Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCauses of ResentmentSigns of ResentmentAre There Any Benefits of Resentment?Why Resentment Is ToxicTips and Strategies
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Causes of Resentment
Signs of Resentment
Are There Any Benefits of Resentment?
Why Resentment Is Toxic
Tips and Strategies
Close
It’s normal to feelresentment, which involves feelings of anger or bitterness, over a slight injustice or a major incident. Continuing to hold onto these feelings, however, can have negative consequences for your physical and mental health.
This article will discuss the causes of resentment, signs to look for and feelings that are common with resentment, information on its benefits and why resentment is especiallytoxicin a relationship, as well as good strategies to help you manage your feelings of resentment.
A variety of things can cause this complex emotion. Resentment happens when you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of, have been mistreated, or aren’t being heard. It’s often defined as a feeling of indignation. Unfortunately, resentment can unleash other destructive thoughts and emotions. Resentment can ultimately poison relationships if left unchecked.
Common sources of resentment that lead to this intense emotion:
In romantic relationships, especially long-term ones, one partner might resent the other because of an imbalance in power or work load. For example, it’s not uncommon for a wife or woman in a heterosexual relationship to feel like she has to work a job, take care of most of the housework, and oversee childcare and household labor while her partner focuses only on work.
Resentment in an intimate romantic relationship might flourish when one person always initiates sex and the other never does. Or in a case common to seniors, when one person faces medical challenges and their significant other steps up to be their caregiver. The caregiver might grow resentful as their own needs go unmet and that can create tension in the relationship.
Scientific researchexplored the effect of tension on the well-being of marriages across the marriages’ first 16 years. Investigators defined tension as feelings of irritation, resentment and disappointment about the relationship.
As tension plays a significant role on the well-being of the marriage, interventions designed to improve marital well-being should asses both partners’ tension levels and how they handle tension to determine the couples’ relationship functioning.
It’s tricky to recognize signs of resentment. That’s because it’s a multi-layered emotion that may combine myriad feelings at the same time. Overall, a resentful person feels like they’ve been wronged. They may:
Feelings that contribute to or may indicate resentment include:
Although it might seem counterintuitive, the person who feels resentful has some advantages. Here are some not-so-obvious ways it might actually feel better to harbor feelings of resentment than address them.
Resentment can help you:
Despite the above, it’s important to remember that continuing to harbor resentment can ultimately harm your relationships if not addressed through healthy communication. It’s not a productive way to handle conflict and move forward within a relationship.
Why Is Resentment Toxic in a Relationship?
If you holdgrudgesor stew about something, a high level of anger can take a toll on your mental health. Without effective communication or problem solving with the other person, you can get stuck in feelings of ill-will.
Persistent resentment in a relationship will naturally create a wedge between you and the other person. If you try to discuss the matter and your partnerstonewalls, you might close up all over again. That can lead to feelings of isolation, withdrawal, and disconnection. It might even spell the end of the relationship completely.
Without the opportunity to open up to someone like a friend or family member, or reach out to a trusted psychologist about your feelings, the situation will likely worsen. You’ll then have no way to vent, to gain an opportunity for perspective or to heal.
Strategies to Help You Manage Resentment
If you’re still angry, look intoanger management therapy. There are multiple approaches to dealing with your anger. These approaches can help you reduce anger-inducing situations, improve your self-control, and teach you how to cope in a healthier way.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)is the go-to treatment for anger management. As anger is such a debilitating psychological problem, researchers reviewed existing meta-analyses about the psychosocial interventions for anger. In this study,CBT treatment was the most popular intervention due to its effectiveness and the fact it worked in non-clinical and psychiatric populations.
You can overcome resentment and repair frayed relationships. If you’re still struggling, seek couples counseling orrelationship counseling.Nowadays, you can opt for traditional in-person therapy or choose to work with one of the many practitioners offering online therapy.
3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Manalel JA, Birditt KS, Orbuch TL, Antonucci TC.Beyond destructive conflict: Implications of marital tension for marital well-being.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(5):597-606. doi:10.1037/fam0000512Xiang Y, Chao X, Ye Y.Effect of Gratitude on Benign and Malicious Envy: The Mediating Role of Social Support.Front Psychiatry. 2018;9:139. Published 2018 May 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00139Lee AH, DiGiuseppe R. Anger and aggression treatments: a review of meta-analyses.Curr Opin Psychol. 2018;19:65-74. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.04.004
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Manalel JA, Birditt KS, Orbuch TL, Antonucci TC.Beyond destructive conflict: Implications of marital tension for marital well-being.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(5):597-606. doi:10.1037/fam0000512Xiang Y, Chao X, Ye Y.Effect of Gratitude on Benign and Malicious Envy: The Mediating Role of Social Support.Front Psychiatry. 2018;9:139. Published 2018 May 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00139Lee AH, DiGiuseppe R. Anger and aggression treatments: a review of meta-analyses.Curr Opin Psychol. 2018;19:65-74. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.04.004
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Manalel JA, Birditt KS, Orbuch TL, Antonucci TC.Beyond destructive conflict: Implications of marital tension for marital well-being.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(5):597-606. doi:10.1037/fam0000512Xiang Y, Chao X, Ye Y.Effect of Gratitude on Benign and Malicious Envy: The Mediating Role of Social Support.Front Psychiatry. 2018;9:139. Published 2018 May 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00139Lee AH, DiGiuseppe R. Anger and aggression treatments: a review of meta-analyses.Curr Opin Psychol. 2018;19:65-74. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.04.004
Manalel JA, Birditt KS, Orbuch TL, Antonucci TC.Beyond destructive conflict: Implications of marital tension for marital well-being.J Fam Psychol. 2019;33(5):597-606. doi:10.1037/fam0000512
Xiang Y, Chao X, Ye Y.Effect of Gratitude on Benign and Malicious Envy: The Mediating Role of Social Support.Front Psychiatry. 2018;9:139. Published 2018 May 7. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00139
Lee AH, DiGiuseppe R. Anger and aggression treatments: a review of meta-analyses.Curr Opin Psychol. 2018;19:65-74. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.04.004
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