It's Time to Spring Clean Our Relationships

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Does It Mean to Spring Clean Our Relationships?How to Spring Clean Your RelationshipsSpring Cleaning Relationships for Our Mental HealthNext in Clearing Out the Cobwebs Guide5 Ways to Spring Clean Your Brain

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Does It Mean to Spring Clean Our Relationships?

How to Spring Clean Your Relationships

Spring Cleaning Relationships for Our Mental Health

Next in Clearing Out the Cobwebs Guide

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As the weather warms up and the sun starts peeking out, you are probably engaging in somespring cleaning, putting away the heaviness of the winter to make room for spring and new beginnings.

But have you ever thought of doing that with relationships? Probably not. But as social beings, we are literally wired to connect with others. And yet, we may spend more time contemplating whether or not a sweater works for us than contemplating if certain relationships are working for us.

This spring, you might want to try to add some spring cleaning to your relationships. Read on to learn what this means, how you might do it and why, and the benefit it can have on your mental health.

If you’re a parent—especially of multiple children—you likely understand all too wellhow physical clutter can build up. What doesn’t seem like a lot taken individually can start to compound.

“Imagine you have a garbage bag full of stuff from your own room, says therapistMendi Baron, LCSW. “Then imagine that someone else comes and gives you their bag to carry. Then someone else. Then a third person asks you to carry them, while a fourth tries to trip you.”

Carrying all that emotional clutter can make it hard to breathe. “Many times, the implicit or imagined weight and expectations of these relationships can pull us down, drain us of energy and take our focus off of our own needs and goals,” he says. “We need to clear the space to properly function in life.”

When cleaning a physical space, often you will dump everything out of the area you’re cleaning so you can see what you have to work with. While it’s not quite as easy to dump out ouremotional baggageon the floor to see what’s there, thereareways to illuminate what’s been hiding in the dark corners of our relationship closet.

Couples and sex therapistEmily Lambert LCSWsays she likes to think of a relationship with someone as a garden.

Emily Lambert, LCSWImagine your relationship with your partner is a garden, What are some weeds in the relationship that we need to take out so it can grow better?

Emily Lambert, LCSW

Imagine your relationship with your partner is a garden, What are some weeds in the relationship that we need to take out so it can grow better?

Once you’ve figured out what needs to go in your relationship to prevent ruin and overgrowth, then you can figure out what to add to continue to nourish it.

While there may not be a magic fertilizer you can sprinkle over your relationship to help it grow, some of the common things that may help your relationship flourish are:

The Quality Time Love Language and Your Relationship

Spring Cleaning Your Relationships on a Macro Level

When thinking of relationships and relationshipinventories, many people jump to applying these types of inventories to a specific relationship, often a romantic one. However, these types of inventories work on the macro level, too.

When embarking on a big project to declutter your physical space, often people will make three piles: toss (/donate), store and keep. This framework can apply to individual relationships, too.

Toss

There’s that feeling you get when you see an item; you wonder why you ever had it in the first place—you can’t imagine a version of you that ever needed it.

Sometimes when we spring clean our relationships, says psychiatristDr. Timothy Jeider, “there are some people who have to be tossed out completely.” These are people who may have once served a purpose in our lives—or we hoped they might—but they don’t actually serve a purpose for who we are today.

How to Know When It’s Time to TossA relationship that you should “toss,” says Baron, “is one that you think any of these things about: ‘This is bringing me down. It’s negative. It’s an energy suck.” The relationships that you should toss are the ones that aren’t bringing anything positive to your life, or you actually feelworseafter spending time with that person.

How to Know When It’s Time to Toss

A relationship that you should “toss,” says Baron, “is one that you think any of these things about: ‘This is bringing me down. It’s negative. It’s an energy suck.” The relationships that you should toss are the ones that aren’t bringing anything positive to your life, or you actually feelworseafter spending time with that person.

Store

Sometimes we’re just not ready to part with something or someone, and so we send it out to the actual or proverbial garage. While Jerry Seinfeld would argue that nothing that goes out to the garage ever makes the cut and is just purgatory, “storing” a relationship can mean that “it has meaning but it’s not one I can really handle right now,” says Baron. “I have too much on my plate.”

Or, like the papers in the garage, these relationships may need a sturdier container to hold them. “They may need new or specificboundariesto keep the relationship in check,” says Jeider.

Much like storing something as a way to decide whether you really want or need it (although you probably know the answer in both cases), this is a way to take a step back and evaluate relationships you’re not really sure about.

A relationship that you may want to put in “storage,” says Baron, “may be one that feels not entirely reciprocal.” These are the relationships where you may feel like you are giving more than you’re getting, but maybe it hasn’t always been that way.

Keep

This should hopefully be an easy one! “These are the people who enrich your life and make you feel better every time you are with them,” says Jeider. “These are the keepers.”

Past relational traumas and insecurity can sometimes cloud our vision and make us feel like a good relationship eitherisn’thealthy or is “too much” when we may be used to the more chaotic relationships.

How to Know If You Should Keep the RelationshipYou’d be thinking things like, “This relationship refreshes me, keeps me motivated, contributes to my life in a positive manner, and is reciprocal,” says Baron.

How to Know If You Should Keep the Relationship

You’d be thinking things like, “This relationship refreshes me, keeps me motivated, contributes to my life in a positive manner, and is reciprocal,” says Baron.

How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

Physical clutter can lead to all kinds of negative mental health effects,including depression, decreased focus, confusion, and tension—but so can mental or relational clutter.

“We often don’t realize that these relationships actually contribute to and directly impact our self-concept, mood, world concept or outlook, energy, and more,” says Baron.

Mendi Baron, LCSWWe often don’t realize that these relationships actually contribute to and directly impact our self-concept, mood, world concept or outlook, energy, and more.

Mendi Baron, LCSW

We often don’t realize that these relationships actually contribute to and directly impact our self-concept, mood, world concept or outlook, energy, and more.

“By clearing the negative,” says Baron, “you immediately alleviate significantmental health stressors.” In partnered relationships, negative partner interactions are related to poorer mental health outcomes, while those with higher levels of social integration face lower odds of depression.

Healthy relationships can even improve these conditions, so taking care of the relationships in your life is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Jerry Seinfeld stand-up.YouTube.McMains S, Kastner S.Interactions of top-down and bottom-up mechanisms in human visual cortex.J Neurosci. 2011;31(2):587-597. doi:10.1523/JNEUROSCI.3766-10.2011Harris MA, Orth U.The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2020;119(6):1459-1477. doi:10.1037/pspp0000265

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Jerry Seinfeld stand-up.YouTube.McMains S, Kastner S.Interactions of top-down and bottom-up mechanisms in human visual cortex.J Neurosci. 2011;31(2):587-597. doi:10.1523/JNEUROSCI.3766-10.2011Harris MA, Orth U.The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2020;119(6):1459-1477. doi:10.1037/pspp0000265

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Jerry Seinfeld stand-up.YouTube.McMains S, Kastner S.Interactions of top-down and bottom-up mechanisms in human visual cortex.J Neurosci. 2011;31(2):587-597. doi:10.1523/JNEUROSCI.3766-10.2011Harris MA, Orth U.The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2020;119(6):1459-1477. doi:10.1037/pspp0000265

Jerry Seinfeld stand-up.YouTube.

McMains S, Kastner S.Interactions of top-down and bottom-up mechanisms in human visual cortex.J Neurosci. 2011;31(2):587-597. doi:10.1523/JNEUROSCI.3766-10.2011

Harris MA, Orth U.The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2020;119(6):1459-1477. doi:10.1037/pspp0000265

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