Is Your Friend Sabotaging You? Watch Out For These Red Flags

Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents10 Signs a Friend Is Sabotaging YouWhy Your “Friend” Might Sabotage YouWhat to Do If You Think Your Friend Is Sabotaging You

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

10 Signs a Friend Is Sabotaging You

Why Your “Friend” Might Sabotage You

What to Do If You Think Your Friend Is Sabotaging You

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No one wants to believe their friend isn’t their friend. They’re supposed to be our ride-or-die, our shoulder to cry on, the yin-to-our-yang. But sometimes, things are justoff. Maybe they downplay our successes, give us questionable advice, or seem a little too happy when things don’t go our way. But they’re our friends…right?

These mixed signals can make us question our reality and wonder whether we’re making a big deal out of nothing or if something nefarious is happening, saysJudy Ho Gavazza, PhD, ABPP, ABPdN, a neuropsychologist.

Below, we’ll explore some subtle and not-so-subtle signs that a friend might actually be sabotaging you, even if it’s unintentional. It might be time to reevaluate your friendships and take steps to protect yourself, like perhaps breaking up with your friend.

At a GlanceEver get the feeling that a friend might not have your back? If they’re constantly putting you down, throwing shade your way, or spreading gossip about you, they might be sabotaging you. Why? Maybe they’re jealous, insecure, or in some sort of weird competition with you. Either way, keep an eye out for these sneaky sabotage tactics so you can protect your peace.

At a Glance

Ever get the feeling that a friend might not have your back? If they’re constantly putting you down, throwing shade your way, or spreading gossip about you, they might be sabotaging you. Why? Maybe they’re jealous, insecure, or in some sort of weird competition with you. Either way, keep an eye out for these sneaky sabotage tactics so you can protect your peace.

If you suspect that a friend might be sabotaging you, these are some red flags to look out for:

It can feel very lonely when someone you trust sabotages you. You may feel like you’re doing something wrong, and their actions must be your fault somehow. It can affect your confidence and make you not trust others as easily.—JENNA NIELSEN, MSW, LCSW

It can feel very lonely when someone you trust sabotages you. You may feel like you’re doing something wrong, and their actions must be your fault somehow. It can affect your confidence and make you not trust others as easily.

—JENNA NIELSEN, MSW, LCSW

It can be hard to believe that a friend could intentionally or unintentionally sabotage you. But according to the experts, these are some common reasons behind this kind of behavior:

Coping With Emotionally Draining Friends

It can be tricky to be in a position where a friend might be sabotaging you. Here’s what you can do to handle the situation:

It’s really important to surround yourself with people who are going to be positive, healing presences in your life, and sometimes you may have to put a friend on the back burner or even cut them out of your life if they keep sabotaging you.—JUDY HO GAVAZZA, PHD, ABPP, ABPDN

It’s really important to surround yourself with people who are going to be positive, healing presences in your life, and sometimes you may have to put a friend on the back burner or even cut them out of your life if they keep sabotaging you.

—JUDY HO GAVAZZA, PHD, ABPP, ABPDN

Takeaways

3 Therapists Share Their Top Friendship Dealbreakers

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Ramachandran VS, Jalal B.The evolutionary psychology of envy and jealousy.Front Psychol. 2017 Sep 19;8:1619. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01619Lim YO, Suh KH.Development and validation of a measure of passive aggression traits: The Passive Aggression Scale (PAS).Behav Sci (Basel). 2022 Aug 8;12(8):273. doi:10.3390/bs12080273Decety J, Cowell JM.Friends or foes: Is empathy necessary for moral behavior?Perspect Psychol Sci. 2014 Sep;9(5):525-37. doi:10.1177/1745691614545130Stern JA, Costello MA, Kansky J, Fowler C, Loeb EL, Allen JP.Here for you: Attachment and the growth of empathic support for friends in adolescence.Child Dev. 2021 Nov;92(6):e1326-e1341. doi:10.1111/cdev.13630

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Ramachandran VS, Jalal B.The evolutionary psychology of envy and jealousy.Front Psychol. 2017 Sep 19;8:1619. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01619Lim YO, Suh KH.Development and validation of a measure of passive aggression traits: The Passive Aggression Scale (PAS).Behav Sci (Basel). 2022 Aug 8;12(8):273. doi:10.3390/bs12080273Decety J, Cowell JM.Friends or foes: Is empathy necessary for moral behavior?Perspect Psychol Sci. 2014 Sep;9(5):525-37. doi:10.1177/1745691614545130Stern JA, Costello MA, Kansky J, Fowler C, Loeb EL, Allen JP.Here for you: Attachment and the growth of empathic support for friends in adolescence.Child Dev. 2021 Nov;92(6):e1326-e1341. doi:10.1111/cdev.13630

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Ramachandran VS, Jalal B.The evolutionary psychology of envy and jealousy.Front Psychol. 2017 Sep 19;8:1619. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01619Lim YO, Suh KH.Development and validation of a measure of passive aggression traits: The Passive Aggression Scale (PAS).Behav Sci (Basel). 2022 Aug 8;12(8):273. doi:10.3390/bs12080273Decety J, Cowell JM.Friends or foes: Is empathy necessary for moral behavior?Perspect Psychol Sci. 2014 Sep;9(5):525-37. doi:10.1177/1745691614545130Stern JA, Costello MA, Kansky J, Fowler C, Loeb EL, Allen JP.Here for you: Attachment and the growth of empathic support for friends in adolescence.Child Dev. 2021 Nov;92(6):e1326-e1341. doi:10.1111/cdev.13630

Ramachandran VS, Jalal B.The evolutionary psychology of envy and jealousy.Front Psychol. 2017 Sep 19;8:1619. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01619

Lim YO, Suh KH.Development and validation of a measure of passive aggression traits: The Passive Aggression Scale (PAS).Behav Sci (Basel). 2022 Aug 8;12(8):273. doi:10.3390/bs12080273

Decety J, Cowell JM.Friends or foes: Is empathy necessary for moral behavior?Perspect Psychol Sci. 2014 Sep;9(5):525-37. doi:10.1177/1745691614545130

Stern JA, Costello MA, Kansky J, Fowler C, Loeb EL, Allen JP.Here for you: Attachment and the growth of empathic support for friends in adolescence.Child Dev. 2021 Nov;92(6):e1326-e1341. doi:10.1111/cdev.13630

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