If Receiving Gifts Is Their Love Language, Try ‘Pebbling’

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsPebbling as a Love LanguagePebbling as a Neurodivergent ExpressionHow to Pebble: Ideas and InspirationPebbling for Different People in Your Life

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Pebbling as a Love Language

Pebbling as a Neurodivergent Expression

How to Pebble: Ideas and Inspiration

Pebbling for Different People in Your Life

Nothing turns around a bad day more than an unexpected gift from your friend or significant other. Whether it’s your favorite snack, a warm and tight hug, or a meme that makes you laugh out loud, these out-of-the-blue gestures—aka “pebbling”—are just what you need on your off days.

Pebbling may be pop culture’s latest obsession (thank you, TikTok) but it’s a romantic interaction practiced for decades…just not in humans. See, the idea of pebbling comes from how penguins interact romantically. They find the smoothest, most perfect pebble and give it to their mate to signify they’ve been thinking of them.

Little Luxuries Can Make a Big Difference for Your Mental Health

If you’ve scrolled through TikTok or Instagram lately, you’ve probably already stumbled across pebbling—a trend that’s about giving your friends or partners the little things. While the term might be new, the idea behind it isn’t. See, we sort of stole this idea from penguins. Pebbling is how penguins show love. A penguin will search high and low for the perfect pebble and offer it to a potential mate. It’s like a proposal but cuter.

Pebbling refers to when you give small tokens of affection to someone you care about. It’s not necessarily big gifts, but even a flower, small rock, or anything. It basically shows ‘I saw this and thought of you.’—AMY MARSCHALL, PSYD, A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND VERYWELL MIND REVIEW BOARD MEMBER.

—AMY MARSCHALL, PSYD, A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND VERYWELL MIND REVIEW BOARD MEMBER.

Pebbling can be both romantic and platonic. In romantic relationships, however, pebbling consists of giving small, thoughtful gifts or tokens representing love, care, or attention. They are usually not about the value but more about the thought and emotion attached to them.

What Does Pebbling Look Like?

Chances are you’ve seen pebbling in action, whether in pop culture or IRL. Think of Smith shaving his head with Samantha while she battled breast cancer in “Sex and the City.” Or, Meredith and Cristina having a dance-it-out moment whenever tragedy struck in “Grey’s Anatomy” (IYKYK). You’ve pebbled if you’ve ever left a Post-It note with a goofy doodle on the bathroom mirror for your roomie to find or bought a little keepsake you knew your friend would like.

Why Is Everyone Pebbling Right Now?So, what’s with this newfound obsession with pebbling? It could be because we’re living in a time when everything feels so big, loud, and sometimes just too much. We’relooking for ways to connectthat feel authentic and manageable. Pebbling doesn’t require an expensive gift or a grand speech. It’s about recognizing everyday things we can do to make someone’s life a little brighter without the pressure of making it a big deal.

Why Is Everyone Pebbling Right Now?

So, what’s with this newfound obsession with pebbling? It could be because we’re living in a time when everything feels so big, loud, and sometimes just too much. We’relooking for ways to connectthat feel authentic and manageable. Pebbling doesn’t require an expensive gift or a grand speech. It’s about recognizing everyday things we can do to make someone’s life a little brighter without the pressure of making it a big deal.

Research shows that neurodivergent folks, specificallypeople on the autism spectrum, struggle with expressing their attraction and interest in someone because they lack certain social skills.

“Everyone receives and expresses affection in different ways,” says Marschall. “For some neurodivergent folks, verbal expression can be challenging, so they might prefer to use a gesture like pebbling.” If you struggle with expressing your love and care through words, pebbling might be the perfect solution for you.

How Pebbling Works as a Nonverbal Love Language

On a surface level, pebbling refers to the millennial dating trend of sharing seemingly trivial mementos or inside jokes to build emotional intimacy steadily. Silly memes, nostalgic songs, private anecdotes—basically the modern version of passing handwritten love notes back in the day, saysDr. Daniel Glazer, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of UK Therapy Rooms.

But what’s really intriguing is that pebbling traces its origins back to the neurodivergent community. “For some neurodivergent people, affection is expressed with these little gifts/pebbles rather than with words,” Marschall adds.

Studies show that adults on the autism spectrum generally dislike auditory communication like phone calls or FaceTime and prefer other forms of communication including emails, face-to-face interactions, text messages, and letters.For many on the autism spectrum, gifting physical tokens like love letters, pebbles, or cherished trinkets can help forge connections without needing spoken words.

What Are the 5 Neurodivergent Love Languages?

Using Pebbling to Communicate Your Love and Care Nonverbally

With pebbling, you get to show your loved ones you’re thinking of them without needing the “right” words or grand gestures. Giving your siblings and friends small, seemingly insignificant gifts could mean a lot more to them than you ever realize.

Pebbling works greatly because it’s simple and frees you of the many typical social expectations around showing affection, which can be confusing or overwhelming for neurodivergent people.

