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Narcissistic rage typically manifests in response to criticism, slights, or challenges to their perceived superiority.
Narcissistic Rage
The reaction can vary in intensity, ranging from passive-aggressive behaviors and verbal aggression to more extreme forms of emotional outbursts, manipulation, and even physical violence.Because individuals with narcissistic traits have fragile self-esteem, any perceived threat to their self-image can lead to a disproportionate and often extreme reaction.
The underlying trigger for their rageis often a deep-seated fear of being exposed as anything less than perfect.
What Does Narcissistic Rage Look Like?
Narcissistic rage can manifest in various ways, and the severity of the reactions can vary among individuals. It can range from subtle, passive-aggressive behaviors to more overt, explosive outbursts.
But, the underlying motivation for this rage usually stems from the individual’s deep-seated insecurities and fears related to their self-esteem, self-worth, and self-image. When their dominance or grandiosity is challenged, their underlying insecurities are triggered.
They might react with explosive rage, which can include yelling, screaming, insults, belittling, name-calling, or physical aggression.
They also might become extremely defensive or deflect blame onto others, in an attempt to avoid facing their own flaws or shortcomings.
In extreme cases, individuals with narcissistic rage might threaten retaliation and scheme for revenge against those they perceive as threats.
“. . . he was always mad for no reason. He was always physically abusive when we argued. One time he sat on top of me and headbutted me on the nose because he saw a text I sent to a friend that he was “mentally ill.” I cried and panicked but he said it was my fault and later on showed remorse and started playing the victim.”
“In the end the rage was huge, violent, scary and lots of threats of killing me and my children. I mean he threatened to burn me and my children alive.”
“The minute I stood up against him or he felt he was losing control he would get aggressive and violent . . . once we were arguing and he knew he was losing the argument so he grabbed the iron, held it two inches from my face and said ‘I will burn you and nobody will ever look at you again.’”
“The other years we would only argue. I even cut my hair, he would pull it. If I don’t agree with him or say I don’t know if he asks me something, he beats me up … I think he was going to kill me in the end; I was getting beaten every week.”
“He is degrading to and about anyone who doesn’t agree with him and he is very vengeful to those who refuse to conform to his desires.”
“It got worse after our first son was born, because he was no longer the centre of my attention. I actually think he was jealous of the bond that my son and I️ had.”
“He tells endless lies and elaborate stories about his past and the things he has achieved, anyone who points out inconsistencies in his stories is cut out of his life.”
What Triggers Narcissistic Rage?
Narcissists have an excessive need to feel in control of their environment and the people in it. They believe they are entitled to the unconditional attention and admiration of others, and when these needs are threatened, their reaction is often extreme.
Here are some common triggers:
Failure or Setbacks
Experiencing failure or setbacks can be particularly distressing for individuals with narcissistic traits.
Anything that challenges their perception of constant success can trigger rage as a defense mechanism against feelings of incompetence.
Even minor disagreements or conflicts can trigger rage if they perceive these situations as personal attacks or attempts to undermine their self-image.
Criticism or Rejection
Any form of criticism, even constructive feedback, can be perceived as an attack to their self-worth and superiority. Additionally, situations where they feel embarrassed, slighted, or rejected can trigger feelings of inadequacy and provoke a rageful response.
Because narcissists thrive on constant admiration and attention, they are hypersensitive to anything that might undermine their grandiose self-image.
If they feel ignored, overlooked, or undervalued, they will respond with rage to regain the attention and validation they seek.
Loss of Control
When anarcissist feels they are losing control over a situation, they may respond with rage, as a loss of control is often seen as a threat to their authority.
Additionally, if a narcissistic person feels their pride or superiority has been challenged or if their lies or manipulations are exposed, they may lash out in rage to maintain their façade of perfection.
Individuals with narcissistic traits often see themselves as authority figures, and they want others to acknowledge their dominance and superiority.
If their authority is questioned or challenged, they can react with anger and rage to reassert their dominance.
Interestingly, however, beneath their grandiosity lies an underlying sense of inferiority. As such, situations that remind them of their flaws or limitations or threaten their sense of specialness can provoke rage as a defense mechanism.
How Do You Respond to Narcissistic Rage?
Responding to narcissistic rage requires careful consideration and a strategic approach, as interactions with individuals displaying such behavior can be challenging and emotionally charged.
Because narcissists thrive on attention, the best way to respond is to remain calm, maintain your emotional balance, and avoid escalation.
Remember, you cannot control the other person’s behavior. You can only control how you respond to it.
Can Narcissistic Rage Be Fixed?
Whether or not narcissistic rage can be “fixed” or “treated” depends on a number of factors, including the individual’s willingness to seek help, their level of insight, the severity of their narcissistic traits, and their commitment to personal growth and change.
Managing narcissistic rage can be challenging as this behavior is often a symptom of underlying personality traits or disorders. However, if the individual is motivated and willing, there are some approaches that can help improve or manage the situation.
First, the individual must be aware of their behavior and its negative impact on others. Achieving greater self-awareness and recognizing the negative consequences of their actions is a critical step toward change.
Psychotherapy, specifically approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and schema therapy, can help individuals with narcissistic traits work on their emotional regulation, empathy, and interpersonal skills.
Schema therapy, in particular, hasbeen found to be an effectivetreatment for individuals with personality disorders because this approach helps clients understand how their personality has developed and how it manifests in their everyday life.
Mentalization-based therapy (MBT) is anothereffective approachfor individuals with personality disorders. MBT focuses on helping individuals improve their capacity for mentalizing or understanding their own and others’ thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intentions.
“Mentalization” refers to the ability to recognize and understand mental states, both in oneself and in others. This includes being able to attribute thoughts, emotions, and intentions to oneself and others, and to make sense of the interactions between these mental states.
Other suggestions to help improve or manage narcissistic rage include:
It’s important to note that while some individuals with narcissistic traits may be able to improve their behavior and manage their rage through therapy and personal growth, others may be resistant to change or may struggle to maintain consistent progress.
If you are dealing with someone who displays narcissistic rage, your focus should be on your own well-being and safety.
Consider seeking guidance from mental health professionals as they can provide strategies for managing interactions and promoting healthier communication.
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Bateman A.W. & Fonagy P. (2013) Mentalization-based treatment.Psychoanalytic Inquiry, 33(6), 595-613.
Day, J.S., Townsend, M.L., Grenyer, B.F.S. (2020). Living with pathological narcissism: a qualitative study. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 7(19)
Fonagy, P. (1989). On the integration of Cognitive-Behaviour Theory with Psychoanalysis.British Journal of Psychotherapy,5 (4).
Green, A., & Charles, K. (2019). Voicing the victims of narcissistic partners: A qualitative analysis of responses to narcissistic injury and Self-Esteem regulation.Sage open, 9(2).
Krizan, Z., & Johar, O. (2015). Narcissistic rage revisited.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108, 784-801.
Miller, J. D., & Campbell, W. K. (2011).The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Theoretical Approaches, Empirical Findings, and Treatments.John Wiley & Sons.
Young, J. E. (1990).Practitioner’s resource series. Cognitive therapy for personality disorders: A schema-focused approach.Professional Resource Exchange, Inc.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Julia Simkus
BA (Hons) Psychology, Princeton University
Julia Simkus is a graduate of Princeton University with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology. She is currently studying for a Master’s Degree in Counseling for Mental Health and Wellness in September 2023. Julia’s research has been published in peer reviewed journals.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of QueenslandAnna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher
Mental Health Writer
BSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
