Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsbackgroundTechniquesWhat the Gottman Method Can Help WithBenefitsEffectivenessWhat to ExpectWhat Are the Three Main Components of Gottman Method Therapy?What Is the Gottman Repair Checklist?Things to ConsiderGetting Started

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

background

Techniques

What the Gottman Method Can Help With

Benefits

Effectiveness

What to Expect

What Are the Three Main Components of Gottman Method Therapy?

What Is the Gottman Repair Checklist?

Things to Consider

Getting Started

Close

The Gottman Method aims “to disarm conflicting verbal communication; increase intimacy, respect, and affection; remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.”

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Gottman Method Background

The Gottman Method is based on decades of research. Over more than 40 years, John Gottman has performed hundreds of empirical studies with over 3,000 couples. During that time, he and his colleague Robert Levenson performed a series of longitudinal studies that found that some marriages end in divorce while others succeed due to the way couples interact.

Married couples' interactions are fairly stable over time, and approximately 69% of problems between partners are never resolved due to differences in couples' personalities.

Of course, every couple argues and has negative interactions. Still, Gottman found that it’s the way couplesnavigate conflictand the emotions they express that will ultimately determine who stays together and who divorces.

First, couples who stay together experience at leastfive positive interactions for every negative interactionduring conflict. In addition, couples who broke up exhibited a high level of behaviors that Gottman refers to as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” which include:

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Gottman Method Techniques

The Sound Relationship House theory is the foundation of theGottman Method. It uses a house as a metaphor for a secure marriage. The theory identifies seven “floors” that a couple can move through to improve their relationship, along with two “weight-bearing walls,” which are essential to holding the couple together.These are as follows:

Clearly, each floor of the Sound Relationship House represents an opportunity for couples to develop new skills that will strengthen their relationship. Gottman therapists use this theory to drive their work with couples.

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Based on his research, John Gottman maintains that even though couples feel their individual relationships are unique, marital conflicts fall into just two categories: resolvable conflicts and perpetual conflicts.Since a majority of conflicts are perpetual, the Gottman Method specifically centers on helping couples work on learning to live with this kind of conflict.

Given The Gottman Method takes this as its focus, it can help with a wide array ofrelationship issues, from frequent arguing to infidelity and emotional distance, which may seem unique but at their core are often the result of perpetual conflicts.

The Gottman Method can even help couples who don’t feel their level of conflict is problematic but are looking to understand their relationship better.The therapy is designed to help people at any stage of their relationship and regardless of race, class, or cultural identity. Research has shown it is also effective for same-sex couples.

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Benefits of the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is unique in its focus on perpetual versus resolvable conflicts. Understanding this difference is part of how this form of therapy can help couples positively change their relationship. By learning new ways to deal with perpetual conflicts, couples can replace negative conflict patterns with healthier ones.

Moreover, learning these steps will help couples in the long term. Even after therapy, they can continue to apply these skills and techniques, preventing them from falling back into their former negative patterns.

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Gottman Method Effectiveness

Studies have demonstrated that the Gottman Method is highly effective. In addition to seeing an individual therapist, the Gottman Institute also offers workshops and retreats.

Similarly, a study on Gottman Method couples therapy found that after 10 sessions, it was an effective treatment for improving married couples' relationships, compatibility, and intimacy.

What to Expect With the Gottman Method

Couples therapy using the Gottman Method starts with an assessment, which begins with a joint session between the couple and the therapist.

The therapist speaks with each member of the couple individually. In addition, couples may complete questionnaires developed as part of the Gottman Method. Together, this will enable the therapist to form a thorough picture of the relationship that they can then use to provide feedback to the couple on the stability of their partnership and decide on the interventions that will be most valuable to the couple.

What Are the Three Main Components of Gottman Method Therapy?Gottman Method interventions are designed to improve three primary areas of a relationship:FriendshipAbility to manage conflictCreating shared goalsAs a result, in therapy, couples will learn to improve interactions to move from negative to positive and deepen emotional connection

Gottman Method interventions are designed to improve three primary areas of a relationship:FriendshipAbility to manage conflictCreating shared goalsAs a result, in therapy, couples will learn to improve interactions to move from negative to positive and deepen emotional connection

Gottman Method interventions are designed to improve three primary areas of a relationship:

As a result, in therapy, couples will learn to improve interactions to move from negative to positive and deepen emotional connection

Gottman Method therapists don’t just focus on improving skills within the relationship but also use the research on which the therapy is based to educate couples about the components ofhealthy relationships. This gives couples increased insight into their relationship dynamics and tools for maintaining their relationship in the long term.

