Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsTypes of Premarital CounselingTechniquesWhat Premarital Counseling Can Help WithBenefits of Premarital CounselingEffectivenessThings to ConsiderHow to Get Started

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Types of Premarital Counseling

Techniques

What Premarital Counseling Can Help With

Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Effectiveness

Things to Consider

How to Get Started

Close

Premarital counseling is a form ofcouples therapythat can help you and your partner prepare formarriage.

It is intended to help you and your partner discuss several important issues, ranging from finances to children so that you are both on the same page. It can also help identify potential conflict areas and equip you and your partner with tools to navigate them successfully. Premarital counseling aims to help you build a strong foundation formarriage.

“Premarital counseling helps couples create a blueprint for their lives together,” saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships.

According to Romanoff, there are different types of couples therapy, and many of them can be universally applied to couples at any stage of their relationship, including premarital counseling.

“Many clinicians will be integrative in their approach to couples therapy and will draw from several therapies, depending on the unique needs of their patients,” says Romanoff.

These are some of thetypes of therapya premarital counselor may use.

Gottman Method

This form of therapy aims to improve the quality of friendship between you and your partner,increase intimacy, and equip you withproblem-solving skillsthat can help you build a stronger relationship.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Psychodynamic Couples Therapy

Psychodynamiccouples therapy examines the underlying issues that motivate interaction cycles. Identifying and addressing factors like your hopes for closeness, love, and appreciation and fears of abandonment and disapproval can help you and your partner better understand and accept each other.

In the initial stages of premarital counseling, you and your partner may beassessed, both individually and together. During the course of the counseling, both of you will be encouraged to share life experiences and events, which can help shed light on your expectations and motivations in a relationship.

Premarital counseling also involves discussing important aspects of a marriage, including “financial planning, roles in the marriage, decision-making processes, family relationships, if children will be in your future, and how you wish to raise them,” says Romanoff.

Assessing You and Your Partner

Premarital counseling often requires you and your partner to fill out a questionnaire separately to determine how you feel about one another and what youexpectfrom your relationship. These questionnaires can help your counselor identify your strengths, weaknesses, areas of compatibility, and potentialproblem areas.

Your counselor will also assess the dynamic between you and your partner during counseling sessions and use those insights to guide the course of the therapy.

Sharing Life Events and Experiences

Premarital counseling can also involve “identifying and exploring significant life events and early childhood experiences, which impact the relationship and how each partner relates to the other,” says Romanoff.

For instance, Romanoff explains that partners often choose each other for reasons that are not fully conscious; it is only with further processing that they may understand how familiar aspects of their partner relate to unresolved conflicts in the past.

Discussing Important Issues

Premarital counseling offers an opportunity to discuss several important aspects of a marriage, including:

When Your Parents Disapprove of Your Marriage

Premarital counseling can help you and your partner prepare formarried lifetogether. Below are some aspects premarital counseling can help with.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDPremarital counseling helps identify core beliefs, set realistic expectations for marriage, plan for the future, and decide the ways in which your lives will be merged.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Premarital counseling helps identify core beliefs, set realistic expectations for marriage, plan for the future, and decide the ways in which your lives will be merged.

Important Advice for Newlywed Couples

Premarital counseling is designed to equip you and your partner with tools to navigate married life together. These are some of the benefits this therapy can offer:

How to Express Your Feelings

The aim of premarital counseling is to improve your relationship with your partner and help you build a strong foundation for marriage.

A 2012 study found that couples who engaged in premarital counseling reported higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship.

Premarital counseling also allows you and your partner to decide important aspects of the relationship before they become an issue.

“Couples tend to seek therapy when they are in crisis and the relationship is constrained. This means that the couple is already polarized, and each partner is defensively posturing, which makes it more difficult to communicate and make progress effectively,” says Romanoff.

While couples therapy can also be helpful if you’re havingmarriage problemsdown the road, premarital counseling can help you discuss important topics for the relationship without being under the immediacy of the problem, according to Romanoff. This can make it easier for you and your partner to work together to solve your issues.

If you take part in premarital counseling, you may find that you also want to see a counselor or therapist separately to deal with the issues you encounter in your joint sessions.

“Couples therapy will often uncover unexpected personal reactions and experiences that have been well buried. Frequently, couples decide to initiate individual therapy to have their own space to process all that it brings up for them,” says Romanoff.

It’s also worth noting that while premarital counseling aims to help strengthen the bond between you and your partner, it could also exposeirreconcilable differencesin your personalities or expectations. For instance, not wanting to have children could be a dealbreaker for one of you.

In that case, you and your partner are probably better off discovering and discussing these issues before you get married.

Premarital counseling requires participation from you and your partner, so both of you should be willing to give it a try. If your partner is reluctant, explain why it’s important to you and what you hope to gain from it.

You can find a premarital counselor through your friends, family, workplace,insurance provider, or religious institution. If you’re seeing a mental health practitioner for other reasons, they may be able to provide a recommendation as well. Local and state mental health agencies also often have resources you can turn to.

You will have to schedule your counseling sessions at a time and place that both you and your partner can attend.

A Word From Verywell

Premarital counseling offers a neutral space for you and your partner to discuss and plan important aspects of your marriage. A counselor can help guide you through these discussions so that they are productive.

Moreover, premarital counseling equips you with tools that can help you and your partner communicate better with each other andresolve conflictsconstructively.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Davoodvandi M, Navabi Nejad S, Farzad V.Examining the effectiveness of gottman couple therapy on improving marital adjustment and couples’ intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.Nielsen AC.Psychodynamic couple therapy: A practical synthesis.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):685-699. doi:10.1111/jmft.12236

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Davoodvandi M, Navabi Nejad S, Farzad V.Examining the effectiveness of gottman couple therapy on improving marital adjustment and couples’ intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.Nielsen AC.Psychodynamic couple therapy: A practical synthesis.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):685-699. doi:10.1111/jmft.12236

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Davoodvandi M, Navabi Nejad S, Farzad V.Examining the effectiveness of gottman couple therapy on improving marital adjustment and couples’ intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.Nielsen AC.Psychodynamic couple therapy: A practical synthesis.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):685-699. doi:10.1111/jmft.12236

Davoodvandi M, Navabi Nejad S, Farzad V.Examining the effectiveness of gottman couple therapy on improving marital adjustment and couples’ intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.

Nielsen AC.Psychodynamic couple therapy: A practical synthesis.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):685-699. doi:10.1111/jmft.12236

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