Marriage and Borderline Personality Disorder

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow BPD Affects MarriageBPD Marriage StatisticsBPD and Marriage QualityBPD Marriage Tips

Table of ContentsView All

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Table of Contents

How BPD Affects Marriage

BPD Marriage Statistics

BPD and Marriage Quality

BPD Marriage Tips

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Borderline personality disorder(BPD) can have a major impact on relationships, particularly marriages and romantic relationships. Relationships in which either or both partners have BPD are often tumultuous, conflict-laden, and dysfunctional.

At a Glance

How BPD Affects Marriages and Romantic Relationships

Some of the ways that BPD can manifest in a relationship include:

The more severe these symptoms are, the more significantly they impact a relationship. This can lead to problems maintaining relationships. Evidence suggests that people who have BPD tend to have a higher number of romantic relationships because their symptoms make it difficult to maintain ahealthy relationship.

Borderline Personality Marriage Statistics

One study found that having BPD symptoms does not predict 10-year divorce rates.

People with BPD do not have higher divorce rates than the general population. Divorce rates among those with BPD are comparable to the divorce rate for the average U.S. citizen. However, people with BPD may be less likely to remarry after a divorce and tend to have more romantic relationships in general compared to those without BPD.

On an interesting note, research suggests that people with borderline personality disorder who develop a substantial reduction in their symptoms (defined asrecovering from BPD) are more likely than non-recovered people with BPD to marry and become a parent and less likely to divorce or lose custody of a child.

Unfortunately, there is limited hard research data on the quality of marriages in which one person has BPD. Of the research done, one older study found a positive link between the severity ofBPD symptomsand marital distress, perpetration of marital violence, and marital disruption.

This means that the more severe a person’s BPD symptoms are (for example, fear of abandonment or intense and frequent mood changes), the more likely their marriage will be chaotic and unstable. Another study found that BPD symptoms were linked to poor problem-solving and communication skills in a marriage.

There is more scientific data onromantic relationships and BPDwhich offers some potential insight. Research has shown that BPD symptoms are associated with greater chronic stress, more frequent conflicts, and less partner satisfaction in romantic relationships.

Furthermore, some experts believe the quality depends greatly on the personality of the non-BPD partner. Interestingly, there is research suggesting that people with BPD symptoms tend to marry partners who also report BPD symptoms—a phenomenon called assortative mating.

This phenomenon brings about concerns. It seems like it would be even more difficult to manage a relationship effectively and happily when not one but both partners have intense mood shifts, engage in impulsive behaviors, and possess an unhealthy sense of self—all symptoms of having BPD.

Tips for Managing Your Relationship

If one or both partners in a relationship have BPD, that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail or become a source of stress. Taking the right steps can help minimize the negative impact on your relationship and help you maintain a healthy, satisfying connection with your partner.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD, strategies that can help include:

For those who have BPD, the most important step you can take to protect your relationship is to get treatment for your condition. BPD is treatable, and therapy can help manage your symptoms and improve your relationships.

Types of therapythat can be particularly effective includedialectical behavior therapy(DBT) andmentalization-based therapy(MBT). These approaches can help you better understand your thought patterns, develop stronger interpersonal skills, and better tolerate feelings of distress.

There are no medications that have been approved to treat borderline personality disorder. Some medications may be prescribed to help you manage certain symptoms of your condition, such as depression, anger, and impulsivity.

Keep in Mind

The take-home message here is that even though divorce rates are not as high as one might expect in marriages where one person has BPD, being in a relationship with someone with BPD can still be particularly stressful and challenging.

This is why, in addition to the BPD partner getting treatment, it’s a good idea to seek outmaritalorfamily therapyto keep the marriage, relationship, and family functioning intact.

The Best Online Therapy ProgramsWe’ve tried, tested and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain.

7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Miano A, Dziobek I, Roepke S.Characterizing couple dysfunction in borderline personality disorder.J Pers Disord. 2018:1-18. doi:10.1521/pedi_2018_32_388Navarro-Gómez S, Frías Á, Palma C.Romantic relationships of people with borderline personality: A narrative review.PSP. 2017;50(3):175-187. doi:10.1159/000474950Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM.The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015;29(1):62-70. doi:10.1521/pedi_2014_28_147Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD.Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015;124(4):975-981. doi:10.1037/abn0000095Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC.Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009;23(4):410-415. doi:10.1521/pedi.2009.23.4.410Choi-Kain LW, Finch EF, Masland SR, Jenkins JA, Unruh BT.What works in the treatment of borderline personality disorder.Curr Behav Neurosci Rep. 2017;4(1):21–30. doi:10.1007/s40473-017-0103-zParker JD, Naeem A.Pharmacologic treatment of borderline personality disorder.AFP. 2019;99(5).Additional ReadingKreider RM, Fields JM. Number,Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009. US Census Bureau, Issued Feb. 2011.Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD. Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015 Nov;124(4):975-81.Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC. Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009 Aug;23(4):410-5.Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM. The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015 Feb;29(1):62-70.

