual arousaland satisfaction is higher through masturbation than with another person.Here are some signs that can indicate you are autosexual.You Experience More Sexual Pleasure With Yourself Than With OthersAlthough many people feel aroused with themselves and others—with pleasure from partnered sex varying between encounters for anyone—autosexuality means “you experience intensities or types of sexual pleasure with yourself that you are not able to experience with partners,” saysNikki Coleman, PhD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in racial trauma, relationships, and sexuality.Just as much as there is diversity among sexual identity and expression among heterosexual or queer folks, there is for autosexual folks.You Are the Main Character in Your Sexual FantasiesAnother big distinguisher, according to Dr. Coleman, is “If you are the star in your sexual fantasies or thoughts of self-pleasure turn you on more than partnered play” you might be autosexual.How a Sex Therapist Can HelpIf you can access one, a sex coach or therapist can help you figure out if you’re autosexual.Dr. Coleman says that asex therapistcan help you determine if autosexuality is your true and most authentic sexual orientation or if it’s the result of past trauma.While you’re the only one who can determine your sexual identity, a therapist can help you process your feelings.Additionally, in getting a better understanding of your sexuality, Gersten recommends checking in with yourself about how you feel sexually and emotionally while being intimate with yourself or others. This awareness can help you determine your preferences and what brings youpleasure.Expert-Vetted: Our Picks for the Best Online Sex Therapy Services of 2024How Autosexuality Affects Romantic RelationshipsThere can be a sense of “mismatchedlibido” when one person prefers partnered sex and the other would rather masturbate, says Dr. Coleman. Neither of these is wrong, but they can make it challenging to feel connected or in sync sexually.Open communication about what you want is critical for each partner in any relationship, especially when desires don’t fully align.“It likely will need to be a conversation with any future romantic partners on how to make a sex life fulfilling for all parties,” says Gersten. “Someone who identifies as autosexual may also only choose to spend time in that context with others who identify as the same.”Open communication about what you want is critical for each partner in any relationship, especially when desires don’t fully align.Sexuality vs. Gender: What’s the Difference?Challenges Autosexual People May FaceStigmas still exist for anyone who is not heterosexual—what society still wrongly considers the “norm.” Autosexual people can still face stigma and “an attitude that you’re not ‘supposed to’ feel that way,” says Gersten.Autosexuality and StigmaDr. Coleman explains that thestigmaaround autosexuality, though, can mean a person is holding onto shame or isdefensiveabout their desires for fear of judgment. This can lead to additional conflict and a lack of communication.A Guide to Coming OutPeople Assume That Autosexuality Is Linked to Narcissism and SelfishnessAutosexuality has a slew of negative connotations, such as that a person is selfish, narcissistic, or prudish. These labels fuel “otherness” and diminish an individual’s experience of sexuality.Some People Believe That Autosexuality and Asexuality Are the Same—They’re NotIt’s critical to note another misconception. Some believe that autosexuality is the same asasexualityand it’s not.AsexualitySomeone who is asexual is not attracted to anyone, or rarely sexually attracted to another person regardless of their gender.Autosexuality isn’t a type of sexual dysfunction and it’s also not a choice to be celibate. Autosexual people can be attracted to and enjoy intimacy with themselves and others. But, the degree to which they want to interact with another person sexually depends on where they fall on the autosexuality spectrum.How to Support Someone Who Is AutosexualPeople deserve respect and kindness. There is nothing shameful or wrong about finding yourself attractive or enjoying masturbation more than partnered sex.If someone tells you that they’re autosexual, believe them. “Listen more than you speak and be willing to challenge yourself about any negative biases you are holding,” says Dr. Coleman.Can I Ask Someone About Their Identity?Sexuality is a very personal experience. So use your judgment when determining if it’s OK to ask someone about their sexuality. If you know that they’re already open to or enjoy talking about their sexuality, then it may be safe to ask them. So, if they’re comfortable with it, talk to them about their experience. If someone does not want to talk to you about it, then respect their boundary.If you don’t know of someone who is autosexual, you can go online and read forums or personal essays from people who are autosexual so that you can get a better understanding of what sexuality means to them.The most important thing you can ask, though, Gersten says, is “what they need and how to best be an ally for them.“What to Do When You’re Questioning Your Sexuality

Autosexuality is asexual orientationin which a person is more attracted to themselves than to other people. Some people with this sexuality may prefer masturbation to sex with others.

