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Mental Health HomepageConditions LibraryConditions CategoryConditions CategoryOvercoming Divorce Depression: Getting By Post-Divorce
Table of Contents:OverviewLife During and After the DivorceThe mental health impact during your divorceThe mental health impact after your divorceSigns of Divorce Depression15 Tips for Overcoming Divorce DepressionWhen It’s Time to Seek Help
DepressionRead Time: 9 Minutes
Published On: October 8, 2021
Reviewed On: October 8, 2021
Updated On: November 2, 2023
OverviewLife after divorce can be hard, regardless of how badly you may have wanted out of your marriage. Even if you know that your separation is ultimately a positive thing, you’re still grieving a loss and divorce recovery can be difficult. And it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s really the only way that you’re going to be able to learn how to cope with divorce and overcome the loss.Understanding first and foremost that divorce can be incredibly painful and difficult on your mental health is essential. Divorce-related depression is real, and the challenges that you’ll likely face can feel almost impossible to deal with during the divorce process.But the truth is, there are several ways you can survive life after your divorce. Divorce counseling is an excellent option if you find that you’re experiencing post-divorce depression and you’re struggling with being able to move on. Read on to learn how you can overcome your own divorce depression.
Overview
Life after divorce can be hard, regardless of how badly you may have wanted out of your marriage. Even if you know that your separation is ultimately a positive thing, you’re still grieving a loss and divorce recovery can be difficult. And it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s really the only way that you’re going to be able to learn how to cope with divorce and overcome the loss.
Understanding first and foremost that divorce can be incredibly painful and difficult on your mental health is essential. Divorce-related depression is real, and the challenges that you’ll likely face can feel almost impossible to deal with during the divorce process.
But the truth is, there are several ways you can survive life after your divorce. Divorce counseling is an excellent option if you find that you’re experiencing post-divorce depression and you’re struggling with being able to move on. Read on to learn how you can overcome your own divorce depression.
Life During and After the DivorceLife during and after divorce can feel overwhelming. Be patient with yourself because what you’re experiencing is a deep loss. The grief that comes after any loss is an emotional challenge that can be hard to navigate on your own.During your divorce or divorce recovery, you may feel like you’re unsure of yourself. You might question if you’re making the right decision. You may be stressed about finances, wondering if you’ll find love again, figuring out how to help yourchild deal with divorce, and more.Many people going through a divorce even have feelings of guilt or shame. They often feel that it’stheirfault they couldn’t make their marriage work. You may find that you’re angry or that you’re resentful toward your spouse.The single most important thing you can remind yourself while you’re going through a divorce is that all of your feelings are valid. And more importantly, they’re allverynormal.
Life During and After the Divorce
Life during and after divorce can feel overwhelming. Be patient with yourself because what you’re experiencing is a deep loss. The grief that comes after any loss is an emotional challenge that can be hard to navigate on your own.
During your divorce or divorce recovery, you may feel like you’re unsure of yourself. You might question if you’re making the right decision. You may be stressed about finances, wondering if you’ll find love again, figuring out how to help yourchild deal with divorce, and more.
Many people going through a divorce even have feelings of guilt or shame. They often feel that it’stheirfault they couldn’t make their marriage work. You may find that you’re angry or that you’re resentful toward your spouse.
The single most important thing you can remind yourself while you’re going through a divorce is that all of your feelings are valid. And more importantly, they’re allverynormal.
The mental health impact during your divorceDivorce can impact your mental health in a number of ways. During the process, you may find that you’re:More tired than normalUnable to sleepExperiencing a change in your eating habits— eating too much or not enoughProne to be more reactionaryAngrySadEmotionalNumb
The mental health impact during your divorce
Divorce can impact your mental health in a number of ways. During the process, you may find that you’re:
The mental health impact after your divorceYou might expect that once your divorce is final, you’ll suddenly feel better. You may think that you’ll feel like you have a new lease on life, or a huge weight has lifted. But in reality, many people experience post-divorce depression that’s just as burdensome, if not more so, as what they were feelingduringthe divorce process.You may even find that you have similar depressive symptoms (sleep difficulties, food issues, strong emotions, etc.) after your divorce is finalized.
The mental health impact after your divorce
You might expect that once your divorce is final, you’ll suddenly feel better. You may think that you’ll feel like you have a new lease on life, or a huge weight has lifted. But in reality, many people experience post-divorce depression that’s just as burdensome, if not more so, as what they were feelingduringthe divorce process.
You may even find that you have similar depressive symptoms (sleep difficulties, food issues, strong emotions, etc.) after your divorce is finalized.
