The termgaslightingoriginates from a 1938 play titledGas Light. The play was laster adapted into a film of the same name in 1944. The play, and subsequent adaptations, follows the story of a husband whomanipulateshis wife into believing she is losing her mind in order to control her and gain access to her inheritance.
a dim gaslight
Although the play did not coin the word “gaslighting” directly, the term has since gained significant prominence in psychology and discourse.
Gaslighting is now used to describe a type of psychological manipulation in which one person seeks to make another person doubt their own reality, memory, or perceptions.
It is often used to describe situations where someone is trying to undermine another person’s confidence in their understanding of events or the world around them.
Where does the term gaslighting come from?
As described above, the term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 play titled “Gas Light.”
The term “gaslighting” has since entered the realm of psychology and everyday language to describe a type of psychological manipulation in which one person seeks to undermine another person’s confidence in their understanding of events or their surroundings, often as a means of control or manipulation.
Gaslighting Today
In her book, Stern delves into the concept of theGaslight Effect, which refers to a dynamic that can occur between two individuals in a relationship through mutual participation. This dynamic involves one person subtly manipulating or distorting the other person’s perception of reality.
Stern writes, “the gaslightee holds the key to her own prison” and outlines warning signs of gaslighting and how to deal with it.
Stern’s book emphasizes that the Gaslight Effect isn’t solely about one person intentionally manipulating the other; rather, it can emerge from a more subtle and complex interplay within a relationship.
This concept has been influential in discussions surrounding emotional manipulation, power dynamics, and communication patterns in relationships.
The term’s usage has evolved beyond its theatrical origins to encompass a broader understanding of psychological manipulation and control in various contexts.
For example, it can be applied tohealthcare and mental healthcare settings, the workplace, or politics.
Signs of gaslighting in romantic relationships
Gaslighting in romantic relationships can be subtle and insidious. It is a common feature of emotionally abusive and controlling relationships, where the perpetrator seeks to manipulate and control their partner.
Here are some signs ofgaslighting in a romantic relationship:
Love Bombing
Love bombingis a term used to describe a manipulative tactic in which one person overwhelms another with excessive displays of affection, attention, and flattery in the early stages of a relationship. It often includes lavish gifts and exaggerated declarations of love.
The purpose of love bombing is to create a strong emotional bond quickly and to gain control or influence over the target person.
Love bombing can be emotionally and psychologically damaging, as it creates an unrealistic and unhealthy foundation for a relationship. Once the target becomes emotionally invested, the love bomber might start to withdraw attention, become emotionally distant, or even engage in abusive behaviors.
This can leave the target confused and hurt. The victim might discount the behaviors as “one-offs” and become dependent on the perpetrator to provide the “high” they initially experienced.
Love bombing is usually associated with narcissistic individuals or those with manipulative tendencies. It is often the first stage of the perpetrator’s attempts to isolate their victim.
Isolating
By cutting off the target’s interactions with friends and family, the manipulator limits exposure to external perspectives and opinions, making it easier for them to shape their target’s beliefs, thoughts, and views.
Additionally, isolation can create a situation where the target becomes more reliant on the manipulator for emotional support, companionship, and validation.
The manipulator becomes the primary source of interaction and connection, leading the target to seek approval and affirmation solely from them.
Isolation can manifest as discouraging the target from spending time with friends or family, spreading negative rumors about them, creating conflicts between the target and their social circle, or making the target feel guilty for wanting to be with others.
Denying Reality
Denying reality is another key component of gaslighting. Gaslighters will often flat-out deny things they’ve said or done, even if there’s evidence to the contrary. They might say things like, “That never happened,” “I never said that,” or “You’re imagining things.”
They may twist the facts or reinterpret events to fit their narrative and act as if their victim’s perceptions or memories are incorrect.
The goal of denying reality in gaslighting is to undermine the target’s confidence in themself and to establish control over their thoughts and emotions.
Withholding-Affection
Gaslighters might intentionally limit or deny emotional intimacy, physical closeness, and affectionate gestures as a way to manipulate their partner.
By using affection as a tool for control, the gaslighter is able to reinforce the idea that they have the power to grant or withhold emotional closeness based on the target’s compliance with their wishes.
This tactic can have a significant impact on the target’s self-esteem, well-being, and sense of security within the relationship.
Gaslighters criticize their victims’ decisions, preferences, and abilities, eroding their self-esteem and making them more dependent on their validation.
They might call their partner “crazy” or “overly emotional” to imply they are out of touch with reality and make them feel confused or anxious.
The goal of their criticism is often to cause the victim to become more vulnerable to internalizing these accusations, allowing the manipulator to gain more control in the relationship.
Projecting and Blaming
Gaslighters often project their own negative traits or behaviors onto their victims. They might accuse their partners of doing things they are actually doing, making them feel guilty or confused.
Or, they might shift blame for their actions onto their partner, saying things like, “I️ only did this because of you” or “It’s your fault X happened.”
Eventually, the victim may start to doubt their own competence and feel responsible for the problems in the relationship.
Your Feelings
Another way to identify gaslighting in a relationship is to pay attention to the ways you feel around your partner. Some signs include:
It’s important to remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication, and trust. If you suspect that you’re experiencing gaslighting in your relationship, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional.
Sources
Barton, R., & Whitehead, J. A. (1969). The gas-light phenomenon.The Lancet,293(7608), 1258-1260.
Klein, W.B., Wood, S. & Li, S (2022). A Qualitative Analysis of Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships. Preprint fromPsyArXiv.
Shane, T., Willaert, T. & Tuters, W. (2022). The rise of “gaslighting”: debates about disinformation on Twitter and 4chan, and the possibility of a “good echo chamber”.Popular Communication, 20(3), 178-192.
Stern, R. (2007).The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulations Other People Use to Control Your Life.New York: Harmony Books.
Sweet, P. L. (2019). The Sociology of Gaslighting.American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851–875.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Julia Simkus
BA (Hons) Psychology, Princeton University
Julia Simkus is a graduate of Princeton University with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She is currently studying for a Master’s Degree in Counseling for Mental Health and Wellness in September 2023. Julia’s research has been published in peer reviewed journals.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of QueenslandAnna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher
Mental Health Writer
BSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
