Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIntimacy, According to EriksonThe Benefits of IntimacyCausesThe Consequences of IsolationHow to Build IntimacyHow to Overcome IsolationNext in Psychosocial Development GuideGenerativity vs. Stagnation in Psychosocial Development
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Intimacy, According to Erikson
The Benefits of Intimacy
Causes
The Consequences of Isolation
How to Build Intimacy
How to Overcome Isolation
Next in Psychosocial Development Guide
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In our 20s and 30s, close relationships become more important. Dating, marriage, and romantic commitments are important, but so are friendships and other social relationships. These connections provide the social support we need to thrive, which is why establishing solidinterpersonal relationshipsis vital during young adulthood.
According to psychologistErik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, this stage represents a period he called “intimacy vs. isolation.” It marks the sixth stage of his developmental theory and spans from approximately 19 to 40 years of age. It follows identity vs. role confusion, the fifth stage.
Erikson believed that people face conflict at each major stage of life. In the intimacy vs. isolation stage, this conflict centers on relationships. When we are able to navigate this period of life successfully, we end up having fulfilling, enduring relationships. Struggling, on the other hand, can result in loneliness and isolation.
Verywell / Nusha Ashjaee
At a GlancePsychosocial conflict: Intimacy vs. isolationMajor question: “Will I be loved, or will I be alone?“Basic virtue: LoveImportant event(s):Romantic relationships
At a Glance
Psychosocial conflict: Intimacy vs. isolationMajor question: “Will I be loved, or will I be alone?“Basic virtue: LoveImportant event(s):Romantic relationships
Whereas one person might formhealthy relationshipswith romantic partners as well as a circle of friends, acquaintances, family, and others, another person might lack the ability or desire to form social connections, healthy relationships, and general social support. This is the intimacy vs. isolation conflict.
Navigating this conflict successfully fosters the intimate relationships and supportive social networks that are so vital for physical and mental health.
How Social Support Contributes to Psychological Health
Intimacy has very real benefits for mental and physical well-being. As experts often say, we’re social creatures, so having a social network of people to lean on for support, guidance, andvalidationis pivotal.
People who successfully resolve the intimacy vs. isolation conflict are able to develop:
Intimacy has also been linked to a range of health benefits. This includes lower stress levels, more healthy behaviors, fewer symptoms of depression, and lower blood pressure.
Resolving the Intimacy vs. Isolation Conflict
Intimacy requires listening to, supporting, and sharing with others in areciprocal relationship: The parties share equally.
Successful relationships entail support, intimacy, and companionship, but sometimes, things don’t go smoothly. Rejection or other responses can cause withdrawal and erode confidence, self-esteem, and courage to reach out in the future, resulting in isolation.
Relationships aren’t always easy for everyone for a number of reasons, however. Factors that can increase the likelihood of isolation include:
No matter the cause, isolation can be detrimental, causing loneliness and evendepression.
IntimacyStrong romantic relationshipsClose relationships with friends and familyStrong social support networkIsolationPoor romantic relationships that lack intimacyFew or no relationships with friends and familyWeak social support network
IntimacyStrong romantic relationshipsClose relationships with friends and familyStrong social support network
Strong romantic relationships
Close relationships with friends and family
Strong social support network
IsolationPoor romantic relationships that lack intimacyFew or no relationships with friends and familyWeak social support network
Poor romantic relationships that lack intimacy
Few or no relationships with friends and family
Weak social support network
In reality, struggling in this stage of life can leave people feeling lonely and isolated if they fail to form supportive relationships with others. Adults who struggle with this stage typically experience:
They might never share deep intimacy with their partners—or develop any relationships at all. This can be particularly difficult as their friends and acquaintances fall in love, get married, and start families. It can also lead to greater loneliness since people who have “settled down” often have less time to spend with their single, unattached friends.
Loneliness can affect overall health in other ways. For example, socially isolated people tend to have unhealthier diets, exercise less, experience more daytime fatigue, and have poorer sleep than their more social counterparts.
Loneliness and isolation can lead to a wide range of negative health consequences, including:
Loneliness and social isolation are increasingly common in the U.S. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 33% of adults report feeling lonely, and 25% say that they do not have enough social and emotional support.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
Loneliness: Causes and Health Consequences
If you are wondering how to level up your intimacy, there are things you can do to help. The key? It’s all about openness and vulnerability. Sharing time together is important, yes, but it also takes letting down your walls and letting people see the real, unfiltered you.
Some important tasks that can play a role in succeeding or struggling at this point of development include:
Importance of Sense of Self
Things learned during earlier stages of development also play a role in being able to have healthy adult relationships. For example, Erikson believed that having a fully formed sense of self (established during the previousidentity vs. role confusion stage) was essential to being able to form intimate relationships.
People with a poor sense of self tend to have less committed relationships and are more likely to experience emotional isolation, loneliness, and depression.
Such findings suggest that having a strong sense of who you are is important for developing lasting future relationships. Thisself-awarenesscan play a role in the type of relationships you forge as well as the strength and durability of those social connections.
If you are struggling with feelings of isolation, there are things that you can do to form closer relationships with other people:
Avoid Negative Self-Talk
The things we tell ourselves can have an impact on our ability to be confident in relationships, particularly if thosethoughts are negative. When you catch yourself having this type of inner dialogue, focus on replacing negative thoughts with more realistic ones.
