Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy We May Feel This Way4 Reasons Why Reuniting Might Be a MistakeSigns of an Unhealthy Relationship
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Why We May Feel This Way
4 Reasons Why Reuniting Might Be a Mistake
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
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Thinking about getting back together with an ex-flame? Let’s pump the brakes before making any big decisions. That partner who dumped you could still be the same person. The reasons you broke up with them may still hold true. Or we may simply be thinking about reconciling for the wrong reasons.
At a GlanceWhile it’s normal to second guess ourselves, mourn over a recent breakup, and even experience some post-breakup depression, it’s important to remember why the relationship ended and examine our intention to reconcile. Getting back together with an ex could be tricky if the trust in your relationship was broken, there were communication issues, and/or a lack of connection aside from the physical. If your ex criticized you, made you feel unseen, heard, or disrespected, and treated you or your conflicts poorly, you may want to think twice about rekindling the relationship.
At a Glance
While it’s normal to second guess ourselves, mourn over a recent breakup, and even experience some post-breakup depression, it’s important to remember why the relationship ended and examine our intention to reconcile. Getting back together with an ex could be tricky if the trust in your relationship was broken, there were communication issues, and/or a lack of connection aside from the physical. If your ex criticized you, made you feel unseen, heard, or disrespected, and treated you or your conflicts poorly, you may want to think twice about rekindling the relationship.
After we experience a relationship breakup, we probably feel disappointed, sad, and inemotional pain.We might even becomedepressed.
As time passes, we likely find ways to get over that person andfinally acceptit wasn’t working. Or we realize both people need to want the relationship.
If your ex cut it off or you ended the relationship, both of you weren’t all in.
Also, If you still find your ex very attractive and believe they’re looking better than ever, that could play into your desire to be with that person.
Couples split up for a reason. Some people confuse missing someone with wanting toget back together. Here are four red flags that tell us rekindling our romance could be a bad idea.
Loss of Trust
Let’s say your ex cheated and you forgave them.Forgivenessallows the person forgiving to move forward. But because you remained suspicious even after the incident and never trusted your ex again, you grew apart. You couldn’t share your own worries or fears; you couldn’t open up and bevulnerablewith them.
Whilecouples can rebuild trust in their relationships, true intimacy needs trust as its foundation. You want to be with a partner who isempathetic, someone you trust who also trusts you.
Problems With Communication
Communication fosters connection. If your ex brushed things under the rug, avoided difficult conversations or became aggressive and yelled, recognize that you deserve a partner who cares about you and communicates respectfully.
While all relationships have disagreements, arguing destructively can ruin relationships.Checking in with each otheron not only mundane, logistical matters, but on deeper matters is healthy in a partnership.
If you or your ex-partner have not become better communicators, these problems can just as easily impact a rekindled relationship.
Confusion Between Lust and Love
If it’s hard to distinguishthe difference between lust and love, just think back a moment: Do your memories of your times together revolve around amazing sex?
While it might seem impossible to define love, it is possible.Lovecan be characterized as a caring, devoted, and deep emotional attachment. Scientists have gone one step further.
Conducting a substantially large intercultural survey in a recent studyacross 25 countries, scientific analysis evidence showed that three key components of love characterize romantic relationships: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
While these elements aren’t always present at the same time or to the same degree in a relationship, psychological research shows these are primary aspects of love.
Are You in Love? Take the Quiz to Find Out If It’s the Real Thing
Lack of Friendship
A good friend accepts us for who we are. They offer affection and trust. Friends enjoy being together. If you didn’t have a friendship with your ex, something important was missing.
According toThe Gottman Institute, friendship is key to the vitality of a long-term relationship. Though the movies usually depict strangers falling in love, according to scientific research revealed in a 2022 study, most couples begin as friends.
Research published in the journalSocial Psychological and Personality Science,comprised of four different studies on relationship initiation, found that two-thirds of people began romantic relationships first as long-term friends. LGBTQ+ participants had even higher rates of friends-first beginnings than those in heterosexual relationships. However, the sample of LGBTQ+ participants was also smaller in these studies.
For those who grew up in dysfunctional families or withdomestic abuse, being with someone who doesn’t treat you right might feel familiar.
Gaslighting, stalking, bullying, not respecting your personal space, and even talking about their previous relationships in a derogatory manner can be warning signs that a partner is abusive.
Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself about your previous relationship. Take a moment to sit down and answer each question truthfully.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If the answer to any question is yes, ask yourself if that person has resolved that problem. Chances are that they didn’t. Identifying an issue is one thing, but if a potential partner has not transformed that issue into a healthy alternative, you may think twice before renewing a relationship.
You deserve to be ina healthy relationshipthat consists of trust, affection, good communication, and intimacy. If you’re not dating anyone or feeling nostalgic for the good times with your ex, take some time for yourself. You might not actually want to get back with your ex. Maybe you’re just feeling lonely.
There are ways to stay inspired after heartbreak. Give yourself compassion, remember ways you can make yourself happy, return to your hobbies and passions, andlook ahead to a wonderful future.
What This Means For YouIf you find you need assistance in coping with a recent breakup, reach out to a mental health professional in person or online. A therapist can help you sort through the ending of a romantic relationship and your feelings about wanting to get back together with someone who hurt you or broke your heart. Qualified therapists can help you cope with difficult emotions and build your resilience.
What This Means For You
If you find you need assistance in coping with a recent breakup, reach out to a mental health professional in person or online. A therapist can help you sort through the ending of a romantic relationship and your feelings about wanting to get back together with someone who hurt you or broke your heart. Qualified therapists can help you cope with difficult emotions and build your resilience.
I Just Broke Up With My Ex: What to Do After a Breakup
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Bruch EE, Newman MEJ.Aspirational pursuit of mates in online dating markets.Sci Adv. 2018;4(8):eaap9815. Published 2018 Aug 8. doi:10.1126/sciadv.aap9815
Sorokowski P, Sorokowska A, Karwowski M, et al.Universality of the Triangular Theory of Love: Adaptation and Psychometric Properties of the Triangular Love Scale in 25 Countries.J Sex Res. 2021;58(1):106-115. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.1787318
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