Nikki Coleman, PhDAutosexuality means you experience intensities or types of sexual pleasure with yourself that you are not able to experience with partners.

Nikki Coleman, PhD

Autosexuality means you experience intensities or types of sexual pleasure with yourself that you are not able to experience with partners.

Autosexuality exists on a spectrum and no one’s experience of being autosexual is the same. “Just as much as there is diversity among sexual identity and expression among heterosexual or queer folks, there is for autosexual folks,” saysRachel Gersten, LPCC,a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva.

This article discusses the signs that may indicate you’re autosexual, the challenges and stigma that are associated with autosexuality, how autosexuality impacts your relationships, and ways you can support people who identify as autosexual.

Glossary of Must-Know Sexual Identity Terms

Someone may identify as autosexual if theirsexual arousaland satisfaction is higher through masturbation than with another person.

Here are some signs that can indicate you are autosexual.

You Experience More Sexual Pleasure With Yourself Than With Others

Although many people feel aroused with themselves and others—with pleasure from partnered sex varying between encounters for anyone—autosexuality means “you experience intensities or types of sexual pleasure with yourself that you are not able to experience with partners,” saysNikki Coleman, PhD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in racial trauma, relationships, and sexuality.

Just as much as there is diversity among sexual identity and expression among heterosexual or queer folks, there is for autosexual folks.

You Are the Main Character in Your Sexual Fantasies

Another big distinguisher, according to Dr. Coleman, is “If you are the star in your sexual fantasies or thoughts of self-pleasure turn you on more than partnered play” you might be autosexual.

How a Sex Therapist Can HelpIf you can access one, a sex coach or therapist can help you figure out if you’re autosexual.Dr. Coleman says that asex therapistcan help you determine if autosexuality is your true and most authentic sexual orientation or if it’s the result of past trauma.While you’re the only one who can determine your sexual identity, a therapist can help you process your feelings.Additionally, in getting a better understanding of your sexuality, Gersten recommends checking in with yourself about how you feel sexually and emotionally while being intimate with yourself or others. This awareness can help you determine your preferences and what brings youpleasure.

How a Sex Therapist Can Help

If you can access one, a sex coach or therapist can help you figure out if you’re autosexual.Dr. Coleman says that asex therapistcan help you determine if autosexuality is your true and most authentic sexual orientation or if it’s the result of past trauma.While you’re the only one who can determine your sexual identity, a therapist can help you process your feelings.Additionally, in getting a better understanding of your sexuality, Gersten recommends checking in with yourself about how you feel sexually and emotionally while being intimate with yourself or others. This awareness can help you determine your preferences and what brings youpleasure.

If you can access one, a sex coach or therapist can help you figure out if you’re autosexual.

Dr. Coleman says that asex therapistcan help you determine if autosexuality is your true and most authentic sexual orientation or if it’s the result of past trauma.

While you’re the only one who can determine your sexual identity, a therapist can help you process your feelings.

Additionally, in getting a better understanding of your sexuality, Gersten recommends checking in with yourself about how you feel sexually and emotionally while being intimate with yourself or others. This awareness can help you determine your preferences and what brings youpleasure.

Expert-Vetted: Our Picks for the Best Online Sex Therapy Services of 2024

There can be a sense of “mismatchedlibido” when one person prefers partnered sex and the other would rather masturbate, says Dr. Coleman. Neither of these is wrong, but they can make it challenging to feel connected or in sync sexually.

