"I’m Not Good at Anything:" How to Combat Low Self-Esteem

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat “I’m Not Good at Anything” Feels LikeIdentifying the CausesHow to Cope

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What “I’m Not Good at Anything” Feels Like

Identifying the Causes

How to Cope

It’s common to think, “I’m not good at anything,” at one point or another. This thought may come to you when you are young and still trying to figure out what career you want to pursue or what your greater life purpose might be. It can come later in life, too, as you are changing career paths or feel like you aren’t living as meaningful or accomplished life as some of your peers.

Thinking “I’m not good at anything” often indicates that you are experiencing low self-esteem or self-doubt.

Some people can shake these thoughts off and move on, but it’s common to get bogged down in this thinking. If this type of thinking becomes dominant, it can be challenging to move past it. The truth is, though, that everyone is good at something, and usually, negative self-talk and low self-esteem hold people back from figuring out what that something is.

At a GlanceFeeling like you are not good at anything often stems from poor self-esteem, social comparisons, negative thinking, and the fear of trying new things. To overcome it and feel more confident in yourself and your abilities, it’s important to figure out the causes and take steps to address it. Let’s look at what “I’m not good at anything” may feel like, what may be causing these feelings, and how to cope.

At a Glance

Feeling like you are not good at anything often stems from poor self-esteem, social comparisons, negative thinking, and the fear of trying new things. To overcome it and feel more confident in yourself and your abilities, it’s important to figure out the causes and take steps to address it. Let’s look at what “I’m not good at anything” may feel like, what may be causing these feelings, and how to cope.

Press Play for Advice On What to Do When You Feel Incapable of Doing Things

Feeling like you are not good at anything indicates that you are experiencing low self-esteem and a poor self-image. Often, feelings of low self-esteem are correlated with feelings of anxiety and depression.Negative self-thoughts can impact your performance and experience at schooland workand can even negatively impact your interpersonal relationships.

Let’s take a look at how these negative thoughts are typically experienced:

Playing the Comparison Game

Harping on Past Failures

An Inability to Try New Things

Besides “I’m not good at anything,” some of the other thoughts you may be having at this time may include:

It’s important to understand that these types of thoughts are simply thoughts. They don’t necessarily express the reality of your life. They are examples of negative self-talkand usually perpetuate a cycle of more negative thoughts, piled one upon the other.

How to Stop Negative Thoughts

There are several different dynamics that might be at play that are contributing to your feeling of not being good at anything. Often, the reason someone has these thoughts is because of a combination of personality traits, upbringing, and life experiences.

Understanding what may be causing these thoughts will help you figure out how to move past them.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteemis probably the most common trigger of thinking you are not good at anything. As the American Psychological Association (APA) describes, low self-esteem has to do with how you perceive yourself.

Your self-esteem encompasses your self-image and how you view your achievements and abilities. It also reflects how you think that others perceive and respond to you.

It’s important to understand that your perception of yourself and your abilities isn’t static. You can have periods of negative self-image and times of positive self-image. In other words, self-esteem is something that can be improved.

Studies have shown that higher self-esteem and self-image can have positive impacts on life experiences.

Negative Self-Talk

It may not feel like it, but we are constantly telling stories about ourselves in our minds. Thoughts like, “I’m not good at anything” are an example ofnegative self-talk, and can have real impacts on how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and what we can pursue in life.

Studies have found that repeatedly engaging in negative self-talk can have strong effects on our mental health and can increase anxiety and depression.

There’s a silver lining here: thoughts are so powerful that trying to change negative thoughts into more positive ones can have real benefits.

For example, people whoadopt more optimistic attitudesabout life tend to experience greater physical and mental well-being and quality of life.

Relationships

The company we keep can significantly impact how we see ourselves and what we perceive to be our strengths and weaknesses. Being in a closerelationshipwith someone quick to put you down, who believes you are untalented or worthless somehow, can negatively affect your self-esteem.

Conversely, research has found that relationships with supportive, encouraging, and accepting people can boost self-esteem.The effects of this may be cumulative, too.

For example, children who are given positive messages about their self-worth are more likely to seek out relationships that are positive as teens and also as adults.

Childhood Traumas

Unfortunately, experiencingadverse childhood experiencesortraumascan have lifelong impacts on self-esteem and self-image.Studies have found this to be particularly true when it comes to household dysfunction and abuse.