That’s not to say pebbling is the only or the best way for neurodivergent people to show affection—just like neurotypical people have different expressions of love, so do neurodivergent folks!

“A neurotypical person could pebble too if they preferred to express love and affection” through actions over words, adds Marschall. It’s just that giving a small sentimental gift or bonding over a shared interest can be an easier way to express love and care than words.

Pebbling is one of the easiest ways to show affection to anyone, from your siblings to your romantic partner. Here are some tips and creative ideas to get you started.

Nothing’s Too Small

Don’t overthink a pebble. The minute you catch yourself doing that, you’re overthinking it. You can grab a silly postcard that catches your eye from that storefront near your job or buy your friend a donut or scone while you’re getting your morning coffee. You could even gift a literal pretty pebble you found to your sibling who collects stones. It’s unexpected, it’s simple, and it’s bound to make them smile.

Make It Personal

Know your audience when picking out a pebble (not a literal one, lol). If you have a friend who loves plants (and has transformed their house into a little greenhouse), you could repot a clipping from your favorite succulent, place it in a quirky little container, and surprise them with it. Thesesmall, thoughtful gesturesdon’t just show you care for them; they show you really see them.

Pebbling can be as simple or creative as you’d like, saysNiloufar Esmaeilpour, a registered clinical counselor and founder of Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre. It may mean leaving your favorite snack on someone’s desk, texting them to say you’re thinking of them, or giving them some little object that reminds you of an inside joke and shared experience.

ReminderThe idea is that these gestures are personal and thoughtful; they show you know and appreciate the small things about the person you’re pebbling.

Reminder

The idea is that these gestures are personal and thoughtful; they show you know and appreciate the small things about the person you’re pebbling.

Pebbles Are Everywhere

As stated, you’re pebbling wrong if you’re thinking too hard about it. Use the everyday things you already know about the people you love to gift them. It could be anything, from their favorite coffee order to a simple but sweet text message. It’s the thought that counts.

Pebbling isn’t a one-size-fits-all sort of thing. It should be tailored to whoever you have in mind. For a close friend, you probably already know what makes them laugh or smile. Find a way to bring those details into your pebbling.

Pebbling Romantically and Platonically

People find pebbling romantic partners even more effortless. You could surprise them with a movie night and the first film you watched together. Or leave a love note somewhere unexpected, like in their shoe. For a family member, you canrecreate a fond memorylike cooking a favorite meal from your shared childhood, or digging out an old photo and writing a note about why that moment was special.

Pebbling works for all kinds of moments, from birthdays and anniversaries to random Wednesdays. And if it’s just a regular day? That’s the best time to pebble.

A surprise “I was thinking of you” gesture when a person least expects it can be the most meaningful of all.

Final Words

So, what is pebbling, again? It’s a love language, a trend, and a small way to meaningly connect with your loved ones. Let’s take a cue from our favorite tuxedo-wearing birds and show care in small but thoughtful ways. Pebbling also doesn’t require much more than a bit of creativity and a genuine desire to make someone feel special. It’s a simple yet powerful way to slow down and connect with the people who matter most.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Beato A, Sarmento MR, Correia M.Experiencing intimate relationships and sexuality: a qualitative study with autistic adolescents and adults.Sex Disabil. 2024;42(2):439-457. doi:10.1007/s11195-024-09838-xHoward PL, Sedgewick F. ‘Anything but the phone!’: Communication mode preferences in the autism community.Autism. 2021;25(8):2265-2278. doi:10.1177/13623613211014995

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Beato A, Sarmento MR, Correia M.Experiencing intimate relationships and sexuality: a qualitative study with autistic adolescents and adults.Sex Disabil. 2024;42(2):439-457. doi:10.1007/s11195-024-09838-xHoward PL, Sedgewick F. ‘Anything but the phone!’: Communication mode preferences in the autism community.Autism. 2021;25(8):2265-2278. doi:10.1177/13623613211014995

Beato A, Sarmento MR, Correia M.Experiencing intimate relationships and sexuality: a qualitative study with autistic adolescents and adults.Sex Disabil. 2024;42(2):439-457. doi:10.1007/s11195-024-09838-xHoward PL, Sedgewick F. ‘Anything but the phone!’: Communication mode preferences in the autism community.Autism. 2021;25(8):2265-2278. doi:10.1177/13623613211014995

Howard PL, Sedgewick F. ‘Anything but the phone!’: Communication mode preferences in the autism community.Autism. 2021;25(8):2265-2278. doi:10.1177/13623613211014995

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What Does Pebbling Look Like?#

Why Is Everyone Pebbling Right Now?#

How Pebbling Works as a Nonverbal Love Language#

Using Pebbling to Communicate Your Love and Care Nonverbally#

Nothing’s Too Small#

Make It Personal#

Reminder#

Pebbles Are Everywhere#

Pebbling Romantically and Platonically#

Final Words#