Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns of Insecurity in RelationshipsCauses of Insecurity in RelationshipsImpact of Insecurity in RelationshipsHow to Reduce Insecurity in Relationships

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Table of Contents

Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

Causes of Insecurity in Relationships

Impact of Insecurity in Relationships

How to Reduce Insecurity in Relationships

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Insecurity involves feeling inadequate, due to alack of self-confidence. It can cause you to doubt your abilities, instincts, and relationships, making it difficult for you to believe in yourself and trust others.

Insecurity can be a painful and difficult emotion to experience. It can take a toll on your mental health as well as your relationships.

This article explores the signs, causes, and consequences of insecurity in relationships and suggests strategies tohelp you cope.

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In romantic relationships, insecurity can drive you to unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, which can include:

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These are some of the potential causes of insecurity in relationships, according toSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City.

An Unpleasant Previous Relationship

People who have been inunhealthy relationshipswhere their partner was untrustworthy or treated them poorly, might hold onto those emotions and carry them into their new relationships.

People who have experienced this often project theirunresolved traumaoremotional baggageonto their new partner without adequate justification.

Low Self-Confidence

People withlow self-confidencemay experience insecurity in their relationships because they may not believe they are worthy of the love or support of their partner.

Low self-confidence can often be traced back to experiences like being bullied, teased, or abused in childhood. These experiences can send the message that the person is not good enough, which can affect their confidence and take a toll on their relationships.

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Neglect or Mistreatment

People who have experienced chronic neglect or mistreatment tend to have insecurities in their relationships because they have had few occasions where their needs have been adequately met.

When they do find fulfilling and healthy relationships, this might spark theirfear of loss, because love was never guaranteed or freely given in the past.

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Social Anxiety

While many people experience some degree ofsocial anxietyin situations like meetings, parties, dates, and large gatherings, some people have more severe forms that can affect theirself-confidence in relationships.

Social anxiety can cause you to be overly critical of yourself and make it difficult for you to trust your partner’s actions and intentions.

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Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection can cause people to experience insecurity in a relationship. Having low self-confidence can make some people more sensitive to rejection. Even minor setbacks or perceived slights can trigger their worst fears and insecurities.

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Below, Dr. Romanoff explains how insecurity can affect your mental health as well as your relationship with your partner.

Impact on Mental Health

Insecurity impacts your mental health because, at the core, you believe you arenot worthyor deserving of love and care. This will affect your romantic relationships as well as your relationships with your friends, co-workers, children, and family members.

Because you are constantly questioning yourself-worth, you might accept poor or abusive treatment from others, which reinforces your belief that you are unworthy based on your relationships.

Impact on Relationships

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDUltimately, insecurity works like a self-fulfilling prophecy because your fear of losing your partner can cause you to behave defensively and drive them away.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Ultimately, insecurity works like a self-fulfilling prophecy because your fear of losing your partner can cause you to behave defensively and drive them away.

How to Cope With Feeling Unwanted in a Relationship

So what can you do to stop feeling insecure in your relationships? Dr. Romanoff suggests some strategies that can help you cope andfeel more secure:

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A Word From Verywell

Living with insecurity can be painful and nerve-wracking. It can make it difficult for you to believe you are worthy of love and make it hard to function in a relationship.Not trusting your partnerand your relationship can cause you to engage in unhealthy behaviors that could cost you your relationship.

Taking the time to understand your fears, communicating openly with your partner about your feelings, and seekingprofessional helpif needed can help you combat insecurity and build a healthier relationship dynamic.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychology Association.Insecurity.Dictionary of Psychology.Weber S, Petriglieri G.To overcome your insecurity, recognize where it really comes from.Harvard Business Review.Lo CKM, Chan KL, Ip P.Insecure adult attachment and child maltreatment: a meta-analysis.Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. 2019;20(5):706-719. doi:10.1177/1524838017730579

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychology Association.Insecurity.Dictionary of Psychology.Weber S, Petriglieri G.To overcome your insecurity, recognize where it really comes from.Harvard Business Review.Lo CKM, Chan KL, Ip P.Insecure adult attachment and child maltreatment: a meta-analysis.Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. 2019;20(5):706-719. doi:10.1177/1524838017730579

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

American Psychology Association.Insecurity.Dictionary of Psychology.Weber S, Petriglieri G.To overcome your insecurity, recognize where it really comes from.Harvard Business Review.Lo CKM, Chan KL, Ip P.Insecure adult attachment and child maltreatment: a meta-analysis.Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. 2019;20(5):706-719. doi:10.1177/1524838017730579

American Psychology Association.Insecurity.Dictionary of Psychology.

Weber S, Petriglieri G.To overcome your insecurity, recognize where it really comes from.Harvard Business Review.

Lo CKM, Chan KL, Ip P.Insecure adult attachment and child maltreatment: a meta-analysis.Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. 2019;20(5):706-719. doi:10.1177/1524838017730579

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