Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDoes It Always Make Sense to Rebuild?When To Consider Repairing Your FriendshipWhen Walking Away May Make SenseHow To Rebuild Friendship After Betrayal

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Does It Always Make Sense to Rebuild?

When To Consider Repairing Your Friendship

When Walking Away May Make Sense

How To Rebuild Friendship After Betrayal

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Your bestie has your back through thick and then. They’re your go-to when the world throws a rough curve ball and the first person you run to with exciting news. So when they betray your trust or your friendship? That cuthurtsdeeply.

How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life

The sting of betrayal is a hard one to deal with, and you might even wonder to yourself:is it even worth rebuilding the friendship in the first place?

“When deciding whether to mend or move on from a friendship, consider the nature and frequency of the betrayal,” Dr. Ramsey says. “If it’s a one-time event with a sincere apology and a change plan, rebuilding might be worth exploring.”

Kiki Ramsey, Ph.D, MCCIf it’s a one-time event with a sincere apology and a change plan, rebuilding might be worth exploring.

Kiki Ramsey, Ph.D, MCC

If it’s a one-time event with a sincere apology and a change plan, rebuilding might be worth exploring.

However, if betrayals seem to happen way too frequently—or they haven’t been able to show any sense of remorse or willingness to change—then investing your energy elsewhere may be healthier.

The Truth About Real Friendships

Here’s the thing about any type of relationship: they’re going to have ups and downs and won’t follow a linear path. “Understanding that human nature is flawed means one person’s mistakes don’t necessarily reflect who they are or how they can continue to support you in the future,” says licensed therapistRachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C. Keep that in mind as you forge your path.

Bottom line:If you feel strongly that the bond you shared is worth rekindling—and if both parties are willing to learn and grow from past experiences—it is worthwhile to explore re-connection. Science repeatedly shows that friendships keep us healthy and happy, so putting effort into mending things when it makes sense is worth it in the long run.

6 Benefits of Friendship and Why It’s So Important to Stay Close

The feelings you experience after a friend betrays you can be downright painful. You may feel an overwhelming flurry of anger, sadness, frustration, shock, and loneliness—after all, they were the one you turned to so many times for everything else.

“Betrayal typically comes from someone you’ve allowed into your inner circle, someone who plays a significant role in your emotional foundation,” saysPatricia S. Dixon, Psy.D,  a licensed clinical psychologist. “This turmoil is a natural response to the loss of trust and connection, and it can take time to process and heal from these feelings.”

Give yourself time to process what happened, and then—if it feels right—take these steps to rebuild your friendship again.

Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-CHaving a conversation about how the person hurt you, why you feel betrayed, and allowing them to apologize and acknowledge the pain they’ve caused is a great first step in rebuilding the friendship.

Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C

Having a conversation about how the person hurt you, why you feel betrayed, and allowing them to apologize and acknowledge the pain they’ve caused is a great first step in rebuilding the friendship.

1. Validate Your Pain

Acknowledge your pain and hurt. Feeling grief is a healthy and normal response, and it is important to honor these feelings and not minimize or avoid them.

2. Have an Open, Honest Conversation

Step number two is to talk it out—ideally in person. A phone call may work, but try to avoid texting back and forth for this one. “Having a conversation about how the person hurt you, why you feel betrayed, and allowing them to apologize and acknowledge the pain they’ve caused is a great first step in rebuilding the friendship,” says Goldberg.

3. Listen to Their Side

Give your friend a chance to explain their perspective. This allows you to better understand where they are coming from, which can mend hurt feelings and soften anger. This is also an opportunity to assess whether theirapology feels genuine, and if you think that it’s possible to move forward.

4. Remind Yourself Why You Were Friends

In the face of betrayal, you may question your own judgment with friendships. As long as this is a one-off betrayal (versus an ongoing pattern), it may be helpful to remind yourself why you two were friends to begin with. Goldberg says, “Reminding yourself of the reasons you are grateful for the friendship can help put you back in the mindset of how much care there is between you two.”

5. Genuinely Forgive Them

Grudges and building resentment won’t help either of you. Dr. Dixon says, “Decide to forgive, while also clearly communicating your expectations for the friendship moving forward. This helps establish a foundation of trust and respect as you work to rebuild your connection.”

6. Take Small Steps to Reconnect

You may be surprised at how good you feel once you’ve hashed things out with your friend. Even then, it’s smart to ease back into the friendship. Dr. Ramsey suggests taking “small steps to reconnect and reestablish shared activities and positive experiences, allowing the friendship to grow and heal over time.”

It may take some time, and things may not feel exactly like they once were, but following these steps will help you rebuild your friendship and get back to a more familiar place.

‘I Don’t Need Friends’: Why You Might Feel This Way

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rachman, S. (2010).Betrayal: A psychological analysis.Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304-311.Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L.Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review.BMC Public Health. 2022;22(1):2420. doi:10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Rachman, S. (2010).Betrayal: A psychological analysis.Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304-311.Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L.Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review.BMC Public Health. 2022;22(1):2420. doi:10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Rachman, S. (2010).Betrayal: A psychological analysis.Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304-311.Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L.Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review.BMC Public Health. 2022;22(1):2420. doi:10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4

Rachman, S. (2010).Betrayal: A psychological analysis.Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(4), 304-311.

Alsarrani A, Hunter RF, Dunne L, Garcia L.Association between friendship quality and subjective wellbeing among adolescents: a systematic review.BMC Public Health. 2022;22(1):2420. doi:10.1186/s12889-022-14776-4

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