'Is My Boyfriend Cheating?' A Relationship Coach Weighs In

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThey Don’t Address Your Concerns SeriouslyThey Accuse You Of CheatingYour Intuition Says Something Is Wrong

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

They Don’t Address Your Concerns Seriously

They Accuse You Of Cheating

Your Intuition Says Something Is Wrong

If you think your boyfriend ischeating on you, it’s likely their behavior has aroused your suspicions. Maybe your partner is disengaged and spending more time alone, or they’ve started hiding their phone around you.

Sure, some of the incidents could have plausible explanations—like there’s some stress impacting their personality or simple misunderstandings that could be easily resolved with a conversation. But when you don’t feel settled after talking, a lingering question may persist: What if their strange behavior does mean something? Something that would violate your trust and mean everything wrong and terrible?

When any of my clients hesitate to express their fears of infidelity to their partner, they stay stuck in a devastating anxiety spiral that can ruin their well-being.It’s not worth it. I advise them to trust their intuition, gather specific examplesfueling their paranoia, and share their concerns as soon as they can.

It’s good to get feedback from their friends and me, but we can only speculate. Only your boyfriend can tell you what’s happening. Remember: your feelings matter. If their behaviors are triggering yourhypervigilanceor creating distance, it’s worth addressing.

Despite this advice, some people want to bring concrete proof to the conversation. You might want to start poking around to find some answers. However, even when you’re justified, I still don’t recommend sleuthing through their phone and emails. Seriously, don’t do it. I’ve snooped and regretted it after. I’ll never be in a relationship where I feel like I need to do that again. The moment you invade their privacy is the moment you reveal the lack of trust and respect you have in the relationship.

The moment you invade their privacy is the moment you reveal the lack of trust and respect you have in the relationship.

Instead, talk and be open—that you’re worried about the strange energy you’re picking up on and that you need their help to feel safe. In a secure partnership, your partner will do whatever it takes to fix the issue. They’ll deeply listen, share their perspective, and put in effort to calm down your frayed nerves. If they respond defensively, dismiss you,gaslightyour observations, evade your questions, or your conversation ends in a fight, that’s a bad sign.

As a Relationship Coach, Here Are 4 Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Already Over

Projectionis a subconsciousdefense mechanismwhere an individual deflects their unwanted emotions, desires, and motives onto another person. In my experience, projection can also be one of the clearestsigns of infidelity. I once dated someone who didn’t like my matchmaking career. In response, I stopped going out to networking events and limited my interactions with men.

How to Spot a Liar in a Relationship

There’s nothing seemingly wrong in the relationship but you keep getting this nagging feeling that they’re cheating on you. If your stomach drops after you kiss them or you feel an emotional distance when you’re spending time together, don’t dismissthat feeling. When your body is telling you something, it might be a good idea to drop in and listen.

Jealousy is a fairly normal emotion in a relationship, but it’s toxic if the baseless accusations come out of nowhere.

Here’s another reason to trust your body–stress contagion. Meaning stress can actually be physiologically contagious,and the heightened cortisol canactuallyleak through your partner’s skin and trigger your empathetic mirror neurons, so you become anxious, too. So, if you’re grappling with anxiety and everything is seemingly OK, that could be a reason.

While science is still understanding the cognitive processes behind a hunch,I trust in our intuition wholeheartedly. I believe our bodies possess an ancient wisdom that transcends logical rationale. Yes, we won’t know when our partners are cheating on us unless they admit it or we physically have evidence. But our guts will. Throughout my life, my gut has consistently functioned as a coherent guide, pulling me toward the right path even when I didn’t understand it.

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Keep in Mind

In a relationship, the impact of three simple words is life-changing: “I love you” or the admission, “Yes, I cheated.” The revelation of being cheated on carries a similar weight to the feeling of falling in love—it’s unequivocal and undeniable. One thing is certain: you’ll never be the same afterward.

Some of these signs could hint at possible cheating, but you won’t know until you can get real with each other. The reality is there’s a need to have an honest discussion to unearth what’s going on, whether it’s your insecurity, an unexplained reason for their behavior, or infidelity.

If necessary, call in a therapist or arelationship coachto facilitate these conversations. The journey to uncover the truth will test your communication skills and help you figure out what to do next.

Why Communication In Relationships Is So Important

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM. Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479.Erkens VA, Nater UM, Hennig J, Häusser JA. Social identification and contagious stress reactions.Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2019;102:58-62.Eskinazi M, Giannopulu I.Continuity in intuition and insight: from real to naturalistic virtual environment.Sci Rep. 2021 Jan 21;11(1):1876. doi:10.1038/s41598-021-81532-w

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM. Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479.Erkens VA, Nater UM, Hennig J, Häusser JA. Social identification and contagious stress reactions.Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2019;102:58-62.Eskinazi M, Giannopulu I.Continuity in intuition and insight: from real to naturalistic virtual environment.Sci Rep. 2021 Jan 21;11(1):1876. doi:10.1038/s41598-021-81532-w

Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM. Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479.Erkens VA, Nater UM, Hennig J, Häusser JA. Social identification and contagious stress reactions.Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2019;102:58-62.Eskinazi M, Giannopulu I.Continuity in intuition and insight: from real to naturalistic virtual environment.Sci Rep. 2021 Jan 21;11(1):1876. doi:10.1038/s41598-021-81532-w

Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM. Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479.

Erkens VA, Nater UM, Hennig J, Häusser JA. Social identification and contagious stress reactions.Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2019;102:58-62.

Eskinazi M, Giannopulu I.Continuity in intuition and insight: from real to naturalistic virtual environment.Sci Rep. 2021 Jan 21;11(1):1876. doi:10.1038/s41598-021-81532-w

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