Signs Someone Is Using You

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns You’re Being UsedCommonly Used TacticsReasons People Use OthersImpactHow to Avoid It

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs You’re Being Used

Commonly Used Tactics

Reasons People Use Others

Impact

How to Avoid It

Close

Have you ever gotten the feeling that someone ismanipulating youfor their benefit? Or that they care more about what you can offer them than they do about you? In these situations, it’s possible that you’re being used. When someone is using you, it means they are manipulating or taking advantage of you for their own benefit.

“In some cases, the individual being used may not recognize the pattern until long after the behaviors first start. On other occasions, the individual is keenly aware they have been manipulated for another person’s gain right away,” says Marcum.

Keep reading to learn how to identify some signs that you’re being used and explore strategies to help you put a stop to it.

Recognizing the signs of being used is important, but it isn’t always cut and dry. Sometimes, it’s easy to spot the signs that someone is using you, but in other cases, this behavior can be much more subtle.

While everyone’s circumstances are different, these are some signs that someone may be using you, according to Marcum:

Signs someone is using you may vary depending on the nature of the relationship. A friend who is using you may only want to do things together at their convenience. They may expect you to listen to them, but not be willing to hear what you have to say.

In a relationship, being used might involve selfishness and disinterest in your needs. It may also involve someone only being interested in a sexual relationship while refusing to make any other type of emotional commitment.

People who are using you may also employ psychologically manipulative or abusive tactics to influence your actions and disguise their behavior. Examples of strategies they may use include:

DARVOis a tactic that some people use to manipulate others. It stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim. Using this strategy, the manipulator will deny that they are doing something wrong, act aggressively, and then reverse roles to claim that they are the victim and that you are manipulating or harming them.

What to Know If You’re Concerned About a Toxic Relationship

When someone uses you, it means they are taking advantage of you or manipulating you in some way for their own gain. It’s a painful experience, and sometimes recognizing why people engage in this type of behavior can be helpful.

Common reasons why people use others include:

Sometimes, using others can be related to a mental health condition such asnarcissistic personality disorder (NPD)orsubstance use disorders.

How Narcissists Use DARVO to Avoid Accountability

The Effects of Someone Using You

It never feels good for someone to take advantage of you. It can make you feel poorly about yourself and take a negative toll on your relationships. It can also make it harder to trust other people in the future.According to Marcum, here are some of the ways that you might be affected if someone has been using you:

Impact on Mental Health

Being taken advantage of can lead to significant mental health problems, especially if you have been used or harmed in a previous relationship. It can manifest symptoms associated with anxiety,depression, and trauma. Over time, you may have difficulty trusting others and forming new relationships.

Impact on Relationships

Meghan Marcum, PsyDBeing used is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. It means one person is taking excessively while the other is making all the sacrifices.

Meghan Marcum, PsyD

Being used is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. It means one person is taking excessively while the other is making all the sacrifices.

It disrupts thepower balancewithin the relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners would be responsible for providing support, trust, and emotional security to their partner.

Strategies to Avoid Being Used

Marcum lists some steps you can take to avoid being used:

Ask a Therapist: How Do I Set Boundaries With My Mother?

Takeaways

Being used is not a good feeling and it can lead to mental health difficulties as well as relationship-related issues. Identifying the signs that someone is using you,setting boundarieswith them, and seeking help from loved ones or a mental health professional can help you process how you feel about being used and in turn, work to help prevent it.

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.di Giacomo E, Andreini E, Lorusso O, Clerici M.The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder.Front Psychiatry. 2023;14:1074558. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1074558Crocker J, Canevello A, Brown AA.Social motivation: costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness.Annu Rev Psychol. 2017;68(1):299-325. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044145Piedmont Healthcare.Setting healthy boundaries in your life.

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.di Giacomo E, Andreini E, Lorusso O, Clerici M.The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder.Front Psychiatry. 2023;14:1074558. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1074558Crocker J, Canevello A, Brown AA.Social motivation: costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness.Annu Rev Psychol. 2017;68(1):299-325. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044145Piedmont Healthcare.Setting healthy boundaries in your life.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

di Giacomo E, Andreini E, Lorusso O, Clerici M.The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder.Front Psychiatry. 2023;14:1074558. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1074558Crocker J, Canevello A, Brown AA.Social motivation: costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness.Annu Rev Psychol. 2017;68(1):299-325. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044145Piedmont Healthcare.Setting healthy boundaries in your life.

di Giacomo E, Andreini E, Lorusso O, Clerici M.The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder.Front Psychiatry. 2023;14:1074558. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1074558

Crocker J, Canevello A, Brown AA.Social motivation: costs and benefits of selfishness and otherishness.Annu Rev Psychol. 2017;68(1):299-325. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010416-044145

Piedmont Healthcare.Setting healthy boundaries in your life.

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?