​​How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Alcohol Use

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns Your Partner Has a Problem With Alcohol UseHow to Talk to Your Partner About Their Alcohol UseHow to Take Care of Yourself

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs Your Partner Has a Problem With Alcohol Use

How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Alcohol Use

How to Take Care of Yourself

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance dependence or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are struggling with substance dependence or addiction, contact theSubstance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helplineat1-800-662-4357for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If your partner’sdrinking habitsare concerning you, you may be feeling the need to discuss it with them but may not know what to say. It can be difficult to figure out the right way to broach the subject without upsetting them or offending them.

This article lists some signs that your partner has a problem with alcohol use and suggests some strategies that can help you discuss the issue with them. Verywell Mind interviewedMacKenzie Peltier, PhD, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine who specializes in substance use, for her expertise.

Dr. Peltier says these are some of the signs that your partner may have a problem with alcohol use according to the mental health diagnostic manual, theDiagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5):

Alcohol Use Disorder Diagnostic CriteriaDepending on how many of these symptoms your partner has experienced in the past year, a healthcare provider can determine whether they havealcohol use disorderand how severe it is:Mild alcohol use disorder:2 to 3 symptomsModerate alcohol use disorder:4 to 5 symptomsSevere alcohol use disorder:6 or more symptoms

Alcohol Use Disorder Diagnostic Criteria

Depending on how many of these symptoms your partner has experienced in the past year, a healthcare provider can determine whether they havealcohol use disorderand how severe it is:Mild alcohol use disorder:2 to 3 symptomsModerate alcohol use disorder:4 to 5 symptomsSevere alcohol use disorder:6 or more symptoms

Depending on how many of these symptoms your partner has experienced in the past year, a healthcare provider can determine whether they havealcohol use disorderand how severe it is:

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Below, Dr. Peltier shares some strategies that can help you talk to your partner about their alcohol use:

MacKenzie Peltier, PhDIt can often feel frustrating or hopeless when you see your partner struggling. Being positive and supportive can help foster helpful conversation and promote change.

MacKenzie Peltier, PhD

It can often feel frustrating or hopeless when you see your partner struggling. Being positive and supportive can help foster helpful conversation and promote change.

Being with a partner who may have an alcohol use disorder can be difficult and stressful. A 2016 study notes that partners of people with alcohol use disorder often experience intensephysical, psychological, and social trauma.

You may sometimes feel like there are two versions of your partner: the sober version and the inebriated version. You may enjoy spending time with your partner when they are sober but feel stressed, anxious, scared, or upset when they are drinking.

You may even find that you’re shouldering more and more responsibility because they are unable to do so. This can make you feel angry and frustrated with your partner.

MacKenzie Peltier, PhDIt’s important to evaluate your own health and emotional well-being at this time.

It’s important to evaluate your own health and emotional well-being at this time.

Amental health providercan be a great source of support and help you navigate stressful situations, says Dr. Peltier. Additionally, she says it can be helpful to join a support group for partners or family members of substance users, as they offer understanding, advice, and other resources to navigate this difficult situation.

Furthermore, if you ever feel unsafe, it is important to reach out and seek help, says Dr. Peltier.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

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5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.Alcohol use in the United States.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Results from the 2019 national survey on drug use and health.

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.Understanding alcohol use disorder.

Schuckit MA, Clarke DF, Smith TL, Mendoza LA.Characteristics associated with denial of problem drinking among two generations of individuals with alcohol use disorders.Drug Alcohol Depend. 2020;217:108274. doi:10.1016/j.drugalcdep.2020.108274

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