I Don't Want to Grow Up: What Should I Do About That?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsExplanationsWhat to DoWhen to Be ConcernedHow to Get Help

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Explanations

What to Do

When to Be Concerned

How to Get Help

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What we didn’t picture was getting tired in the middle of the afternoon, being bogged down with responsibilities, and having to eat our veggies to keep our bodies healthy. In addition to these daily inconveniences, it doesn’t help that reaching many of the milestones of adulthood is more challenging than ever before. For example, buying a house is much more difficult today than it was for previous generations—especially without help from parents.

At a GlanceIf you think growing up sounds like a lousy thing to do, you’re far from alone. However, just because many people feel this way doesn’t mean it’s conducive to a good or functional life. Ahead, we’ll examine why a person might feel like they don’t want to grow up, then look at some solutions to make being a mature adult a little bit easier.

At a Glance

If you think growing up sounds like a lousy thing to do, you’re far from alone. However, just because many people feel this way doesn’t mean it’s conducive to a good or functional life. Ahead, we’ll examine why a person might feel like they don’t want to grow up, then look at some solutions to make being a mature adult a little bit easier.

How to Be More Mature

Reasons Someone Might Not Want to Grow Up

There’s no one main reason that any person feels like they don’t want to grow up, but there are some commons ones. These are a few examples of why someone may be hesitant to grow up.

A Lack of Good Adult Role Models

Not having solid role models can negatively affect adolescent behavior. By the same token, having good role models can have a positive impact on youth behavior.

If you don’t have the opportunity to witness how wonderful life as an adult can be, and you see only negative examples of adulthood, it’s understandable that you don’t feel great about the idea of growing up.

And while you might not have realized when you were young that you didn’t have solid role models, it still may have affected your view of adulthood in important ways.

Adulting Isn’t Always Fun

Even if you have a career you love and are passionate about, work can be challenging—and sometimes it just doesn’t feel fun. It can also not feel fun to have to schedule your own appointments, to go to the dentist, to work throughtherapy, or to be a parent yourself and have to take care of others.

The fact that being a grown-up isn’t always the great time we all hoped it would be can make a person feel like they just don’t want any part in it. This may seem a little silly to those adults who are very responsible and love it, but it’s a valid feeling.

We’re programmed to seek new experiences, which in turn makes us happier as people—and being an adult, performing the same duties day in and day out can feel pretty repetitive and mundane.

Being Alone Is Scary

As an adult, though, you may find yourself completely solitary,especially if you live aloneand don’t have a social job that involves working much with other people.

Being alone can feel scary, and it can make a person want to revert to younger days, when they were around friends more. It can also be much more challenging to make friends as an adult, or to find other people who alsotake part in hobbies you enjoy.

Childhood Trauma

Dealing with abuse, neglect, or otherchildhood traumacan age you before your time. You might not have had good adult role models, but even if you did, trauma can make growing up feel particularly unappealing.

Undergoing childhood trauma at the hands of adults can lead to confusion about the roles adults have in the lives of children, too. Also, children who experience trauma often feel like adults before they’re of legal age, so it makes sense they aren’t looking forward to adulthood when they do technically get there.

Aging Is Considered Unattractive

Our society is incredibly youth-focused. Twenty-something actors are often cast as parents to teenagers, who are themselves also twenty-something actors.

News outlets share photos of celebrities getting older in a way thatage shamesthem, as if it was a crime to age.

We talk about people being “over the hill” and “put out to pasture” as if older folks have less value than young ones. Who wants to move from a young person to an older one, knowing that? It makes sense that the ageism in our society leads people to not want to grow up.

Fear of Death

A fear of death is calledthanatophobia. While it’s perfectly normal to have some fear of death or dying, getting preoccupied with the idea can lead you to worry about getting older or growing up.

Everyone will eventually die, but that fact shouldn’t affect your life. After all, you’re alive right now!

The more you fixate on being afraid to die, the more it might be intimidating to grow up. Growing up is synonymous with getting older, which bring you closer to the eventual inevitability of death.

What to Do When You Don’t Want to Grow Up

Now that you understand some of the reasons why a person might not want to grow up, let’s look at some action steps that might help give you better feelings about being an adult.

Keep Healthy Elements of Youthfulness

There’s no rule book that says you have to give up everything about being young. In fact, members of Gen X, who are in their 40s and 50s now, are notorious for not dressing like adults. Many have tattoos, or colored hair, as well.

You can absolutely continue expressing yourself in the manner that feels best to you, even if you’re an adult. Adulthood is about your actions more than it’s about your appearance.

So, if your hesitancy of growing up is centered around you not being able to express yourself, you should be aware that as an adult, you get to dictate that yourself—and you can be as youthful as you want to be, while still being responsible and mature.

Focus On the Joyful Parts Of Adulthood

Sure, there are certainly difficult parts of growing up, but there are some pretty amazing ones, too. Getting to stay up late talking with a friend, spontaneously going out for ice cream, or taking yourself out to see live music are just a few examples of things adults can do on their own that kids cannot.

By focusing on the positive parts of adulthood rather than just the negative ones, you canreframeyourattitude. And once you do, growing up might not seem all that bad after all!

Discover the Beauty of Personal Growth

It may feel safe to be a child, but there is so much to be said for how proud you can feel when you experience self-growth.

You can choose to grow in ways that directly affect other people, such as choosing to embark on ananti-racism journey. Or you can begin agratitudepractice, keeping tabs about what in your life you’re grateful for. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can look atself-help booksto decide what path feels right for you.