Children who lived in homes with high levels of dysfunction or who experienced abuse were more likely to have lower self-esteem as grownups.

Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults

Fortunately, there are several things you can do to break the cycle of negative thinking and the idea that you are not good at anything. Here are some ideas.

Most people rely on social media to connect with others, get news, and keep up with current trends. But there’s adark side to social media, and that’s that it can negatively impact self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

People on social media often share a “curated” image of their lives, using filters in photos and picking and choosing which parts of their lives to share. That’s why it might seem like everyone is full of successes and talents.

Taking a break from social mediacan give you a chance to stop engaging in the comparison game that social media seems to encourage, and to focus on improving your own self-image, mental health, and well-being.

Learn to Accept Compliments

People who think they are not good at anything often won’t believe others when they point out what they are good at. Simply put, people with low self-esteem aren’t very good at acceptingcompliments.

If this is true of you, you might consider a little exercise. Note each time someone attempts to compliment you and see what happens if you accept it. Yes, you might initially feel that you are faking it to some extent. But if you continue accepting compliments, you might change your thinking about how others perceive you and your ability to perceive yourself in the same light.

Try Journaling

Writing downyour thoughts can be a powerful way to sort out your feelings and understand them. First, write down your thoughts and feelings to help identify them. Understanding what’s going on with you is the first step to starting to feel better.

Taking a few minutes a day to just “spill” your thoughts on the page can be therapeutic.

Keeping a gratitude journal isn’t complicated: just write down one thing you are grateful for each day. It can be something as simple as your morning coffee, or your child’s laughter. Just commit to writing it down.

Try Therapy

Therapy is a great way to work on your self-esteem and self-image. Therapy can help you better understand what is causing you to feel this way, but even more importantly, it can help you practice ways of managing your negative thoughts.

Cognitive-behavioral therapyfocuses on identifying negative thoughts, learning techniques for retraining thought patterns and adopting a more positive mindset.

Identify the Gifts That Come From Within

An impactful way to combat the thought “I’m not good at anything” is to reframe what being good at something really means. When most of us think of being good at something, we think of things like getting a high-powered job, getting into a good college, having some admired talents, or having ahappy relationshipor marriage.

But these are all outward accomplishments, and while they may be things to celebrate, they aren’t the only ways that people’s life gifts are expressed.

Your gifts may be less obvious or “showy” but are still just as meaningful. Being a good friend, a good listener, or someone who is kind and patient, are special gifts. Similarly, having lived through difficult circumstances and learning to persevere despite challenges is most definitely a gift and something to be proud of.

See what happens when you sit down and list the talents that are more inward and have to do with personality qualities that make you a good person and positive contributor to making the world a better place.

Journaling to Cope With Anxiety

Keep in Mind

“I’m not good at anything” is a very powerful statement, and if you say it often enough, you will start to believe it. But a statement like this is just a thought you are telling yourself. It comes from a place of low self-esteem and is not your reality.

Everyone on earth has something that they are good at—simply getting up in the morning and starting your day is an accomplishment in and of itself. Identifying yourtalents and strengthsmight take a while, but they are there. You owe it to yourself to do a little digging and change your mindset to think more positively about your self-worth.

