It involves suppressing naturalautistic traitsand behaviors while adopting neurotypical social norms and communication styles, often as a way to avoid negative social consequences associated with being visibly autistic.
Common examples of autism masking include:
While masking can help autistic individuals navigate social situations more smoothly in the short term, it often comes with significant consequences.
The constant effort to suppress one’s true self can lead to exhaustion,burnout, and mental health challengessuch as anxietyand depression. Masking may also contribute to identity issues, as individuals struggle to connect with their authentic selves.
In some cases, effective masking can even result indelayed or missed autism diagnoses, especially forgirls and womenwho tend to be more adept at camouflaging.
Unmasking allows for a more authentic sense of self and can foster deeper, moregenuine relationships. It may also reduce cognitive and emotional burden, freeing up energy for more fulfilling pursuits and self-care.
Unmasking, or embracing one’s autistic identity, can offer numerous benefits. It can lead to improved mental health and well-being, as individuals no longer expend energy hiding their true selves.
By unmasking, autistic individuals can contribute to greater autism awareness and acceptance, promoting a more diverse and inclusive society that values neurodiversity.
Below are some ways in which you can help start your unmasking journey:
Notice your masking behaviors
Paul fromAutism From The Insideexplains, “The first step to slowly safely taking the mask off is to find out for yourself who you are and what you want when you’re alone.”
This involves exploring and accepting aspects of yourself that you might usually hide, including your sensitivities, needs for isolation, or unique interests.
Start paying attention to times when you may say something or force an expression that does not feel natural, such as agreeing with opinions you do not agree with or laughing along when everyone else does.
It can be helpful to write down your masking behaviors in a journal and then tackle each one at a time.
For example, I may notice that I often force eye contact during conversations, although this feels uncomfortable for me.
In my journal, I can now ask myself the following questions:
I can write in my journal the following:
Explore the authentic ‘you’
It can be common, especially for people who have masked for most of their lives,to have identity issuesand not know who their real self is.
Finding out the real ‘you’ is something that might take a lot of time and be a continuous process on your unmasking journey.
Below are some questions you can reflect on while you are learning who you are:
As you come to live your life more authentically, you may drop things that do not align with you and pick up new things that do.
I came to realize that Ihad friendswho did not share my values, and I would either not voice my real opinions or try to ignore the fact that we were not compatible as friends.
As time has gone on, I have tried to distance myself from people who do not align with my values and try to put more energy into those who do, even if this means forming connections with new people who help bring authenticity out of me.
Try unmasking experiments
Dr. Devon Price, author of ‘Unmasking Autism‘ emphasizes that unmasking isn’t about instantly “taking off a mask” to reveal a fully-formed authentic self. Instead, it’s a gradual journey of rediscovery. He suggests thinking of it as adjusting a filter, slowly letting more of your authentic self show over time.
To begin unmasking, try out the following unmasking experiment:
Repeat this for the masking behaviors that you wish to drop or reduce. It is crucial to remember that unmasking is a personal journey and may look different for everyone.
Some individuals may choose to unmask in certain settings or with specific people, while others may feel comfortable unmasking more broadly.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries is a crucial step in unmasking autism, allowing you to honor your authentic needs and reduce the pressure to conform to neurotypical expectations.
Here are some specific boundaries you might set:
By consistently setting and maintaining these boundaries, you create a more comfortable environment for yourself, reduce stress, and conserve energy that might otherwise be spent on masking.
This practice encourages others to respect your autistic traits and needs, ultimately supporting your journey towards living more authentically.
Explain if you need to
If you are in a social situation and you want to drop your masking behaviors, it might be helpful to explain to others what you are doing and why.
This does not mean that you need to tell them that you are autistic if you do not want to disclose that, but you could say the following:
By offering these explanations, you can help others understand your behaviors and needs, fostering better communication and reducing potential misunderstandings as you unmask.
Use masking when you need to
According to Dr. Devon Price unmasking is not simply about removing all masks and being completely unfiltered. Instead, it’s about learning to use masking strategically and intentionally.
Price acknowledges that sometimes masking is necessary or even helpful. He mentions that for some groups, like Black autistic individuals, masking can be “life-saving.”
He also suggests being selective with masking. The goal is not to completely stop masking, but to learn when it’s safe and beneficial to be more authentically yourself.
While masking can be useful, Price also notes that being more authentic can sometimes lead to better outcomes.
