Having a loved one with social anxiety can impact relationships and make things challenging.
When someone is struggling with social anxiety, everyday social interactions can evoke overwhelming fear and distress, leading to avoidance behaviors and feelings of isolation.
When I was struggling with social anxiety disorder (SAD), I felt like a shell of a person with myfight or flightconstantly being activated.
Having a supportive network, though, can make a world of difference. Friends, family members, and partners who offer understanding, patience, and encouragement can help ease the burden of social anxiety and provide vital emotional support.
This article will explore strategies and tips for effectively supporting someone with social anxiety. This should empower you to provide the understanding and encouragement they need to thrive!
1. Be patient and understanding
Actively listeningand acknowledging feelings is key when supporting someone. It was certainly one of the things I valued the most when people were trying to help me overcome my SAD fears.
It is incredibly easy to fall back on old habits, especially at the beginning, so having someone be patient with you allows the space to work at a comfortable pace.
So, avoid rushing or pressuring them to progress faster than they are comfortable with. Instead, offer unconditional support,empathy, and reasonable reassurance as they face their fears and work towards building confidence in social situations.
Understand that setbacks and relapses are normal parts of the process and provide encouragement to help them stay motivated. By demonstrating patience and understanding, you can create a safe and supportive environment that fosters healing and growth.
Lastly, if I could go back and advise my loved ones on what to do, here are 3 tips I would tell them:
2. Learn about social anxiety
Educating yourself about social anxiety is crucial to providing effective support to your loved one. For example, you can take the time to learn about the symptoms, triggers, and challenges associated with social anxiety.
Understanding the condition will help you empathize with what your loved one is experiencing and recognize when they may be struggling.
Try researching reputable sources, such asbooks,articles, andonline resources, to gain insights into the nature of social anxiety and the varioustreatment optionsavailable.
Additionally, consider attending informational workshops or support groups for families and friends of individuals with social anxiety.
By educating yourself about social anxiety, you will be better equipped to offer meaningful support and encouragement to your loved one on their journey towards recovery.
3. Encourage open communication about emotions
Creating a safe space for your loved one to express their feelings without judgment is essential for supporting them through their struggles with social anxiety. For example, encourage them toshare their emotions openlyand without fear of criticism or ridicule.
Let them know that it is okay to cry or express themselves in whatever way feels natural to them. Instead of asking why they are anxious, try focusing on asking how they are feeling and what physical sensations they may be experiencing.
This approach allows them to explore their emotions without feeling pressured to justify or explain them.
By fostering open communication about emotions, you can help your loved one feel heard, understood, and supported as they navigate their journey with social anxiety.
4. Roleplay social interactions
Reflecting ahead of time on topics to discuss or preparing a few icebreakers or questions can help ease anxiety.
But keep it light and flexible. The key is balance – having a general idea of what to say but not being rigidly attached to it.
With social anxiety, the goal is to gradually learn to trust yourself in social interactions, not to perfect them. Embrace the imperfect, spontaneous nature of social interactions as youbuild confidence.
There are a few reasons why extensively practicing or rehearsing what to say before a social interaction may not be the most effective approach for someone with social anxiety:
Engaging in some roleplay scenarios may provide a safe and controlled environment for your loved one to practice social skills and coping strategies.
Offer to act out various social situations with them, allowing them to experiment with different responses and approaches in a supportive setting.
For example, attending a party. You can you act as the host or another party attendee, and simulate various interactions that may happen such as introducing oneself to others, small talk, or joining group conversations.
Try encouraging them to take on different roles, including the anxious individual and the confident participant, to gain perspective and build confidence.
By practicing social interactions in a low-pressure environment, your loved one can gradually build their confidence and feel more prepared to navigate real-life social situations. But remember to discourage them from sticking to social scripts that may feel unnatural!
If you are seeing a therapist, I would definitely suggest you ask for them to plan a session around role-playing. For me, sometimes it would feel too awkward to do this with a friend or family member.
5. Help them refocus their attention
Remind the person that they should not allow their social anxiety to stop them from living their life.
Healthy distraction involves prioritizing activities that are enjoyable and engaging and help reduce stress without causing harm or avoidance of important tasks.
By shifting their attention away from their anxiety-inducing thoughts, you can help alleviate their distress and provide them with a sense of comfort and reassurance.
Although distracting ourselves should not be used to deal with anxiety in the long-term, in the moment, it can stop us from thinking about our worries (e.g., the ‘what ifs’) and instead focus on the present.
For example, encourage them to participate in relaxation techniques like deep breathing ormindfulness exercisesto help calm their mind.
Here are a few ideas that you can use:
Personally, I found it useful if people offered to help me distract but were not too pushy about it. Sometimes, in their attempts to get me out of the house, they would be a bit too intense in their approach as well-meaning as it might have been.
Therefore, it is important to recognize that sometimes wishing to isolate does not stem from SAD but is a need a lot of people have to recharge (especially if introverted). Check-in with your person if that is indeed the case.
6. Help reframe their thoughts
Encourage them to challenge negative or irrational thoughts associated with social situations.
For example, listen attentively to their concerns and gently guide them to explore alternative perspectives. Try asking inquisitive questions that prompt them to reconsider their beliefs or interpretations of social interactions.
Here is a list of questions that you could ask someone to help challenge their thoughts:
However, do not ask them all of these questions at once as this could feel confrontational! Perhaps choose one or two when anxiety strikes.