Why It’s Important to Have High Self-Esteem

13 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Self-esteem.Nguyen D, Wright E, Dedding C, Pham T, Bunders J.Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: A cross-sectional study.Frontiers in Psychiatry. 2019;10:698. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698Arshad M, Zaidi S, Mahmood K.Self-esteem and academic performance among university students.Journal of Education and Practice. 2015;6(1):156-162.Krauss S, Orth U.Work experiences and self-esteem development: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.European Journal of Personality. 2021. doi:10.1177/08902070211027142Don B, Girme Y, Hammond M.Low Self-Esteem Predicts Indirect Support Seeking and Its Relationship Consequences in Intimate Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2019;45(7). doi:10.1177/0146167218802837Kertz S, Koran J, Stevens K, Björgvinsson T.Repetitive negative thinking predicts depression and anxiety symptom improvement during brief cognitive behavioral therapy.Behaviour Research and Therapy. 2015;68:54-63. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2015.03.006Du H, King RB, Chi P.Self-esteem and subjective well-being revisited: The roles of personal, relational, and collective self-esteem.PLoS One. 2017;12(8):e0183958. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0183958Conversano C, Rotondo A, Lensi E, Della Vista O, Arpone F, Reda M.Optimism and its impact on mental and physical well-being.Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health. 2010;6:25-29. doi:10.2174/1745017901006010025American Psychological Association.Positive relationships boost self-esteem, and vice versa.AlShawi A, Lafta R.Relation between childhood experiences and adults' self-esteem: A sample from Baghdad.Qatar Medical Journal. 2014;2. doi:10.5339/qmj.2014.14Vogel E, Rose J, Roberts L, Eckles K.Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem.Psychology of Popular Media Culture. 2014;3(4):206–222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047Kille D, Eibach R, Wood J, Holmes J.Who can’t take a compliment? The role of construal level and self-esteem in accepting positive feedback from close others.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2017;68:40-49. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2016.05.003Bartlett M, Valdesolo P, Arpin S.The paradox of power: The relationship between self-esteem and gratitude. Journal of Social Psychology. 2020;160(1):27-38. doi:10.1080/00224545.2019.1601609Additional ReadingMaldonado L, Huang Y, Chen R, Kasen S, Cohen P, Chen H.Impact of Early Adolescent Anxiety Disorders on Self-Esteem Development From Adolescence to Young Adulthood. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2013;53(2):P287-292. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2013.02.025

13 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.APA Dictionary of Psychology.Self-esteem.Nguyen D, Wright E, Dedding C, Pham T, Bunders J.Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: A cross-sectional study.Frontiers in Psychiatry. 2019;10:698. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698Arshad M, Zaidi S, Mahmood K.Self-esteem and academic performance among university students.Journal of Education and Practice. 2015;6(1):156-162.Krauss S, Orth U.Work experiences and self-esteem development: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.European Journal of Personality. 2021. doi:10.1177/08902070211027142Don B, Girme Y, Hammond M.Low Self-Esteem Predicts Indirect Support Seeking and Its Relationship Consequences in Intimate Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2019;45(7). doi:10.1177/0146167218802837Kertz S, Koran J, Stevens K, Björgvinsson T.Repetitive negative thinking predicts depression and anxiety symptom improvement during brief cognitive behavioral therapy.Behaviour Research and Therapy. 2015;68:54-63. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2015.03.006Du H, King RB, Chi P.Self-esteem and subjective well-being revisited: The roles of personal, relational, and collective self-esteem.PLoS One. 2017;12(8):e0183958. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0183958Conversano C, Rotondo A, Lensi E, Della Vista O, Arpone F, Reda M.Optimism and its impact on mental and physical well-being.Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health. 2010;6:25-29. doi:10.2174/1745017901006010025American Psychological Association.Positive relationships boost self-esteem, and vice versa.AlShawi A, Lafta R.Relation between childhood experiences and adults' self-esteem: A sample from Baghdad.Qatar Medical Journal. 2014;2. doi:10.5339/qmj.2014.14Vogel E, Rose J, Roberts L, Eckles K.Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem.Psychology of Popular Media Culture. 2014;3(4):206–222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047Kille D, Eibach R, Wood J, Holmes J.Who can’t take a compliment? The role of construal level and self-esteem in accepting positive feedback from close others.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2017;68:40-49. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2016.05.003Bartlett M, Valdesolo P, Arpin S.The paradox of power: The relationship between self-esteem and gratitude. Journal of Social Psychology. 2020;160(1):27-38. doi:10.1080/00224545.2019.1601609Additional ReadingMaldonado L, Huang Y, Chen R, Kasen S, Cohen P, Chen H.Impact of Early Adolescent Anxiety Disorders on Self-Esteem Development From Adolescence to Young Adulthood. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2013;53(2):P287-292. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2013.02.025

