Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsCausesPathological vs. CompulsiveHow to Deal With a Compulsive Liar
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Signs
Causes
Pathological vs. Compulsive
How to Deal With a Compulsive Liar
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We alltell liesoccasionally. The average person tells two lies a day.However, some people tell several lies a day as a way of coping with various social situations.Compulsive liars are people who have very little control over their tendency to use lying as a coping skill, saysAimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist. “They may lie to manage social situations or meet their own psychological needs of safety, security, or belonging.”For instance, a compulsive liar may tell a quick lie to avoid discomfort or make up something to make them seem more desirable, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, and professor at Yeshiva University. “There are usually themes in their lies, such as: they are heroic, they have a lot of accomplishments, or they are deserving of sympathy.”We asked the experts how to deal with compulsive liars and they recommended encouraging the person to get professional help, while alsosetting boundariesin your relationship with them to protect yourself.This article explores the signs and causes of compulsive lying and suggests some strategies to help you deal with someone in your life who is a compulsive liar.Signs of a Compulsive LiarThese are some of thesigns that someone is lying, according to Dr. Romanoff:Telling stories with extensive details to make them seem more realAppearing anxious while speakingFrequently changing their storySaying one thing but doing anotherBeing vague when questionedBecomingdefensivewhen confronted with inconsistencies in their storySometimes, it can be difficult to tell when someone is lying and you just have to wait and see whether their words are proven to be untrue, says Dr. Daramus. “If you know them well, you may recognize a tone of voice or body posture that tells you they’re lying, but many times you just have to wait it out.”Causes of Compulsive LyingSome people lie compulsively out of habit, whereas others do it due to a mental health disorder.Mental Health Conditions and Compulsive LyingAccording to Dr. Daramus, people who lie compulsively may do so because they have a mental health condition such as:Personality disordersAnxiety disordersObsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)Substance use disorderTraumaHowever, it’s important to note that everyone who lies compulsively doesn’t necessarily have a mental health condition and everyone who has these mental health conditions isn’t necessarily a compulsive liar.Lying as a Coping SkillMany people who lie compulsively use it as acopingskill, because it protected them or solved a problem, perhaps when they were very young, says Dr. Daramus. “So, if someone is a compulsive liar, they’ve probably had to handle some tough situations where lying helped them cope or kept them safe.”A 2016 study notes that the brain gets accustomed to dishonesty.The researchers studied participants’ brains to see what happens when they lie and found that the more someone lies, the easier it becomes for them to tell bigger, more frequent lies.What Is a Pathological Liar vs. Compulsive Liar?Lying pathologically is not quite the same as lying compulsively. Below, Dr. Romanoff explains the difference betweenpathological liarsand compulsive liars:Compulsive lying:Compulsive liars often lie out of habit, because it comes easily to them. They often lie in low-stakes situations where there is little to gain, beyond basic social impression management. These lies cause little immediate harm but erode trust over time.Pathological lying:Pathological liars are often motivated to lie for personal gain, to harm others, or to the detriment of those they deceive.Why Most People Lie to Their Therapist (And Why You Should Tell the Truth)How to Deal With a Compulsive LiarThe experts shared some strategies that can help you deal with compulsive liars.Don’t Take It PersonallyWhen you realize someone is lying to you, you may find yourself wondering what you did wrong or whether your behavior has anything to do with it.However, it’s important to avoid taking the person’s liespersonallyand remember that their compulsion to lie reflects more on them than it does on you, says Dr. Romanoff.Explain How Their Lies Are Affecting YouIf you do catch the person in a lie, try not to get frustrated and get into a back and forth of pulling for the truth, says Dr. Romanoff.Instead, talk to them and let them know how their lies are affecting you. For example, you could say:“I was angry and upset when I found out you lied to me.”“If you lie to me, it’s difficult for me to rely on you to get this done.”“It’s hard for me to trust that you’re telling me the truth now.”Encourage Them to Get HelpEncourage the person to see amental healthcare providerwho can help them understand why they’re lying, diagnose whether they have an underlying mental disorder, and help them develop healthier coping mechanisms.You can make your connection with them contingent on their getting therapy with a trained professional, says Dr. Daramus.Set Boundaries With ThemDr. Daramus recommendssetting boundarieswith the person to protect yourself.Depending on your relationship with the person, you could say:“I don’t want our relationship to be based on lies. I can only be your friend/partner if you tell me the truth.”“I will have to terminate your employment if I find out you’ve lied to me again.”Although, if the person’s compulsion to lie is strong, the boundary may not be effective and you may find that they’re continuing to lie to you, despite the threat that you’ll walk away from the relationship, says Dr. Daramus.Aimee Daramus, PsyDThere may come a point when you need to think through your boundaries and end your relationship with them.How to Stop Lying
We alltell liesoccasionally. The average person tells two lies a day.However, some people tell several lies a day as a way of coping with various social situations.
