Is That Narcissist You Know Actually Just a Self-Absorbed Jerk?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Narcissism?How Is Narcissism Different Than Being a Stuck-Up Jerk?How to Deal With Narcissists…and JerksTreatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is Narcissism?

How Is Narcissism Different Than Being a Stuck-Up Jerk?

How to Deal With Narcissists…and Jerks

Treatment for Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The term “narcissistic” is everywhere these days, and is overused to a degree. But what does it actually mean to be a narcissist?

There’s much more to narcissism than just being a self-absorbed jerk. Read on to learn more aboutnarcissistic personality disorderand who can actually, accurately be called a narcissist—and who is just into themselves in a more everyday sense.

There are two basic types of NPD—”grandiose” and “vulnerable.”

Despite this, it is a fairly common personality disorder—some statistics estimate that it is prevalent in anywhere from 5% to 15% of the population, with the higher percentage being found specifically in those who have receivedinpatient psychiatric treatment.

So, how do you tell the difference between a bona fide narcissist and someone who’s just generally unpleasant and self-obsessed? There are some key clues here.

First of all, a true narcissist will display at least five of those nine characteristics listed above; someone who does not display at least five of those characteristics cannot be diagnosed with NPD.

The other telltale difference between a full-blown narcissist and someone who is just being a jerk is choice.

Most people have the choice between behaving badly and behaving well; a choice between selfishness and generosity, or between nastiness and respect. A true narcissist does not have that choice.

Someone who is just being a jerk might recognize that their behavior only benefits them, and choose to go ahead with it anyway, because they place their own wellbeing above the wellbeing of others.

However, just like there are effective treatments for anxiety, NPD can also be effectively treated, namely through therapy.

The way you handle a true narcissist can be very different from the way you handle someone who’s just being a self-absorbed jerk.

First of all, when dealing with a narcissist, it’s imperative to remember that their behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you.

No matter what you do or say, they will still behave narcissistically. Do not take their behavior personally.

If, on the other hand, the person you’re dealing with is not actually a narcissist but is still behaving badly, you might want to (and be able to) explore what has triggered them to act the way they are acting.

Confronting someone like this—someone who is not a narcissist—can actually be productive. Explaining how you feel to someone who is capable of empathy (even if they’re not acting like it at the moment) is much more likely to work than trying to do the same with a narcissist who is clinically incapable of empathy.

If you’re working with a narcissist, dealing with them might feel impossible. In this case, it would be important to talk to your fellow coworkers about the narcissist’s behavior in order to build up interpersonal support.

It is much easier to handle narcissistic behavior if the people around you also understand that that’s what’s happening, and you can lean on each other when their bad behavior affects you.

However, if you are dealing with a narcissist in your personal life, you might want to consider whether ending your relationship with them might be better for your own mental health.

Unless the person is actively in treatment to address their NPD, it might feel impossible for you to continue interacting with them. Again, remember that their behavior has nothing to do with you, and it might not change no matter what you do.

The best treatment for NPD is psychotherapy, or talk therapy. If someone with NPD pursues therapy and commits to changing the way they think about themselves and interact with the world, therapy can be successful. That said, this can be a difficult step for someone with NPD, as they are unlikely to perceive that their behavior may be problematic or harmful.

In therapy, someone with NPD can learn to:

Therapy for someone with NPD will be about self-recognition—understanding their natural tendencies and ways of thinking and learning to act in opposition to those things.

There is no medication approved to treat NPD, though medications likeanti-depressantscan effectively treat comorbid conditions like depression and anxiety.

Final Thoughts

While narcissistic personality disorder is one of the more common personality disorders, the term “narcissism” is often used without a full understanding of the actual condition itself.

But recognizing the difference between a true narcissist and someone who is just behaving unpleasantly can help people learn to more effectively deal with someone who does actually have NPD. Additionally, increasing your sensitivity around this issue can help reduce any stigmas around individuals with personality disorders, which are often misunderstood.

Finally, working on your communication skills can only be a positive for you moving forward, whether or not you’re dealing with a narcissist.

1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Mitra P, Fluyau D.Narcissistic Personality Disorder. [Updated 2023 Mar 13]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-.

1 Source

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Mitra P, Fluyau D.Narcissistic Personality Disorder. [Updated 2023 Mar 13]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-.

Mitra P, Fluyau D.Narcissistic Personality Disorder. [Updated 2023 Mar 13]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-.

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