Additionally, you can offer reassurance and support as they work through their thought patterns, emphasizing that it is okay to feel anxious and that their fears may not always reflect reality.
Provide examples of past experiences where their fears were unfounded or situations that turned out better than expected. Take care not togaslight their feelingswhere there may be genuine concerns. Always approach with understanding and an open mind.
Lastly, encourage them to practice more realistic thinking and affirmations to counteract any automatic negative thought patterns stemming from the anxiety. By helping them reframe their thoughts, you can empower them to approach social situations with greater confidence and optimism.
Remember that this takes time to do as we are trying to rewrite years of the same negative CD that kept playing in our brains. Instinctive answers may be very pessimistic and hopeless at first, as that was certainly the case for me. It took years to switch to a better mindset but it can be done, you just have to keep pushing.
7. Celebrate their little successes
Acknowledge their efforts and recognize the steps they have taken to confront their anxiety, no matter how small.
For example, using genuine praise for their achievements, whether it is attending a social event or trying a new activity, can go a long way in boosting their confidence.
It is essential to validate their progress and remind them that every step forward is significant on their journey to overcoming social anxiety. Milestones and accomplishments should be celebrated, and encouragement and support should be provided as they continue to progress.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
One word of caution is to avoid overreliance on food as a reward. I was offered to go out for treats sometimes when I was progressing, which led to associations of food=reward. This caused toxic relationships with food down the line and feeling like I did not deserve to have treats if I was not “doing well.”
So, as instinctive as it may be to go out for ice cream to celebrate (which you should absolutely do), make sure you mix it up.
8. Provide gentle encouragement to step outside their comfort zone
Offer reassurance and support while gently nudging them to face their fears and try new experiences. This will help boost their self-esteem and motivation to take small steps towards growth and change.
Here are some ways you can begin doing that:
By offering gentle encouragement and support, you can help empower them to confront their fears, overcome obstacles, and ultimately thrive in social settings.
9. Offer practical support
Practical support involves assisting them in concrete ways to alleviate their anxiety and enhance their confidence.
By offering practical assistance, you support them with the logistical challenges that may contribute to their anxiety and provide a sense of security and reassurance.
Additionally, being present and available to offer support when needed can help them feel less alone and more capable of facing social situations.
This can help demonstrate your commitment to their well-being and can significantly contribute to their ability to manage their social anxiety and engage more comfortably in social activities.
That being said, finding a balance is key because if you attend all social events with them, then they are not being pushed to try this on their own. Contrastingly, they may come to rely on you as you become a safety behavior/person for them.
As a recovering SAD person, as I call myself, I’m still prone to leaning on my friends sometimes as a safety zone. It is important to keep challenging yourself and doing new things alone to prevent accidental relapses in SAD behaviors.
What NOT to do if someone has social anxiety
When supporting someone with social anxiety, it’s crucial to be mindful of certain behaviors or actions that may accidentally make symptoms worse. Here are some things to avoid:
Lastly, in our attempts to consolidate and support someone, we may end up using certain phrases that, while well intended, can be not very useful. Here is a list of them to avoid:
Conclusion
In conclusion, supporting someone with social anxiety requires patience, empathy, and understanding. By avoiding criticism, encouraging them to push outside their comfort zone, and validating their experiences, we can create a supportive environment conducive to their well-being.
By offering practical support, celebrating their successes, and reframing their thoughts, we can empower them to overcome their anxiety and thrive in social situations.
My biggest champions have been those who have encouraged me to keep pushing forward, even when I felt like giving up.
Let us create a culture of compassion and acceptance where individuals with social anxiety feel valued, understood, and supported on their journey toward healing and growth. Together, we can make a meaningful difference in the lives of those struggling!
References
Cunha, M., Soares, I., & Pinto-Gouveia, J. (2008). The role of individual temperament, family and peers in social anxiety disorder: A controlled study.International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology,8(3), 631-655.
DiBartolo, P. M., & Hofmann, S. G. (Eds.). (2014).Social anxiety: Clinical, developmental, and social perspectives. Elsevier.
Leary, M. R., & Kowalski, R. M. (1997).Social anxiety. Guilford Press.
Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education
Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Ioanna StavrakiCommunity Wellbeing Professional, EducatorBSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc, Neuropsychology, MBPsSIoanna Stavraki is a healthcare professional leading NHS Berkshire’s Wellbeing Network Team and serving as a Teaching Assistant at The University of Malawi for the “Organisation Psychology” MSc course. With previous experience at Frontiers' “Computational Neuroscience” journal and startup “Advances in Clinical Medical Research,” she contributes significantly to neuroscience and psychology research. Early career experience with Alzheimer’s patients and published works, including an upcoming IET book chapter, underscore her dedication to advancing healthcare and neuroscience understanding.
Ioanna StavrakiCommunity Wellbeing Professional, EducatorBSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc, Neuropsychology, MBPsS
Ioanna Stavraki
Community Wellbeing Professional, Educator
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc, Neuropsychology, MBPsS
Ioanna Stavraki is a healthcare professional leading NHS Berkshire’s Wellbeing Network Team and serving as a Teaching Assistant at The University of Malawi for the “Organisation Psychology” MSc course. With previous experience at Frontiers' “Computational Neuroscience” journal and startup “Advances in Clinical Medical Research,” she contributes significantly to neuroscience and psychology research. Early career experience with Alzheimer’s patients and published works, including an upcoming IET book chapter, underscore her dedication to advancing healthcare and neuroscience understanding.
