How to Tell If You're In a One-Sided Relationship

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a One-Sided Relationship?SignsCausesEffectsHow to Change ItWhen to End the Relationship

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is a One-Sided Relationship?

Signs

Causes

Effects

How to Change It

When to End the Relationship

Close

And while one-sided relationships don’t necessarily mean one person is being taken advantage of, they often indicate a problem in communication or compatibility between two people.

It’s possible that one partner may not feel as strongly about the relationship as the other, or maybe one party isn’t sure exactly how they feel about it yet.

This article discusses the characteristics of one-sided relationships, what causes them, and what you should do if you find yourself in this type of relationship.

At a GlanceBeing in a one-sided relationship can leave you feeling resentful, insecure, and lonely. If you recognize that you are in this type of unequal relationship, it is important to do an honest assessment of the situation, discuss your options, and decide if the relationship isworth saving.Ultimately, a one-sided relationship isn’t healthy for either person involved. While change is possible, it is important to be able to recognize the signs that it is time to cut ties and move on.

At a Glance

Being in a one-sided relationship can leave you feeling resentful, insecure, and lonely. If you recognize that you are in this type of unequal relationship, it is important to do an honest assessment of the situation, discuss your options, and decide if the relationship isworth saving.Ultimately, a one-sided relationship isn’t healthy for either person involved. While change is possible, it is important to be able to recognize the signs that it is time to cut ties and move on.

Being in a one-sided relationship can leave you feeling resentful, insecure, and lonely. If you recognize that you are in this type of unequal relationship, it is important to do an honest assessment of the situation, discuss your options, and decide if the relationship isworth saving.

Ultimately, a one-sided relationship isn’t healthy for either person involved. While change is possible, it is important to be able to recognize the signs that it is time to cut ties and move on.

A one-sided relationship can be defined as an imbalanced interpersonal relationship where one person invests more energy or where one person wields more control. This imbalance can be one of many factors, such as one person beingmore committedor more interested in the relationship.

In a healthy, balanced relationship, you know you can depend on the other person and where you stand with them. A mutual, equal relationship provides stability and security.

“The most important thing is how your relationship makes you feel. A loving equitable relationship with shared values and commitment should make you feel safe, loved, confident, connected, understood, and secure,” saysAmy Mezulis, PhD, co-founder and chief clinical officer of Joon.

In a one-sided relationship, one person is doing most of the work, whether it is financially, physically, emotionally, or mentally. In a romantic relationship, this might involve one person initiating most of the communication, planning most of the shared activities, or taking care of most of the duties that the couple should share equally.

Recap

Signs of a One-Sided Relationship

One-sided relationships can come in a variety of forms. It might involve your relationship with your partner, but it can also involveother interpersonal relationshipsincluding those with parents, friends, and co-workers.

In one-sided relationships, you’re likely to feel anxious, empty, lonely, misunderstood, insecure, or afraid to rock the boat. How your relationship makes you feel is the most important red flag.—AMY MEZULIS, PHD, CO-FOUNDER AND CHIEF CLINICAL OFFICER, JOON

In one-sided relationships, you’re likely to feel anxious, empty, lonely, misunderstood, insecure, or afraid to rock the boat. How your relationship makes you feel is the most important red flag.

—AMY MEZULIS, PHD, CO-FOUNDER AND CHIEF CLINICAL OFFICER, JOON

Some of the signs of a one-sided relationship to watch for include:

Other common red flags, Mezulis notes, include frequently worrying about the relationship, feeling like you cannot be your true self, and craving more connection but feeling like you just have to accept what they give.

In a one-sided relationship, one partner leads almost every aspect of the relationship. This includes what activities you engage in together and when these activities take place. This can also be seen in friendships or between people who are dating.

Because of this imbalance, the person doing all the work often feels resentful, which can be emotionally and physically draining.  If you think your relationship may be one-sided, it’s important to look at whether or not both parties are equally invested in the relationship.

RecapSigns that you might be in a one-sided relationship include imbalances in communication, emotional investment, finances, and other aspects of the relationship.

Signs that you might be in a one-sided relationship include imbalances in communication, emotional investment, finances, and other aspects of the relationship.

What to Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Appreciate You

One-Sided Relationship Causes

Sometimes relationships are imbalanced because one person is manipulative or toxic. In other cases, however, a variety of factors can contribute to a relationship becoming one-sided.

Poor Communication Skills

Insecurity

One person is afraid of losing the relationship if they don’t take care of everything themselves. This leads to them taking on an imbalanced share of responsibility in the relationship.

Conflicting Expectations

Each person brings their own set of ideas about what a relationship means and what they hope to get out of it. If you are more committed and dedicated to the relationship than your partner is, it is bound to feel one-sided.

Individual Problems

Attachment Styles

Attachment stylescan play a role in how people behave in adult romantic relationships.For example, a person with an anxious attachment style may worry that the other person does not feel as strongly as they do.