He gives an example of how this might look in practice: In a medical setting, he found that allowing himself to be more vulnerable and direct about his needs (less masked) resulted in better care. However, he chose not to explicitly disclose hisautism diagnosis, illustrating how unmasking can be selective and strategic.
The goal is to make conscious choices about when to mask or unmask, always keeping in mind personal values and well-being.
Consider disclosing your diagnosis
Disclosing your diagnosis is a personal choice, but in some instances, it can help with your unmasking journey.
I have found that when I mention to certain people that I am autistic, I feel I can be more myself around them. While this may not work for everyone (only people I feel safe around), I’ve found that this disclosure helps break down that barrier for me.Most people I have told have been very understanding and have asked interesting and respectful questions and it has opened up exciting discussions.I’ve found that people are also more open to sharing about themselves when I am honest with them. As someone who has a strong interest in the brain and human behavior, I really enjoy getting into these conversations!
Dr Devon Price explains that it’s important to be selective about who you are vulnerable with. He suggests looking at people’s behavior to determine if they deserve to have your full disclosure.
If you decide to tell someone about your diagnosis, you could also explain to them what masking is and how you engage in these behaviors.
Megan Griffith, a neurodivergent life coach, suggests explaining to loved ones what masking is, why you did it, and how things might change as you unmask. This makes it easier to actually unmask around them.
Accept that some people may not like the unmasked you
Katie, who was diagnosed as autistic in adulthood, explains “As you unmask, it gets a lot easier to see who is genuine with you and who isn’t… because unmasking typically repels all the people who only want the masked you.”
Imagine you are friends with someone, but they have only known the masked version of yourself.
Your masked behaviors around them are that you use the same mannerisms as them, agree with all of their opinions, and portray yourself as a bubbly, optimistic person.
As you start to gradually reduce those masked behaviors and live more authentically, your friend is likely to notice these changes. How they respond to the unmasked version of you is their choice.
Some people might be surprised but happy that you are being true to yourself. Others might dislike that you have changed.
Some individuals might not like that you are no longer agreeing with everything they say or that you are setting boundaries.
Megan Griffith, a neurodivergent life coach explains that, “The key to unmasking is getting in touch with who you truly are and accepting that you cannot control other people’s reactions to that true self.”
It can be tempting to fall back into unhealthy masking behaviors for fear of losing someone. But try to remember that if they are not accepting of the real you, then they are probably not a true friend.
Find a neurodivergent community for support
Neurodivergent communities can provide valuable support throughout the unmasking process, aiding in self-discovery and acceptance.
Dr. Devon Price encourages joining neurodivergent communities, particularly on social media platforms. He explains that connecting with other neurodivergent people can trigger memories and realizations about your authentic self before masking.
He finds comfort in socializing with other neurodivergent individuals, creating spaces where he can forget about being perceived as “weird” in the wider world.
Below are some ways in which you can find supportive communities:
Review your progress
Paul fromAutism From The Insideexplains that while initially dropping the mask and showing your authentic autistic self can feel vulnerable; it ultimately leads to a sense of empowerment.
As discussed, unmasking certain behaviors is a continuous and gradual process, so it might be helpful to reflect on how far you have come.
A tip to do this is to make a list of what your ‘Masked Self‘ looks like, and then compare that with what your ‘Unmasked Self‘ looks like.
I will complete this exercise for myself in the table below as an example:
My ‘Masked Self’My ‘Unmasked Self’Attending group social events to fit inMeeting friends one-on-one and enjoying alone timeDressing in a way to not draw attention to myselfExperimenting with different styles to find something that I enjoyKeeping quiet in situations where people are sharing opinionsVoicing more of my own opinions even if they differ to othersTrying to suppress stimming and fidgeting in publicKeeping something in my bag to fidget with if I need itDrinking alcohol in social situations to appear more sociable and relaxedLimiting alcohol intake or choosing not to drink at all in social situations
Try to complete this exercise every 6 months or so to review your progress. It can be helpful to write down and visibly see your progress because you might not feel that you have made that many positive changes until you actually sit and think about it.
You can also use this opportunity to write down some goals for the next 6 months but remember not to pressure yourself to fully drop the masking behavior as it can take a long time to unlearn something.
References
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M. C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions.Journal of autism and developmental disorders,47, 2519-2534.https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-017-3166-5
Price, D. (2022).Unmasking autism: discovering the new faces of neurodiversity(First edition.). Harmony Books.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education
Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.
