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Infantilization is when an adult is being treated like a child, even though nothing about their mental, physical, social, or intellectual wellbeing requires such treatment.
Oftentimes, parents are guilty of this to some degree as their children are growing up, particularly when they are teenagers and trying to forge their own path.
That said, infantilization can also happen in both friendships and romantic relationships, especially if someone is trying to demonstratesuperiority.
“Infantilizing is treating someone as less than they are,” says Dr. Sherry Benton, a practicing therapist and founder of digital the mental health platformTAO Connect. “It is treating them as a child, a victim, and so forth.”
In recent years, the impacts of infantilization have been studied in nursing homes and senior centers,as well as in regard to the care given to people diagnosed with autismor mental illnesses. If someone is infantilized, it can be harmful to their self-image and confidence.
What Is Infantilizing Behavior?
First, it’s important to reiterate that this doesn’t happen only in parent-child relationships.
“This can happen in any relationship,” says Benton. “Excessive neediness can be a sign. Additionally, one person in the relationship can gaslight and leave the other feeling inadequate and incompetent.”
If you feel like you are infantilizing someone, Benton urges you to “recognize that you are hurting the other person and preventing them from growing.” When you find yourself doing any of the things listed above, she encourages you to step back, offer your support and allow the person to make their own decisions.
Why Do People Infantilize?
People can infantilize others for lots of reasons. In parent-child situations, it unfortunately often starts early.
“This is something that can start in childhood and last through adulthood,” says Benton. “Sometimes, overly controlling parents can leave a child doubting themselves and unable to make decisions and take care of themselves in the long-term.”
“Infantilization can be a way to maintain power over someone and prevent them from being a functioning adult,” says Benton.
This may even be borne of the best intentions of not wanting to see your child get hurt, but it can cause children to doubt their own decision-making skills for years to come. If you are a parent, take note of your child’s ability to make decisions and work on supporting them when they come to you instead of taking over entirely.
Consider if you are infantilizing yourself to get someone to help you with things instead of asking them directly and risking rejection. You may act like a child to be treated like one, which may feel comforting but can be limiting. Perhaps you act helpless so that others step in to do things for you, like paying your bills or solving your problems.
Infantilizing yourself may get you what you want in the short term, but it can be disempowering and prevent you from taking full responsibility for and having agency and freedom in your life.
Once you become aware you may be infantilizing yourself with your partner or friends, you can share your awareness with them to request support and accountability in changing and shifting this dynamic. It may also be helpful to seek a therapist to help you identify the underlying reasons for your pattern of infantilizing yourself with others.
7 Signs You’re Being Emotionally Manipulated in Your Relationship
Impact of Infantilization
While not everyone who has been infantilized experiences all of these issues, it’s important to recognize the potential impacts of this treatment.
Reasons for Infantilization
The simple answer is to gain control. For parents, they may have good intentions in that they want the best for their child. This can be damaging when it gets to the point of not allowing children to make their own decisions.
In romantic relationships, people who infantilize have the same goal of maintaining a sense of power in the relationship.
Coping With Being Infantilized
Not only can infantilization be harmful for someone’sself confidence, it can also cause long-term mental health setbacks. For someone that is being infantilized, the hardest part about dealing with it can be recognizing that it’s happening in the first place. “Often, it has been going on long enough to feel normal,” says Benton.
Benton suggests seeking out a therapist or counselor to talk to about the things that are concerning. If it’s coming from a parent, she also recommendsfamily therapy.
Many therapists work with their patients to recognize statements or actions that are infantilizing. Once people recognize them, it’s much easier to call them out and address them. Therapists can also work with you on effective responses and reactions.
A Word From Verywell
If you are dealing with being infantilized, it can be understandably frustrating. Know that this is is a line of thinking that you can work through in therapy.
For those that are worried that they are infantilizing someone, work to understand when you’re saying or doing things that actively take away someone else’s power. Find a therapist who can work with you to recognize these actions.
In both situations, you are more than capable of taking control and making healthy decisions for your own life.
5 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Marson SM, Powell RM.Goffman and the infantilization of elderly persons: A theory in development.Journal of Sociology & Social Welfare. 2014;XLI(4).
Stevenson JL, Harp B, Gernsbacher MA.Infantilizing autism.Disability studies quarterly : DSQ. 2011;31(3).
Vielma-Aguilera A, Bustos C, Saldivia S, Grandón P.Psychometric properties of the attitudes scale of health care professionals’ toward people with a diagnosis of mental illness (EAPS-TM).Current Psychology. Published online June 2, 2021. doi:10.1007/s12144-021-01911-4
Panferov VN, Bezgodova SA, Miklyaeva AV.Infantilization of adolescents in the digital environment. Kankhva V, ed.E3S Web of Conferences. 2021;258. doi:10.1051/e3sconf/202125807033
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