Build Skills
Sometimespracticing social skillscan be helpful when you are working toward creating new relationships. Consider taking a course in social skill development or try practicing your skills in different situations each day.
Determine What You Like
Research suggests that factors such as mutual interests and personality similarity play important roles in friendships. Knowing your interests and then engaging in activities around those interests is one way to build lasting friendships. If you enjoy sports, for example, you might consider joining a local community sports team.
Evaluate Your Situation
What are your needs? What type of relationship are you seeking? Figuring out what you are looking for in a partner or friend can help you determine how you should go about looking for new relationships.
Practice Self-Disclosure
Being able to share aspects of yourself can be difficult, but you can get better at it through practice. Consider things you would be willing to share about yourself with others, then practice. Remember thatlistening to othersis an essential part of this interaction as well.
How to Cope With Loneliness
Takeaways
Healthy relationships are important for both your physical and emotional well-being. The sixth stage of Erikson’s psychosocial theory of development focuses on how these critical relationships are forged. Those who are successful at this stage are able to forge deep relationships and social connections with other people.
If you are struggling with forming healthy, intimate relationships, talking to a therapist can be helpful. A mental health professional can help you determine why you have problems forming or maintaining relationships and develop new habits that will help your forge these important connections.
Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation
7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Council on Aging.Why is intimacy important in older adults?Schrempft S, Jackowska M, Hamer M, Steptoe A.Associations between social isolation, loneliness, and objective physical activity in older men and women.BMC Public Health. 2019;19(1):74. doi:10.1186/s12889-019-6424-yHämmig O.Health risks associated with social isolation in general and in young, middle and old age[published correction appears in PLoS One. 2019;14(8):e0222124].PLoS One. 2019;14(7):e0219663. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0219663Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health effects of social isolation.Fitzroy AF, Kemp CL, Burgess EO.“I’m not terribly lonely”: Advancing the understanding of intimacy among older adults.J Aging Stud. 2022;61:101005. doi:10.1016/j.jaging.2022.101005Choi Y, Choi SH, Yun JY, et al.The relationship between levels of self-esteem and the development of depression in young adults with mild depressive symptoms.Medicine (Baltimore). 2019;98(42):e17518. doi:10.1097/MD.0000000000017518Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005
7 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Council on Aging.Why is intimacy important in older adults?Schrempft S, Jackowska M, Hamer M, Steptoe A.Associations between social isolation, loneliness, and objective physical activity in older men and women.BMC Public Health. 2019;19(1):74. doi:10.1186/s12889-019-6424-yHämmig O.Health risks associated with social isolation in general and in young, middle and old age[published correction appears in PLoS One. 2019;14(8):e0222124].PLoS One. 2019;14(7):e0219663. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0219663Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health effects of social isolation.Fitzroy AF, Kemp CL, Burgess EO.“I’m not terribly lonely”: Advancing the understanding of intimacy among older adults.J Aging Stud. 2022;61:101005. doi:10.1016/j.jaging.2022.101005Choi Y, Choi SH, Yun JY, et al.The relationship between levels of self-esteem and the development of depression in young adults with mild depressive symptoms.Medicine (Baltimore). 2019;98(42):e17518. doi:10.1097/MD.0000000000017518Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
National Council on Aging.Why is intimacy important in older adults?Schrempft S, Jackowska M, Hamer M, Steptoe A.Associations between social isolation, loneliness, and objective physical activity in older men and women.BMC Public Health. 2019;19(1):74. doi:10.1186/s12889-019-6424-yHämmig O.Health risks associated with social isolation in general and in young, middle and old age[published correction appears in PLoS One. 2019;14(8):e0222124].PLoS One. 2019;14(7):e0219663. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0219663Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health effects of social isolation.Fitzroy AF, Kemp CL, Burgess EO.“I’m not terribly lonely”: Advancing the understanding of intimacy among older adults.J Aging Stud. 2022;61:101005. doi:10.1016/j.jaging.2022.101005Choi Y, Choi SH, Yun JY, et al.The relationship between levels of self-esteem and the development of depression in young adults with mild depressive symptoms.Medicine (Baltimore). 2019;98(42):e17518. doi:10.1097/MD.0000000000017518Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005
National Council on Aging.Why is intimacy important in older adults?
Schrempft S, Jackowska M, Hamer M, Steptoe A.Associations between social isolation, loneliness, and objective physical activity in older men and women.BMC Public Health. 2019;19(1):74. doi:10.1186/s12889-019-6424-y
Hämmig O.Health risks associated with social isolation in general and in young, middle and old age[published correction appears in PLoS One. 2019;14(8):e0222124].PLoS One. 2019;14(7):e0219663. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0219663
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Health effects of social isolation.
Fitzroy AF, Kemp CL, Burgess EO.“I’m not terribly lonely”: Advancing the understanding of intimacy among older adults.J Aging Stud. 2022;61:101005. doi:10.1016/j.jaging.2022.101005
Choi Y, Choi SH, Yun JY, et al.The relationship between levels of self-esteem and the development of depression in young adults with mild depressive symptoms.Medicine (Baltimore). 2019;98(42):e17518. doi:10.1097/MD.0000000000017518
Campbell K, Holderness N, Riggs M.Friendship chemistry: An examination of underlying factors.Soc Sci J. 2015;52(2):239-247. doi:10.1016/j.soscij.2015.01.005
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