APA Dictionary of Psychology.Self-esteem.Nguyen D, Wright E, Dedding C, Pham T, Bunders J.Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: A cross-sectional study.Frontiers in Psychiatry. 2019;10:698. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698Arshad M, Zaidi S, Mahmood K.Self-esteem and academic performance among university students.Journal of Education and Practice. 2015;6(1):156-162.Krauss S, Orth U.Work experiences and self-esteem development: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.European Journal of Personality. 2021. doi:10.1177/08902070211027142Don B, Girme Y, Hammond M.Low Self-Esteem Predicts Indirect Support Seeking and Its Relationship Consequences in Intimate Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2019;45(7). doi:10.1177/0146167218802837Kertz S, Koran J, Stevens K, Björgvinsson T.Repetitive negative thinking predicts depression and anxiety symptom improvement during brief cognitive behavioral therapy.Behaviour Research and Therapy. 2015;68:54-63. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2015.03.006Du H, King RB, Chi P.Self-esteem and subjective well-being revisited: The roles of personal, relational, and collective self-esteem.PLoS One. 2017;12(8):e0183958. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0183958Conversano C, Rotondo A, Lensi E, Della Vista O, Arpone F, Reda M.Optimism and its impact on mental and physical well-being.Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health. 2010;6:25-29. doi:10.2174/1745017901006010025American Psychological Association.Positive relationships boost self-esteem, and vice versa.AlShawi A, Lafta R.Relation between childhood experiences and adults' self-esteem: A sample from Baghdad.Qatar Medical Journal. 2014;2. doi:10.5339/qmj.2014.14Vogel E, Rose J, Roberts L, Eckles K.Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem.Psychology of Popular Media Culture. 2014;3(4):206–222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047Kille D, Eibach R, Wood J, Holmes J.Who can’t take a compliment? The role of construal level and self-esteem in accepting positive feedback from close others.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2017;68:40-49. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2016.05.003Bartlett M, Valdesolo P, Arpin S.The paradox of power: The relationship between self-esteem and gratitude. Journal of Social Psychology. 2020;160(1):27-38. doi:10.1080/00224545.2019.1601609

APA Dictionary of Psychology.Self-esteem.

Nguyen D, Wright E, Dedding C, Pham T, Bunders J.Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: A cross-sectional study.Frontiers in Psychiatry. 2019;10:698. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698

Arshad M, Zaidi S, Mahmood K.Self-esteem and academic performance among university students.Journal of Education and Practice. 2015;6(1):156-162.

Krauss S, Orth U.Work experiences and self-esteem development: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.European Journal of Personality. 2021. doi:10.1177/08902070211027142

Don B, Girme Y, Hammond M.Low Self-Esteem Predicts Indirect Support Seeking and Its Relationship Consequences in Intimate Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2019;45(7). doi:10.1177/0146167218802837

Kertz S, Koran J, Stevens K, Björgvinsson T.Repetitive negative thinking predicts depression and anxiety symptom improvement during brief cognitive behavioral therapy.Behaviour Research and Therapy. 2015;68:54-63. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2015.03.006

Du H, King RB, Chi P.Self-esteem and subjective well-being revisited: The roles of personal, relational, and collective self-esteem.PLoS One. 2017;12(8):e0183958. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0183958

Conversano C, Rotondo A, Lensi E, Della Vista O, Arpone F, Reda M.Optimism and its impact on mental and physical well-being.Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health. 2010;6:25-29. doi:10.2174/1745017901006010025

American Psychological Association.Positive relationships boost self-esteem, and vice versa.

AlShawi A, Lafta R.Relation between childhood experiences and adults' self-esteem: A sample from Baghdad.Qatar Medical Journal. 2014;2. doi:10.5339/qmj.2014.14

Vogel E, Rose J, Roberts L, Eckles K.Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem.Psychology of Popular Media Culture. 2014;3(4):206–222. doi:10.1037/ppm0000047

Kille D, Eibach R, Wood J, Holmes J.Who can’t take a compliment? The role of construal level and self-esteem in accepting positive feedback from close others.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2017;68:40-49. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2016.05.003

Bartlett M, Valdesolo P, Arpin S.The paradox of power: The relationship between self-esteem and gratitude. Journal of Social Psychology. 2020;160(1):27-38. doi:10.1080/00224545.2019.1601609

Maldonado L, Huang Y, Chen R, Kasen S, Cohen P, Chen H.Impact of Early Adolescent Anxiety Disorders on Self-Esteem Development From Adolescence to Young Adulthood. Journal of Adolescent Health. 2013;53(2):P287-292. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2013.02.025

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At a Glance#

Press Play for Advice On What to Do When You Feel Incapable of Doing Things#

Playing the Comparison Game#

Harping on Past Failures#

An Inability to Try New Things#

Low Self-Esteem#

Negative Self-Talk#

Relationships#

Childhood Traumas#

Take a Social Media Break#

Learn to Accept Compliments#

Try Journaling#

Try Therapy#

Identify the Gifts That Come From Within#

Keep in Mind#