Is It Ever OK To Go Through Your Partner's Phone?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy People SnoopIs It OK to Snoop?If You’re Considering Snooping

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why People Snoop

Is It OK to Snoop?

If You’re Considering Snooping

Close

There has never been an easier time to dig up information about another person, and our romantic partners are no exception. With over a decade’s worth of personal history on social media and almost everything you do online getting routed back through Google—very little stays hidden away from one or more clever clicks on a keyboard.

Using only amobile phone, you can gain access to someone’s email conversations, social media messaging, direct message communication, text messages, and so on. This can prove useful or troubling, depending on the circumstances. But when is it appropriate, especially when it comes to our love interests or partners?

When struggling withjealousyortrustin your relationship, the thought of taking a quick peek into your partner’s digital life may have crossed your mind. The question is, what impact can this have on your relationship?

At a GlanceWhile it can be tempting to get a little extra intel on your partner on the sly, trust in a relationship is a valuable, yet easy-to-break thing. When partners begin to move behind the other’s back, this can spell trouble for the relationship. If insecurities or challenges arise, this can leave room to consider snooping. Partners should have open discussions about these feelings for a healthy relationship to thrive. Loved ones should speak honestly about their emotions and doubts. This will not only strengthen the relationship but can improve honest communication between partners.

At a Glance

While it can be tempting to get a little extra intel on your partner on the sly, trust in a relationship is a valuable, yet easy-to-break thing. When partners begin to move behind the other’s back, this can spell trouble for the relationship. If insecurities or challenges arise, this can leave room to consider snooping. Partners should have open discussions about these feelings for a healthy relationship to thrive. Loved ones should speak honestly about their emotions and doubts. This will not only strengthen the relationship but can improve honest communication between partners.

Why Is It So Tempting to Snoop?

To answer this question, it’s necessary to break down the process of spying on your partner. First, a partner will entertain doubts about possible distrustful or illegal activities their significant other might be engaged in.

If you feel the urge to snoop on your partner, some of the following may be true about your relationship.

There might be a lack of trust

Trust is a non-negotiable element for relationships to thrive. A study of young couples found that trust in relationships not only encouragedfaithfulnessandvulnerability—it also promotedemotional intimacy.

In these scenarios, reaching for their phones or other devices/means becomes necessary to get to the root of these doubts.

There are suspicions of infidelity

If you observe that your partner is keeping a distance from you, or is more engrossed than normal on their devices—this can be troubling to your mind.

On one hand, there is the chance you are overthinking the possible change in behavior. Because cheating allegations can be dicey, keeping such thoughts inside can seem like the best choice. On the other hand, a simple,confrontation-freeway to allay fears is to have a quick look at things for yourself without your partner knowing.

While these are valid, insecurity, doubt, and jealousy fan the flames that encourage spying in relationships. These are not traits of ahealthy relationship.

Partners Shy Away From Hard Conversations

If your partner is unwilling to speak about a disappointment suffered during the week, you’re likely to go in search of their phone for answers. The same goes when looking to make sense of a growing distance from your loved one, etc.

When partners are unable to speak honestly about their present feelings, there is ample opportunity for negative influences to set in.

Is It Ever OK to Snoop on Your Partner?

When participants in a survey were asked this question, 42% responded that it was never OK to do so.Twenty-eight percent of the men and women respondents, however, believed certain rare situations called for partners to snoop in on their loved one’s affairs.

Snooping into your partner’s private affairs is a direct breach of their privacy. Unless you and your partner have prior agreements to freely go through the other’s devices—looking through their pictures, messages, email, and other means of communication can count as a breach of trust.

It also doesn’t help that snooping may produce one of three outcomes. First, nothing is found, leaving you saddled with the guilt of invading your partner’s privacy. Second, something is discovered through improper means. This will raise questions about how you learned that information. Third, your partner finds out that you snooped and they feel that their privacy has been violated.

Spying on your partner is likely to bring more harm than good because it encourages secrecy and distrust between partners.

What to Do If You’re Feeling Nosy

When you feel a persistent urge to look through your partner’s private communications, this can say more about you and your relationship than you realize.

It’s important to ask whether your significant other’s actions warrant this breach of trust. In the event that the answer is yes, the next thing to explore is to bring your concerns to your partner about their behavior.

Start a Conversation

The first, and easiest way to deal with your urge to snoop on your partner is to start a conversation about your concerns. If your relationship is stable and healthy, you should have no issue with bringing up your anxieties to your partner.

By speaking kindly through any doubts, worries, or complaints, it’s possible you’ll be able to work through any of these challenges together before you feel a desire to snoop.

If you or your loved one have looked through the other’s phone, it isn’t too late to speak about what made either you or your partner do so. In a judgment-free setting, take a look at the environment that encouraged doubt and distrust.

To avoid a repeat, agree to proper steps to take if you notice unhealthy behaviors flare up again. Partners may also visit arelationship therapistto help with any issues in the relationship.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Pew Research Center.Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age.Laborde ND, vanDommelen-Gonzalez E, Minnis AM.Trust - that’s a big one: intimate partnership values among urban Latino youth.Cult Health Sex. 2014;16(9):1009-1022. doi:10.1080/13691058.2014.921837

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Pew Research Center.Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age.Laborde ND, vanDommelen-Gonzalez E, Minnis AM.Trust - that’s a big one: intimate partnership values among urban Latino youth.Cult Health Sex. 2014;16(9):1009-1022. doi:10.1080/13691058.2014.921837

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Pew Research Center.Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age.Laborde ND, vanDommelen-Gonzalez E, Minnis AM.Trust - that’s a big one: intimate partnership values among urban Latino youth.Cult Health Sex. 2014;16(9):1009-1022. doi:10.1080/13691058.2014.921837

Pew Research Center.Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age.

Laborde ND, vanDommelen-Gonzalez E, Minnis AM.Trust - that’s a big one: intimate partnership values among urban Latino youth.Cult Health Sex. 2014;16(9):1009-1022. doi:10.1080/13691058.2014.921837

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?