Expert Insight
PhD, Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)Amy Cirbus
Signs of Divorce DepressionThere are many signs of divorce depression to be aware of. It goes beyond just being sad.Depressionis a serious medical condition that can have a huge impact on how you think, act, and feel. Symptoms of divorce-related depression can include any, or a combination of, the following:Sudden loss of interest in things you once enjoyedLoss of appetiteIncrease in appetiteWeight loss or gainDifficulty sleepingExcessive irritabilityRageSudden insomniaIncreased fatigueDifficulty focusing or concentratingDifficulty making decisionsCrying spells (often uncontrollable)Feelings of hopelessnessFeelings of pessimismFeelings of guiltSubstance abuseLoss of your sense of self-worthThoughts of suicideIn extreme cases, suicide attemptsSymptoms of depression can vary from mild to extremely severe. They can also present very differently in men versus women. For example, women tend to have symptoms like sadness, feelings of worthlessness, or guilt. Men, on the other hand, may become overly irritable or have difficulty sleeping. Men also are more likely than women to begin abusing drugs or alcohol to cope if they’re experiencing depression after divorce.To be diagnosed with depression, you generally must be exhibiting five or more symptoms. However, the best way to get a diagnosis and help is to see a therapist or other mental health care provider. There are many different options for treatment, including both in-person andonline therapy.
Signs of Divorce Depression
There are many signs of divorce depression to be aware of. It goes beyond just being sad.Depressionis a serious medical condition that can have a huge impact on how you think, act, and feel. Symptoms of divorce-related depression can include any, or a combination of, the following:
Symptoms of depression can vary from mild to extremely severe. They can also present very differently in men versus women. For example, women tend to have symptoms like sadness, feelings of worthlessness, or guilt. Men, on the other hand, may become overly irritable or have difficulty sleeping. Men also are more likely than women to begin abusing drugs or alcohol to cope if they’re experiencing depression after divorce.
To be diagnosed with depression, you generally must be exhibiting five or more symptoms. However, the best way to get a diagnosis and help is to see a therapist or other mental health care provider. There are many different options for treatment, including both in-person andonline therapy.
15 Tips for Overcoming Divorce DepressionAlthough it’s very common to experience depression after a divorce, you should take comfort in knowing that there is hope. There are several ways you can focus on overcoming your depression.Get (professional) help if you need it— Yes, it’s true that depression after divorce is quite normal. But if it’s beginning to interfere with how you function in your day-to-day life, it might be time to start thinking about getting help.Allow yourself time and space to grieve— Remember, your divorce is a loss and you are allowed to grieve it. Give yourself the time you need to go through the emotional stages of your divorce so you can effectively heal and move on with your life in a healthy manner.Don’t beat yourself up if you are feeling depressed— Be kind to yourself. If you’re feeling depressed, sad, angry, or overwhelmed…remind yourself that this is normal. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without any sort of guilt or shame.Get plenty of exercise— Exercise releases endorphins that can help stabilize your mood, energize you, and offer a wealth of other benefits. You may find you sleep better and feel better, and the best part is the effects of exercise may even be long-lasting, according to somestudies.Focus on your health and what you eat— Eating a healthy diet can help with depression. When you’re eating nutrient-filled foods like fruits, leafy green vegetables, minimally processed foods, and foods high in omegas, you’ll start tofeel the benefitsin a very short time period.Socialize (even if you have to force yourself)— Even if it feels like a chore, getting out of the house and being social will be good for you. Ask a friend to meet you for coffee or go for a walk. Slowly but surely, the inclination to isolate yourself will begin to dissipate. “It’s easy to isolate yourself during this time. Perhaps you’ve lost friends to your ex, or you resist socializing because you don’t feel you’re good company. For so many reasons, many people isolate themselves. This can contribute to ongoing depression. While you don’t have to push yourself to be as social as you’ve been in the past, it is important to connect to others. Find one or two people you trust and with whom you feel good when you’re around them. Schedule time with them once or twice a month. This really does help the healing process. It gives you something to look forward to, and creates opportunities to laugh, enjoy, and focus on other things,” Cirbus PhD, LMHC said.Get enough sleep— Depressed or not, getting enough sleep is essential for a healthy mental attitude and outlook. If you find that you’re having trouble sleeping, try to set a schedule and stick with it. Going to bed and getting up at the same time (or relatively close to the same times) can help you break unhealthy sleep patterns, andthatcan help you feel better.Accept help— It can be hard, but accepting help when it’s offered can feel good. Not only are you alleviating some of the stress you may be feeling if you’re overwhelmed, but it’s always a good feeling to know that you’re