This can lead to one partner becoming clingy and enmeshed in the relationship while the other tries to get away from it as best as possible. In romantic relationships, this type of behavior often leads one person to become emotionally dependent.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

One example of this is a phenomenon that has been dubbed “weaponized incompetence” in which one partner feigns an inability to perform basic tasks.In doing so, they shift the burden of responsibility onto their partner. It is a form ofpassive-aggressive behaviorthat can contribute to one-sided relationships.

RecapA number of factors can contribute to a one-sided relationship. Past experiences, mental health issues, insecurity, and poor communication skills can all play a role.

A number of factors can contribute to a one-sided relationship. Past experiences, mental health issues, insecurity, and poor communication skills can all play a role.

Impact of a One-Sided Relationship

One-sided relationships can be extremelytoxic, particularly if one person is intentionally taking advantage of the other. Some of the damaging effects of this type of relationship include:

How to Change a One-Sided Relationship

Mezulis says that your choice is to change aspects of the situation or find a way to tolerate it. However, it is essential to remember that you can only change or control your own behavior and not that of others.

Communicate Your Needs

Try asking yourself questions about the relationship. For instance, is this person consistent in their behavior across all of their relationships, or is this one-sided behavior in the relationship specific to yours? Is this a person who you feel comfortable sharing your needs and feelings with? How do they receive feedback?

Mezulis notes that sometimes one-sided relationship stem from a lack of communication and clarity about expectations, hopes, and feelings.

If you feel you are more committed to this relationship or more invested in terms of time, energy, or effort, communicating that clearly to your partner is the first step in potential resolution.—AMY MEZULIS, PHD, CO-FOUNDER AND CHIEF CLINICAL OFFICER, JOON

If you feel you are more committed to this relationship or more invested in terms of time, energy, or effort, communicating that clearly to your partner is the first step in potential resolution.

Assess what you are giving to the relationship and what you are receiving and not receiving. What you would like to receive, and what are your boundaries around what you can and cannot accept?

It’s important to have an honest and open conversation with your partner about feelings, needs, and boundaries. Request specific changes or greater consideration, recognizing your requests may or may not be met as you cannot change another person.

Change Your Behaviors

Adjusting your behaviors can also play a part in shifting the balance of your relationship. “Trying to change the imbalance in a relationship through our own behaviors may include changing our behaviors to those that better align with our own values,” Mezulis explains.

“That may alter some dynamics. It may limit the scope of the relationship to less shared time/investment, but it may also create space for the other person to step up their commitment,” Mezulis says.

Consider Couples Therapy

Couples therapymay be helpful in such situations. Through therapy, the partner who is contributing less can learn new skills that may help them function more effectively and contribute more to the relationship.

For partners who are carrying the weight of the relationship on their own, therapy can help them address some of the reasons why they have taken on this burden. It can also help them address any issues withcodependencythat might be playing a role in them taking on too much. Therapy can also help people to develop communication skills so they can better explain what they need and expect.

Ultimately, it is important to understand that you cannot change someone who is unwilling or unable to contribute and be a supportive partner.

RecapOne-sided relationships can be repaired, but it requires both people to start making an equal contribution and investment in the relationship.

One-sided relationships can be repaired, but it requires both people to start making an equal contribution and investment in the relationship.

When to End a One-Sided Relationship

Ending a relationship can often be challenging, but eventually, you may reach your breaking point or recognize that the other person is not willing to contribute to the relationship in an acceptable way. Some signs that it might be time to end a one-sided relationship include:

Because of the nature of a one-sided relationship, attempts to end the relationship might be met with resistance once the non-contributing person realizes that their source of support is leaving. Remind yourself about the reasons why you are leaving and find support from friends, family, or a therapist.

RecapIf a one-sided relationship is affecting your mental or physical health, you need to take action to protect your well-being. If the other person is not willing to listen and won’t try to change their behavior, you should seriously consider ending the relationship and moving on.

If a one-sided relationship is affecting your mental or physical health, you need to take action to protect your well-being. If the other person is not willing to listen and won’t try to change their behavior, you should seriously consider ending the relationship and moving on.

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3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Simpson JA, Rholes WS.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Sandberg J.The art of showing pure incompetence at an unwanted task.The Wall Street Journal.Hostinar CE.Recent developments in the study of social relationships, stress responses, and physical health.Curr Opin Psychol. 2015;5:90-95.  doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.05.004

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Simpson JA, Rholes WS.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Sandberg J.The art of showing pure incompetence at an unwanted task.The Wall Street Journal.Hostinar CE.Recent developments in the study of social relationships, stress responses, and physical health.Curr Opin Psychol. 2015;5:90-95.  doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.05.004

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Simpson JA, Rholes WS.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006Sandberg J.The art of showing pure incompetence at an unwanted task.The Wall Street Journal.Hostinar CE.Recent developments in the study of social relationships, stress responses, and physical health.Curr Opin Psychol. 2015;5:90-95.  doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.05.004

Simpson JA, Rholes WS.Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:19-24. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006

Sandberg J.The art of showing pure incompetence at an unwanted task.The Wall Street Journal.

Hostinar CE.Recent developments in the study of social relationships, stress responses, and physical health.Curr Opin Psychol. 2015;5:90-95.  doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.05.004

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