Should I Tell My Therapist Everything?

Sometimes we can be unsure of what we should tell our therapist. Read on to learn if you should tell your therapist everything.

January 17, 2025 · 8 min · 1592 words · Diane Wells

Table of Contents

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsShould I Tell My Therapist Everything?Reasons Why You Can’t Open UpConfidentialityWhat to Do If You Don’t Trust Your TherapistFinding a New Therapist

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Should I Tell My Therapist Everything?

Reasons Why You Can’t Open Up

Confidentiality

What to Do If You Don’t Trust Your Therapist

Finding a New Therapist

Close

Going totherapyis no easy feat. It takes courage to be willing to share your deepest feelings with amental health professional.

In therapy, it is completely normal to experience fears of judgment or hesitation to share intimate details of your life. In turn, you may feel uneasy at the thought of telling your therapist everything or may wonder how much information is too much information.

This article will explain if you should tell your therapist everything and why.

How to Choose the Best Type of Therapy For You

In short, yes, you should tell your therapist everything. Transparency in therapy can support you in meeting your clinical goals and, ultimately, feeling better. After all, therapy is a large investment ofmoneyand time, so you want to get the most out of it that you possibly can.

Verywell Mind’s2022 surveyfound that the average cost of a therapy session is $178.So, if you’re investing money into therapy, it’s best to be open and honest; that way, you can get a treatment plan that’s tailored to your specific needs.

Basically, if you keep things from your therapist, especially the big emotional things that might have brought you to therapy in the first place, they can’t give you all the support that you need and deserve.

Despite the Benefits of Being Honest, Many Clients Lie to Their Therapist

However, a lie about agreeing with the therapist or stating the therapy feels effective when it actually doesn’t isn’t useful in furthering the progress of therapy. Instead, being honest about how you feel in therapy can help the therapist provide you with the best care possible.

Research indicates that the relationship between the client and therapist is incredibly important when it comes to achieving therapeutic goals.Therefore, lying in a way that will affect that relationship undermines all the work you and your therapist are doing together.

A strong relationship with a client can often lead to great breakthroughs in the therapy room. However, when a client isn’t honest with a therapist, it is hard to build an authentic relationship with one another. In turn, the therapist may not be providing the most effectivetreatmentbecause they are not receiving honest feedback.

Think About Why You May Be Hesitant to Open Up to Your Therapist

If you’ve lied in therapy or realized you didn’t tell the whole truth, it’s important to consider why you lied or why you feel reluctant to be vulnerable.

Consider Your Feelings

Simply stating you should tell your therapist everything may not be enough to sway you towards doing so immediately. However, thinking about the reasons that cause you to lie or not open up can be helpful.

Are you holding back because you feel:

Remember that all of your emotions are valid and it can be healthy for you to share them with your therapist.

What If I Do Feel Shamed or Judged?

What Your Therapist’s Scope of Practice Means for You

Understanding the Limits to Confidentiality

If you’re nervous about sharing everything with your therapist, it could be helpful to remember that nearly everything you say to your therapist will be kept private and not shared with anyone else.

However, while therapists are required to keep your personal matters confidential, it is important to remember that therearetimes when your therapist must break confidentiality for legal and ethical reasons and tell a third party about content shared in your session.

Let’s take a look at when a therapist might do this.

Reasons That a Therapist Breaks Confidentiality

A therapist will break confidentiality only under emergency circumstances, such as the following:

What If You’ve Been a Victim of Previous Abuse?

If you disclose that you have personally experienced abuse in the past, a therapist will typically not be required to report that information.However, ask your therapist about confidentiality so you have a better understanding of what may be reported.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

It can feel uncomfortable to be fully transparent with a therapist if you don’t trust them. Feelingdistrustin the therapeutic relationship can stem from multiple sources.

Perhaps they had a reaction to a deeply intimate issue you expressed that felt harmful. Maybe they come from adifferent cultural backgroundand you feel they can’t understand your experience. Or it could be thattrustis already challenging for you, and you’re not ready to let your therapist in.

Letting your therapist know how you’re feeling can be very helpful in discerning if you and your provider are a good match. Sometimes we are grappling with our own challenges around trust, which a therapist can help you through if you’re honest with them.

Other times, it’s possible that you and your therapist are simply not the right fit.

Remember that therapists are trained mental health professionals. They are there to help you sort through the uncomfortable stuff, even if that means supporting you in your choice to work with another provider.

How to Find a New Therapist

If you find yourself realizing that you cannot be candid with your therapist because it isn’t a good match, you may be wonderinghow you can find a new therapist.

First, take a moment to pause and honor how important it is that you are prioritizing your needs. Taking charge of your care and advocating for yourself to receive the best support possible is a huge step.

To start your search for a new therapist, you can:

Notice how you feel talking to a therapist in your initial consultation call (which most therapists should offer). You may be surprised to find that there is a provider who you instantly feel comfortable with. Then, you can move forward with them if you choose to do so.

Questions to Ask a New Therapist

A Word From Verywell

It can take time to find a therapist that is a good fit and get comfortable in the therapeutic relationship. While navigating yourhealingjourney, honesty with yourself and your therapist is key.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verywell Mind.Cost of Therapy Survey.Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Couns. Psychol. Q. 2016;29(1):90-112. doi: 10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193Black RSA, Curran D, Dyer KFW.The impact of shame on the therapeutic alliance and intimate relationships: shame, therapeutic alliance, and intimate relationships. JClin Psychol. 2013;69(6):646-654. doi: 10.1002/jclp.21959American Psychological Association.Protecting Your Privacy: Understanding Confidentiality.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Verywell Mind.Cost of Therapy Survey.Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Couns. Psychol. Q. 2016;29(1):90-112. doi: 10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193Black RSA, Curran D, Dyer KFW.The impact of shame on the therapeutic alliance and intimate relationships: shame, therapeutic alliance, and intimate relationships. JClin Psychol. 2013;69(6):646-654. doi: 10.1002/jclp.21959American Psychological Association.Protecting Your Privacy: Understanding Confidentiality.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Verywell Mind.Cost of Therapy Survey.Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Couns. Psychol. Q. 2016;29(1):90-112. doi: 10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193Black RSA, Curran D, Dyer KFW.The impact of shame on the therapeutic alliance and intimate relationships: shame, therapeutic alliance, and intimate relationships. JClin Psychol. 2013;69(6):646-654. doi: 10.1002/jclp.21959American Psychological Association.Protecting Your Privacy: Understanding Confidentiality.

Verywell Mind.Cost of Therapy Survey.

Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Couns. Psychol. Q. 2016;29(1):90-112. doi: 10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365

Norcross JC, Lambert MJ.Psychotherapy relationships that work III.Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193

Black RSA, Curran D, Dyer KFW.The impact of shame on the therapeutic alliance and intimate relationships: shame, therapeutic alliance, and intimate relationships. JClin Psychol. 2013;69(6):646-654. doi: 10.1002/jclp.21959

American Psychological Association.Protecting Your Privacy: Understanding Confidentiality.

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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