Compulsive liars are people who have very little control over their tendency to use lying as a coping skill, saysAimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist. “They may lie to manage social situations or meet their own psychological needs of safety, security, or belonging.”
For instance, a compulsive liar may tell a quick lie to avoid discomfort or make up something to make them seem more desirable, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, and professor at Yeshiva University. “There are usually themes in their lies, such as: they are heroic, they have a lot of accomplishments, or they are deserving of sympathy.”
We asked the experts how to deal with compulsive liars and they recommended encouraging the person to get professional help, while alsosetting boundariesin your relationship with them to protect yourself.
This article explores the signs and causes of compulsive lying and suggests some strategies to help you deal with someone in your life who is a compulsive liar.
Signs of a Compulsive Liar
These are some of thesigns that someone is lying, according to Dr. Romanoff:
Sometimes, it can be difficult to tell when someone is lying and you just have to wait and see whether their words are proven to be untrue, says Dr. Daramus. “If you know them well, you may recognize a tone of voice or body posture that tells you they’re lying, but many times you just have to wait it out.”
Causes of Compulsive Lying
Some people lie compulsively out of habit, whereas others do it due to a mental health disorder.
Mental Health Conditions and Compulsive Lying
According to Dr. Daramus, people who lie compulsively may do so because they have a mental health condition such as:
However, it’s important to note that everyone who lies compulsively doesn’t necessarily have a mental health condition and everyone who has these mental health conditions isn’t necessarily a compulsive liar.
Lying as a Coping Skill
Many people who lie compulsively use it as acopingskill, because it protected them or solved a problem, perhaps when they were very young, says Dr. Daramus. “So, if someone is a compulsive liar, they’ve probably had to handle some tough situations where lying helped them cope or kept them safe.”
A 2016 study notes that the brain gets accustomed to dishonesty.The researchers studied participants’ brains to see what happens when they lie and found that the more someone lies, the easier it becomes for them to tell bigger, more frequent lies.
What Is a Pathological Liar vs. Compulsive Liar?
Lying pathologically is not quite the same as lying compulsively. Below, Dr. Romanoff explains the difference betweenpathological liarsand compulsive liars:
Why Most People Lie to Their Therapist (And Why You Should Tell the Truth)
The experts shared some strategies that can help you deal with compulsive liars.
Don’t Take It Personally
When you realize someone is lying to you, you may find yourself wondering what you did wrong or whether your behavior has anything to do with it.
However, it’s important to avoid taking the person’s liespersonallyand remember that their compulsion to lie reflects more on them than it does on you, says Dr. Romanoff.
Explain How Their Lies Are Affecting You
If you do catch the person in a lie, try not to get frustrated and get into a back and forth of pulling for the truth, says Dr. Romanoff.
Instead, talk to them and let them know how their lies are affecting you. For example, you could say:
Encourage Them to Get Help
Encourage the person to see amental healthcare providerwho can help them understand why they’re lying, diagnose whether they have an underlying mental disorder, and help them develop healthier coping mechanisms.
You can make your connection with them contingent on their getting therapy with a trained professional, says Dr. Daramus.
Set Boundaries With Them
Dr. Daramus recommendssetting boundarieswith the person to protect yourself.
Depending on your relationship with the person, you could say:
Although, if the person’s compulsion to lie is strong, the boundary may not be effective and you may find that they’re continuing to lie to you, despite the threat that you’ll walk away from the relationship, says Dr. Daramus.
Aimee Daramus, PsyDThere may come a point when you need to think through your boundaries and end your relationship with them.
Aimee Daramus, PsyD
There may come a point when you need to think through your boundaries and end your relationship with them.
How to Stop Lying
2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Curtis DA, Hart CL.Pathological lying: theoretical and empirical support for a diagnostic entity.Psychiatr Res Clin Pract. 2020;2(2):62-69. doi:10.1176/appi.prcp.20190046Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Curtis DA, Hart CL.Pathological lying: theoretical and empirical support for a diagnostic entity.Psychiatr Res Clin Pract. 2020;2(2):62-69. doi:10.1176/appi.prcp.20190046Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Curtis DA, Hart CL.Pathological lying: theoretical and empirical support for a diagnostic entity.Psychiatr Res Clin Pract. 2020;2(2):62-69. doi:10.1176/appi.prcp.20190046Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426
Curtis DA, Hart CL.Pathological lying: theoretical and empirical support for a diagnostic entity.Psychiatr Res Clin Pract. 2020;2(2):62-69. doi:10.1176/appi.prcp.20190046
Garrett N, Lazzaro SC, Ariely D, Sharot T.The brain adapts to dishonesty.Nat Neurosci. 2016;19(12):1727-1732. doi:10.1038/nn.4426
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