Open communication about what you want is critical for each partner in any relationship, especially when desires don’t fully align.

“It likely will need to be a conversation with any future romantic partners on how to make a sex life fulfilling for all parties,” says Gersten. “Someone who identifies as autosexual may also only choose to spend time in that context with others who identify as the same.”

Sexuality vs. Gender: What’s the Difference?

Stigmas still exist for anyone who is not heterosexual—what society still wrongly considers the “norm.” Autosexual people can still face stigma and “an attitude that you’re not ‘supposed to’ feel that way,” says Gersten.

Autosexuality and StigmaDr. Coleman explains that thestigmaaround autosexuality, though, can mean a person is holding onto shame or isdefensiveabout their desires for fear of judgment. This can lead to additional conflict and a lack of communication.

Autosexuality and Stigma

Dr. Coleman explains that thestigmaaround autosexuality, though, can mean a person is holding onto shame or isdefensiveabout their desires for fear of judgment. This can lead to additional conflict and a lack of communication.

A Guide to Coming Out

People Assume That Autosexuality Is Linked to Narcissism and Selfishness

Autosexuality has a slew of negative connotations, such as that a person is selfish, narcissistic, or prudish. These labels fuel “otherness” and diminish an individual’s experience of sexuality.

Some People Believe That Autosexuality and Asexuality Are the Same—They’re Not

It’s critical to note another misconception. Some believe that autosexuality is the same asasexualityand it’s not.

AsexualitySomeone who is asexual is not attracted to anyone, or rarely sexually attracted to another person regardless of their gender.

Asexuality

Someone who is asexual is not attracted to anyone, or rarely sexually attracted to another person regardless of their gender.

Autosexuality isn’t a type of sexual dysfunction and it’s also not a choice to be celibate. Autosexual people can be attracted to and enjoy intimacy with themselves and others. But, the degree to which they want to interact with another person sexually depends on where they fall on the autosexuality spectrum.

People deserve respect and kindness. There is nothing shameful or wrong about finding yourself attractive or enjoying masturbation more than partnered sex.

If someone tells you that they’re autosexual, believe them. “Listen more than you speak and be willing to challenge yourself about any negative biases you are holding,” says Dr. Coleman.

Can I Ask Someone About Their Identity?Sexuality is a very personal experience. So use your judgment when determining if it’s OK to ask someone about their sexuality. If you know that they’re already open to or enjoy talking about their sexuality, then it may be safe to ask them. So, if they’re comfortable with it, talk to them about their experience. If someone does not want to talk to you about it, then respect their boundary.If you don’t know of someone who is autosexual, you can go online and read forums or personal essays from people who are autosexual so that you can get a better understanding of what sexuality means to them.

Can I Ask Someone About Their Identity?

Sexuality is a very personal experience. So use your judgment when determining if it’s OK to ask someone about their sexuality. If you know that they’re already open to or enjoy talking about their sexuality, then it may be safe to ask them. So, if they’re comfortable with it, talk to them about their experience. If someone does not want to talk to you about it, then respect their boundary.If you don’t know of someone who is autosexual, you can go online and read forums or personal essays from people who are autosexual so that you can get a better understanding of what sexuality means to them.

Sexuality is a very personal experience. So use your judgment when determining if it’s OK to ask someone about their sexuality. If you know that they’re already open to or enjoy talking about their sexuality, then it may be safe to ask them. So, if they’re comfortable with it, talk to them about their experience. If someone does not want to talk to you about it, then respect their boundary.

If you don’t know of someone who is autosexual, you can go online and read forums or personal essays from people who are autosexual so that you can get a better understanding of what sexuality means to them.

The most important thing you can ask, though, Gersten says, is “what they need and how to best be an ally for them.”

What to Do When You’re Questioning Your Sexuality

1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.LGBT Center-UNC Chapel Hill.Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation.

1 Source

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.LGBT Center-UNC Chapel Hill.Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

LGBT Center-UNC Chapel Hill.Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation.

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