I’ve seen many relationships whereone person abuses substancesand the other partner has no idea how to deal with or provide support. Here are some typical situations that I see in my practice:
In cases like this and many others, people are aware that their partner has issues with substance use, but has no idea how to approach them about it. They are worried that their partner will be hurt, angry, defensive, or outright deny that there is an issue. It can be very hard to start a conversation about a sensitive topic in general, and even more so if you’ve been angrily dismissed about this topic multiple times in the past.
Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.Learn more
Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.
Couples Therapy Online
Strengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.
Learn more
Addressing Substance Abuse Head On
What should you do instead?Use direct, kind, and straightforward language. Treat your partner with empathy and compassion, and whether or not you have struggled with substance use yourself, imagine the way that you would want to be treated in your partner’s position.
Starting the Conversation About Substance Abuse
Here are some examples of how to begin a conversation about your partner’s substance use:
If you can use “us” or “we” language, that can help your partner feel like you are both on a team together, working together on the problem of substance use. This is in direct contrast to a paradigm that pits you against your partner, and leaves them feeling defensive and closed down. You can suggest AA/NA, individual therapy, or rehab to your partner based on their individual preferences and needs, but if you get no traction with this, you can also suggestcouples counseling, which may help you and your partner have a safe space to talk about substance use together.
Don’t just ignore it and hope for the best if you know that your partner struggles with substance abuse. Having an open conversation is the first step toward getting your partner the help they need, and to getting you the relationship that you want and deserve.
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