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Miano A, Dziobek I, Roepke S.Characterizing couple dysfunction in borderline personality disorder.J Pers Disord. 2018:1-18. doi:10.1521/pedi_2018_32_388Navarro-Gómez S, Frías Á, Palma C.Romantic relationships of people with borderline personality: A narrative review.PSP. 2017;50(3):175-187. doi:10.1159/000474950Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM.The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015;29(1):62-70. doi:10.1521/pedi_2014_28_147Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD.Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015;124(4):975-981. doi:10.1037/abn0000095Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC.Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009;23(4):410-415. doi:10.1521/pedi.2009.23.4.410Choi-Kain LW, Finch EF, Masland SR, Jenkins JA, Unruh BT.What works in the treatment of borderline personality disorder.Curr Behav Neurosci Rep. 2017;4(1):21–30. doi:10.1007/s40473-017-0103-zParker JD, Naeem A.Pharmacologic treatment of borderline personality disorder.AFP. 2019;99(5).Additional ReadingKreider RM, Fields JM. Number,Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009. US Census Bureau, Issued Feb. 2011.Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD. Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015 Nov;124(4):975-81.Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC. Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009 Aug;23(4):410-5.Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM. The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015 Feb;29(1):62-70.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Miano A, Dziobek I, Roepke S.Characterizing couple dysfunction in borderline personality disorder.J Pers Disord. 2018:1-18. doi:10.1521/pedi_2018_32_388Navarro-Gómez S, Frías Á, Palma C.Romantic relationships of people with borderline personality: A narrative review.PSP. 2017;50(3):175-187. doi:10.1159/000474950Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM.The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015;29(1):62-70. doi:10.1521/pedi_2014_28_147Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD.Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015;124(4):975-981. doi:10.1037/abn0000095Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC.Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009;23(4):410-415. doi:10.1521/pedi.2009.23.4.410Choi-Kain LW, Finch EF, Masland SR, Jenkins JA, Unruh BT.What works in the treatment of borderline personality disorder.Curr Behav Neurosci Rep. 2017;4(1):21–30. doi:10.1007/s40473-017-0103-zParker JD, Naeem A.Pharmacologic treatment of borderline personality disorder.AFP. 2019;99(5).

Miano A, Dziobek I, Roepke S.Characterizing couple dysfunction in borderline personality disorder.J Pers Disord. 2018:1-18. doi:10.1521/pedi_2018_32_388

Navarro-Gómez S, Frías Á, Palma C.Romantic relationships of people with borderline personality: A narrative review.PSP. 2017;50(3):175-187. doi:10.1159/000474950

Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM.The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015;29(1):62-70. doi:10.1521/pedi_2014_28_147

Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD.Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015;124(4):975-981. doi:10.1037/abn0000095

Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC.Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009;23(4):410-415. doi:10.1521/pedi.2009.23.4.410

Choi-Kain LW, Finch EF, Masland SR, Jenkins JA, Unruh BT.What works in the treatment of borderline personality disorder.Curr Behav Neurosci Rep. 2017;4(1):21–30. doi:10.1007/s40473-017-0103-z

Parker JD, Naeem A.Pharmacologic treatment of borderline personality disorder.AFP. 2019;99(5).

Kreider RM, Fields JM. Number,Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2009. US Census Bureau, Issued Feb. 2011.Lavner JA, Lamkin J, Miller JD. Borderline personality disorder symptoms and newlyweds' observed communication, partner characteristics, and longitudinal marital outcomes.J Abnorm Psychol. 2015 Nov;124(4):975-81.Whisman MA, Schonbrun YC. Social consequences of borderline personality disorder symptoms in a population-based survey: marital distress, marital violence, and marital disruption.J Pers Disord. 2009 Aug;23(4):410-5.Zanarini MC, Frankenburg FR, Reich DB, Wedig MM, Conkey LC, Fitzmaurice GM. The course of marriage/sustained cohabitation and parenthood among borderline patients followed prospectively for 16 years.J Pers Disord. 2015 Feb;29(1):62-70.

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