Press Play for Mental Strength Tips

If you are experiencing such symptoms, it is important to talk to a doctor or mental health professional about how you are feeling. They can evaluate your symptoms, make a diagnosis, and recommend treatments that can help (which might involve psychotherapy, medication, and/or lifestyle changes).

In some cases, avoiding growing up can take a severe toll on a person’s life, relationships, and ability to function. Sometimes referred to as “Peter Pan syndrome,” such tendencies can lead to emotional immaturity and excessive dependence on others.

This can harm relationships and may lead to struggles with substance use and unemployment.

If you are struggling to deal with the expectations and responsibilities of adulthood, there are things you can do to get help. Talking to a mental health professional is a great place to start.

A therapist can work with you to develop coping skills to help you manage the things you find the most stressful about being a grown-up. Instead of avoiding these tasks, you’ll be able to tackle them effectively without feeling overly stressed.

Examples of healthy coping strategies that can help you deal with the challenges of being an adult include:

Establishing ahealthy work-life balancecan also be beneficial. Managing the stresses of adulthood is that much harder when it feels like your work life is encroaching on your personal life.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries to separate your work and home life can give you the time and space you need to do things that bring you peace and joy.

Keep in Mind

Growing up can be incredibly daunting. Know that you aren’t alone in having difficulties on this topic, and that there are many different avenues you can take to get yourself on the path of becoming a happy adult.

Doing things that help you feel young, focusing on the joyful aspects of adulthood, and staying on a path of self-discovery can help make being a grown-up more joyful. If you’re still struggling, talk to a mental health professional about things you can do to manage the stresses of adult life.

Healthy Coping Skills for Uncomfortable Emotions

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University.How many young homebuyers get support from their parents and how much of a difference does it make?.Atif H, Peck L, Connolly M, et al.The impact of role models, mentors, and heroes on academic and social outcomes in adolescents.Cureus. 2022;14(7):e27349. doi:10.7759/cureus.27349Heller AS, Shi TC, Ezie CEC, et al.Association between real-world experiential diversity and positive affect relates to hippocampal-striatal functional connectivity.Nat Neurosci. 2020;23(7):800-804. doi:10.1038/s41593-020-0636-4Colich NL, Rosen ML, Williams ES, McLaughlin KA.Biological aging in childhood and adolescence following experiences of threat and deprivation: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Psychol Bull. 2020;146(9):721-764. doi:10.1037/bul0000270Dimitroff LJ, Sliwoski L, O’Brien S, Nichols LW.Change your life through journaling–The benefits of journaling for registered nurses.JNEP. 2016;7(2):p90. doi:10.5430/jnep.v7n2p90

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University.How many young homebuyers get support from their parents and how much of a difference does it make?.Atif H, Peck L, Connolly M, et al.The impact of role models, mentors, and heroes on academic and social outcomes in adolescents.Cureus. 2022;14(7):e27349. doi:10.7759/cureus.27349Heller AS, Shi TC, Ezie CEC, et al.Association between real-world experiential diversity and positive affect relates to hippocampal-striatal functional connectivity.Nat Neurosci. 2020;23(7):800-804. doi:10.1038/s41593-020-0636-4Colich NL, Rosen ML, Williams ES, McLaughlin KA.Biological aging in childhood and adolescence following experiences of threat and deprivation: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Psychol Bull. 2020;146(9):721-764. doi:10.1037/bul0000270Dimitroff LJ, Sliwoski L, O’Brien S, Nichols LW.Change your life through journaling–The benefits of journaling for registered nurses.JNEP. 2016;7(2):p90. doi:10.5430/jnep.v7n2p90

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University.How many young homebuyers get support from their parents and how much of a difference does it make?.Atif H, Peck L, Connolly M, et al.The impact of role models, mentors, and heroes on academic and social outcomes in adolescents.Cureus. 2022;14(7):e27349. doi:10.7759/cureus.27349Heller AS, Shi TC, Ezie CEC, et al.Association between real-world experiential diversity and positive affect relates to hippocampal-striatal functional connectivity.Nat Neurosci. 2020;23(7):800-804. doi:10.1038/s41593-020-0636-4Colich NL, Rosen ML, Williams ES, McLaughlin KA.Biological aging in childhood and adolescence following experiences of threat and deprivation: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Psychol Bull. 2020;146(9):721-764. doi:10.1037/bul0000270Dimitroff LJ, Sliwoski L, O’Brien S, Nichols LW.Change your life through journaling–The benefits of journaling for registered nurses.JNEP. 2016;7(2):p90. doi:10.5430/jnep.v7n2p90

Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University.How many young homebuyers get support from their parents and how much of a difference does it make?.

Atif H, Peck L, Connolly M, et al.The impact of role models, mentors, and heroes on academic and social outcomes in adolescents.Cureus. 2022;14(7):e27349. doi:10.7759/cureus.27349

Heller AS, Shi TC, Ezie CEC, et al.Association between real-world experiential diversity and positive affect relates to hippocampal-striatal functional connectivity.Nat Neurosci. 2020;23(7):800-804. doi:10.1038/s41593-020-0636-4

Colich NL, Rosen ML, Williams ES, McLaughlin KA.Biological aging in childhood and adolescence following experiences of threat and deprivation: A systematic review and meta-analysis.Psychol Bull. 2020;146(9):721-764. doi:10.1037/bul0000270

Dimitroff LJ, Sliwoski L, O’Brien S, Nichols LW.Change your life through journaling–The benefits of journaling for registered nurses.JNEP. 2016;7(2):p90. doi:10.5430/jnep.v7n2p90

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