Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy It’s Important to Say “No” When You Mean ItHow to Reject SomeoneWhen It’s Okay Not to Be NiceHow to Accept Rejection Gracefully

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why It’s Important to Say “No” When You Mean It

How to Reject Someone

When It’s Okay Not to Be Nice

How to Accept Rejection Gracefully

Close

We’ve all been there—someone asks us out but we don’t feel the spark. It could be someone we’re meeting for the first time or someone we’ve been out with before.

Being in this situation can be tricky and super awkward. We’ve all been on the receiving end ofrejection, and it’s pretty much the worst. You don’t want to be cruel and leave the person hanging, but you don’t want to go out with them either.

Rejection in any form can be hurtful, so the way we reject someone should come from a place of honesty and integrity, saysClaudia de Llano, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “The old “It’s not you, it’s me” cliché can leave the person wondering what really happened.”

If you’re wondering how to reject someone kindly, we got you. In this article, we’ll explore strategies that can help you let someone down easily.

At a Glance

We’ve all been there. The awkwardness of saying “no” while trying not to hurt someone’s feelings. The key is to be kind but firm when you turn someone down.

What to say:

What not to do:

Many peoplestruggle to say “no”and set and maintain their boundaries in relationships, platonic or otherwise. Research shows that people generally find it hard to reject someone, even if they don’t want to date them.However, if you’re not feeling it, going out with someone on a pity date benefits no one.

For starters, it’s a waste of everyone’s time and energy. Although you may be humoring the other person to avoid hurting their feelings, they won’t appreciate being led on. Being clear and communicative from the start avoids confusion, preventing misunderstandings and even more hurt feelings down the line.

Besides, pretending to be interested or agreeing to something you don’t want also compromises your integrity. It’s important to be true to yourself and your feelings, and stand up for your needs.

“We need to enforce our own boundaries because the treatment we receive from others starts with how we treat ourselves,” saysSabrina Romanoff,PsyD, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert.

Saying “no” andstanding firm on your boundariesshows respect for yourself and the other person. “It is a clear communication of what you stand for and what you are and are not available for,” says de Llano.

Kindly rejecting someone is easier said than done. Here are some strategies that can help you turn someone down nicely, with kindness and honesty.

If You’re Turning Down a First Date

Turning down a first date is easier if it’s not someone you know very well. You’re not too emotionally invested, so a simple and direct response will suffice. That said, a touch of kindness goes a long way. Try using these tips when turning down a first date:

Turning down a follow-up date can be harder because you’ve spent some time with the person. You’re in the awkward position where they want to pursue the connection but you’re not interested. A tricky situation because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you don’t want to continue seeing them either.

These are some strategies that can help you turn down a follow-up date:

Although it can be tempting toghostsomeone instead of turning them down, saying “no” is better in the long run. It closes the chapter definitively, so both of you are free to move on without any lingering feelings or questions.

Rejection is not only a process that requires tremendous honesty, it requires reading the room. Be thoughtful with your words, showing compassion and empathy.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

Rejection is not only a process that requires tremendous honesty, it requires reading the room. Be thoughtful with your words, showing compassion and empathy.

—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

There’s a fine line between being nice and being a pushover.

Here are some situations where it’s appropriate to not be nice or accommodating and how you should respond instead:

If You’re in Danger

You can call911or contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for help and support from trained professionals.

13 Red Flags in Relationships

Sometimes, the shoe is on the other foot and you’re the one being rejected. Although rejection stings, there are ways to accept it gracefully and move forward. Here are some steps to help you cope:

How to Find the Best Dating App for You

Takeaways

12 Types of Dating and How They Work

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Pazos, L. A., Cash, D. K., & Russell, T. D. (2024).Yes, no, maybe so: The effects of relationship status on perceptions of inferred consent.Journal of Interpersonal Violence,39(13–14), 3110–3134. https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605231225515

Leary, M. R. (2015).Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection.Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience,17(4), 435–441.

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