Having a crush feels amazing — the butterflies, the newness, the way you find yourself smiling when you’re thinking about that special someone. But wait, what if all those warm fuzzy feelings are happening when you’re in a committed relationship…and they’re not directed towards your significant other? Depending on the nature of you and your partner’s relationship, you might have a bit of a dilemma on your hands.
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Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.
Couples Therapy Online
Strengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.
Learn more
Understanding Crushes Versus Emotional Cheating
It can be hard to distinguish between innocent crushes andemotional cheating. Feelings can’t necessarily be controlled, and crushes are notorious for popping up when it’s inconvenient. In this case, during a committed relationship. Plus, just because you’re “off the market” it doesn’t mean that you’re immune to finding other people attractive (that would make life way too easy).
According to Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S, having a crush while you’re in a relationship is totally common and normal. “A crush with a small ‘c’ is harmless and it refers to the emotion we feel when we see someone cute,” Catchings explains. “A Crush with a big ‘C’ can be more dangerous, mainly if we act on it. If the situation starts escalating, and we spend more time thinking about our Crush and wanting to act on our feelings or desires, that might be a sign that we need to ask ourselves how happy we actually are with our current relationship.”
The Difference Between Little “c” and Big “C” Crushes
So how can you tell the difference between a little crush and a Crush that’s escalating to something more, entering the territory of emotional cheating? What’s okay, and what isn’t? Here are some basic guidelines.
It’sprobablyokay if:
It’sprobablynot okay if:
If you feel yourself diving deeper into a crush and moving into the “not okay” territory, it’s time to take a step back and assess the reasons why you’re crushing.
“If we start feeling something deeper for another person, something might be broken in our own relationship,” Cynthia Catchings says. “At that point, the situation is not normal and we need to evaluate if crushing on someone else is just the tip of our iceberg.”
It’s All Dependent on Your Relationship Health
When it comes down to it, whether or not your crush is “okay” is going to be very dependent on the situation, the nature of your relationship, and the standards you and your partner hold each other to. Catchings adds, “We have to be completely honest with ourselves and decide if we do not want to be with our significant other anymore. In the end, we owe that to ourselves and to the person we are with.”
If you feel this internal conflict has become problematic, try reaching out to a therapist, or considerrelationship counseling as a couple. And if you just can’t seem to shake your crush, well, there’s alwaysethical non-monogamy.
Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.
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