How to Talk to Your Kids About School Shootings

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsImpact on Children’s Mental HealthImpact on Parent’s Mental HealthTalking to Your Kids

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Impact on Children’s Mental Health

Impact on Parent’s Mental Health

Talking to Your Kids

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School shootings came to the forefront of our attention after the Columbine shooting in 1999. Over the past several years,school shootingshave become more frequent and more deadly.

Although many schools have increased security protocols, including hiring armed guards and having police presence on campus, there is no evidence that these measures have increased student safety.In fact, increased police and security presence in schools increases risks for harm andracismagainst Black students and other students of color rather than improving safety.This is ironic since the majority of school shooters are white males.

Similarly, although students report feeling more prepared for a shooting following drills, there is no evidence that lockdown drills have made students safer when shootings occur.

Most schools regularly conduct lockdown drills during which students simulate hiding from an active shooter. These drills can be scary and stressful for young children as they act out what they would have to do if their lives were in danger.

Children can struggle emotionally to handle the idea that the adults in charge might be unable to keep them safe, and they may have questions or big feelings about these events. Many parents feel confused or nervous abouthow to talk about these issues with their children.

This article discusses the impact school shootings have on kids' mental health, on parents, and how to broach the subject with your child depending on their age. You’ll also find a list of resources for further help and information.

How to Identify and Prevent School Violence

How School Shootings Impact Children’s Mental Health

By this definition, children who were present during a school shooting have experienced trauma.

The DSM-5-TR furthermore indicates thattraumatic eventscan occur in one of four ways:

It’s important to note that the criteria listed above specificallyexcludelearning about traumatic events through television or other media. Historically, secondary or vicarious trauma has been primarily applied to people who work in the helping professions; nevertheless, researchers are also studying the impact that indirect exposure to trauma can have.

School Shootings Lead to Collective TraumaBy this definition, the trauma of a school shooting extends not only to the students in the school, but to their families, other loved ones, andthe rest of the community.

School Shootings Lead to Collective Trauma

By this definition, the trauma of a school shooting extends not only to the students in the school, but to their families, other loved ones, andthe rest of the community.

Almost a quarter of a million children were physically present during a school shooting from 2010-2020, and children living in communities that have experienced a school shooting have higher rates ofdepression,need for therapy services, and use ofantidepressant medication.

These communities have higher rates of youth suicide immediately following the shooting and on the anniversary in subsequent years, as well as higher rates of PTSD compared to other communities.

How School Shootings Impact Parent’s Mental Health

The increased prevalence of school shootings has also impacted parents' and guardians' mental health. Parents might experience fear for their children’s safety due to the risk that a shooting could occur at their child’s school.

Address Your Feelings Before Speaking to Your ChildParents need to address their own feelings around a school shooting before bringing this topic up with their children. Seek support from your friends and loved ones, talk through your own feelings, and make sure that you havecoping skills and self-regulationin place to be a stable resource for your children.

Address Your Feelings Before Speaking to Your Child

Parents need to address their own feelings around a school shooting before bringing this topic up with their children. Seek support from your friends and loved ones, talk through your own feelings, and make sure that you havecoping skills and self-regulationin place to be a stable resource for your children.

Parents should also be cognizant of their news and media consumption. It can be tempting to keep scrolling or keep reading after you have taken in the necessary information, but this is not healthy or productive. Remember that it is OK to disengage if you are not gaining useful information.

How ‘Doomscrolling’ Impacts Your Mental Health—and How to Stop

Bethany Rafferty, MS, MHC, shared several important tips for talking to your kid about shootings. This can be a difficult or scary topic because parents and guardians are often unsure what to say.

Of course, each child’s age and developmental level impact what an appropriate conversation looks like, but some things that are generally good to keep in mind include:

Elementary School

According to Rafferty, you must let your child’s age guide how you steer conversations about school shootings with your child. Elementary-age children tend to thinkconcretelyand literally, so keep this in mind when talking with them.

Help them create a list of safe adults they can go to when they have a big feeling or when more questions arise, as well ascoping skills. Rafferty recommends focusing on their strengths, including “Who they are now and who they are becoming…It will help them identify their strengths and build a sense ofself-efficacy.”

Middle School

According to Rafferty, “Middle schoolers are really looking for a sense ofcontrolas they are coming into themselves.”

This means that they are developing their sense of self, but it also puts them at risk of consuming misinformation or seeking control in ways that can be harmful to others, like spreading rumors or lashing out in an effort to protect themselves.

Help them identify safe and healthy ways to explore their identity andfeel in controlof their environment. Make sure they know what behaviors are OK and not OK without shaming them.

High School

Rafferty recommends encouraging teens to use their voices to make changes. “Encourage [them] to write to their elected officials." Rafferty acknowledges that doing so can instill a sense of control and give them something specific to do with their feelings at the moment.

High schoolerslikely understand what happened and have learned the details from social media or other internet sources on their own. In this case, the adults supporting them can focus the conversation on the teen’s feelings and emotional needs, with less need to explain what happened.

ResourcesIf you are looking for more support and resources to help navigate these difficult conversations, the organizations listed below might help:American Psychological AssociationCenter for Child CounselingChild Mind InstituteChildren’s Hospital ColoradoThe National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement

Resources

If you are looking for more support and resources to help navigate these difficult conversations, the organizations listed below might help:American Psychological AssociationCenter for Child CounselingChild Mind InstituteChildren’s Hospital ColoradoThe National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement

If you are looking for more support and resources to help navigate these difficult conversations, the organizations listed below might help:

Gun Violence and Mental Illness: Understanding Links and Misconceptions

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Modzeleski W, Randazzo MR.School threat assessment in the USA: Lessons learned from 15 years of teaching and using the federal model to prevent school shootings.Contemp School Psychol. 2018;22(2):109-115. doi:10.1007/s40688-018-0188-8

Turner EO, Beneke AJ.‘Softening’ school resource officers: The extension of police presence in schools in an era of Black Lives Matter, school shootings, and rising inequality.Race Ethnicity and Education. 2020;23(2):221-240. doi:10.1080/13613324.2019.1679753

Schildkraut J, Nickerson AB.Ready to respond: Effects of lockdown drills and training on school emergency preparedness.Victims & Offenders. 2020;15(5):619-638. doi:10.0.4.56/15564886.2020.1749199

American Psychiatric Association.Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR); 2022. doi:10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

The Professional Counselor.Trauma redefined in the DSM-5: Rationale and implications for counseling practice.

Comstock C, Platania J.The role of media-induced secondary traumatic stress on perceptions of distress.American International Journal of Social Science. 2017;6(1).

Rossin-Slater M, Schnell M, Schwandt H, Trejo S, Uniat L.Local exposure to school shootings and youth antidepressant use.Proc Natl Acad Sci USA. 2020;117(38):23484-23489. doi:10.1073/pnas.2000804117

Health Affairs.After school shootings, children and communities struggle to heal. 2019. doi:10.1377/forefront.20190717.855810

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