loved, and people want to be with you.Create a time and space for “me time”— Carving out time for yourself is one of the best things you can do any time you’re grieving a loss, including your divorce. Self-love can offer the ultimate form of healing. Find something you love doing, and give that gift to yourself. It can be yoga, journaling, going for a run, gardening, reading a book…anything that you get joy from, make time to do it.Keep a journal— Journaling is a well-known way to refocus your thoughts, find gratitude, and begin to start finding the good things in life again. If you have trouble getting started, you may want to find a journal with prompts that help you.Be careful about the rebound— You might be tempted to get into another relationship quickly, especially if you find that you don’t like being alone. But rebound relationships can be harmful if you’re not careful. Take your time and learn to enjoy being on your own so when you do find the right person, you can have a real chance at it lasting.Remind yourself that you have a future— It can be difficult to see now, but you do have a future. As they say, this too shall pass. And that’s true even if you’re going through or just recovering from a painful divorce.Find somewhere to volunteer— Volunteering is a great way to keep your mind off your divorce. It can be a distraction that does double duty, as it’s also extremely rewarding.Accept what you cannot control— One of the great things you might gain from your divorce is perspective. You might learn that worrying about things you can’t control does you no good. Try to focus on the things you can control and make real changes in your life where you can. Stuck? Ask yourself a very simple question: can I control this? If the answer is no, gently tell yourself to move on.Keep an eye on alcohol and drug consumption— Overindulging on occasion isn’t necessarily a problem. But while having a good time every so often generally isn’t an issue, be sure that you’re not using it as a way to cope.
15 Tips for Overcoming Divorce Depression
Although it’s very common to experience depression after a divorce, you should take comfort in knowing that there is hope. There are several ways you can focus on overcoming your depression.
When It’s Time to Seek HelpIn the midst of a divorce, it can be difficult to differentiate between sadness and depression. If you aren’t sure how to tell, start with ourdepression testto learn more.However, if your depression is affecting your daily life or if you’re starting to have thoughts of suicide or self-harm, it’s time for you to get help. Reaching out to a therapist or someone else who’s removed from the situation can be beneficial. Especially if you are having feelings of shame or guilt, a mental health professional or licensed therapist can be particularly helpful.Common recommendations your doctor or therapist may suggest for overcoming your divorce depression can include:Anti-anxiety medicationAntidepressant medicationsPsychotherapy (talk therapy)Relaxation techniquesAcupuncture or massage therapyThe important thing to remember is that if you need help with divorce depression, it’s there for you. You can heal from your divorce. If you need help, connect with a licensed therapist from Talkspace today.
When It’s Time to Seek Help
In the midst of a divorce, it can be difficult to differentiate between sadness and depression. If you aren’t sure how to tell, start with ourdepression testto learn more.
However, if your depression is affecting your daily life or if you’re starting to have thoughts of suicide or self-harm, it’s time for you to get help. Reaching out to a therapist or someone else who’s removed from the situation can be beneficial. Especially if you are having feelings of shame or guilt, a mental health professional or licensed therapist can be particularly helpful.
Common recommendations your doctor or therapist may suggest for overcoming your divorce depression can include:
The important thing to remember is that if you need help with divorce depression, it’s there for you. You can heal from your divorce. If you need help, connect with a licensed therapist from Talkspace today.
See ReferencesWhat Is Depression?American Psychiatric Association. Published 2020. Accessed September 3, 2021.The Benefits of Exercise for the Clinically DepressedCraft, Lynette L., and Frank M. Perna. Primary care companion to the Journal of clinical psychiatry vol. 6,3 (2004): 104-111. doi:10.4088/pcc.v06n0301. Accessed September 3, 2021.Changing Your Diet Can Help Tamp Down Depression, Boost MoodAllison Aubrey, Rhitu Chatterjee. Npr.org. Published 2019. Accessed September 4, 2021.
See References
American Psychiatric Association. Published 2020. Accessed September 3, 2021.
Craft, Lynette L., and Frank M. Perna. Primary care companion to the Journal of clinical psychiatry vol. 6,3 (2004): 104-111. doi:10.4088/pcc.v06n0301. Accessed September 3, 2021.
Allison Aubrey, Rhitu Chatterjee. Npr.org. Published 2019. Accessed September 4, 2021.
Ashley ErtelAshley Ertel, LCSW, is a Nationally Board Certified Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She has over a decade of experience specializing in trauma and depression, working primarily with first responders, military personnel, and veterans, and sexual assault survivors.
Ashley Ertel, LCSW, is a Nationally Board Certified Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She has over a decade of experience specializing in trauma and depression, working primarily with first responders, military personnel, and veterans, and sexual assault survivors.
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