What Is the Gottman Repair Checklist?The repair checklist is a list of phrases that you can use during certain situations that can help you better express how you’re feeling, apologize more effectively, let your partner know you appreciate them, and more.

The repair checklist is a list of phrases that you can use during certain situations that can help you better express how you’re feeling, apologize more effectively, let your partner know you appreciate them, and more.

One of the key things to consider before deciding to see a Gottman therapist is your commitment to working on your relationship. The Gottman Method can be rigorous and intense, and therapists expect couples to continue to use the skills they learn in therapy outside of sessions. As a result, those who aren’t prepared to focus on improving their relationship in this way may not benefit from the Gottman Method.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

How To Get Started With the Gottman Method

If couples therapy seems like too big a commitment, the Gottman Institute currently offers atwo-day workshop,two-day couples retreats,webinars, and aself-paced online coaching program.Workshops and retreats can be completed in-person and online, giving couples extra flexibility. These options will get you started with the Gottman Method and may even be all you need, depending on the level of help you’re seeking.

The Gottman Institute offers adirectory of Gottman-certified couples therapistsfor those who want to do couples therapy. In addition to being licensed therapists with an MA or PhD, Gottman therapists have undergone additional training through the Gottman Institute and attained certification in this particular method of couples therapy. In addition to in-person sessions, many Gottman-trained couples therapists are also available foronline sessions.

9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Research Overview.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Gottman JM.What Predicts Divorce?. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum; 1994.What is The Sound Relationship House?.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Gottman JM.The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishing Group; 2002.Garanzini S, Yee A, Gottman J et al.Results of Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Gay and Lesbian Couples.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):674-684. doi:10.1111/jmft.12276The Gottman Institute.The Empirical Basis For Gottman Method Therapy.2013.Davoodvandi M, Nejad SN, Farzad V.Examining the Effectiveness of Gottman Couple Therapy on Improving Marital Adjustment and Couples' Intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Research Overview.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Gottman JM.What Predicts Divorce?. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum; 1994.What is The Sound Relationship House?.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Gottman JM.The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishing Group; 2002.Garanzini S, Yee A, Gottman J et al.Results of Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Gay and Lesbian Couples.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):674-684. doi:10.1111/jmft.12276The Gottman Institute.The Empirical Basis For Gottman Method Therapy.2013.Davoodvandi M, Nejad SN, Farzad V.Examining the Effectiveness of Gottman Couple Therapy on Improving Marital Adjustment and Couples' Intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Research Overview.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Gottman JM.What Predicts Divorce?. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum; 1994.What is The Sound Relationship House?.The Gottman Institute. 2021.Gottman JM.The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishing Group; 2002.Garanzini S, Yee A, Gottman J et al.Results of Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Gay and Lesbian Couples.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):674-684. doi:10.1111/jmft.12276The Gottman Institute.The Empirical Basis For Gottman Method Therapy.2013.Davoodvandi M, Nejad SN, Farzad V.Examining the Effectiveness of Gottman Couple Therapy on Improving Marital Adjustment and Couples' Intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.

About The Gottman Method.The Gottman Institute. 2021.

Research Overview.The Gottman Institute. 2021.

Gottman JM.What Predicts Divorce?. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum; 1994.

What is The Sound Relationship House?.The Gottman Institute. 2021.

Gottman JM.The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishing Group; 2002.

Garanzini S, Yee A, Gottman J et al.Results of Gottman Method Couples Therapy with Gay and Lesbian Couples.J Marital Fam Ther. 2017;43(4):674-684. doi:10.1111/jmft.12276

The Gottman Institute.The Empirical Basis For Gottman Method Therapy.2013.

Davoodvandi M, Nejad SN, Farzad V.Examining the Effectiveness of Gottman Couple Therapy on Improving Marital Adjustment and Couples' Intimacy.Iran J Psychiatry. 2018;13(2):135-141.

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